


GAPS

by Seralina



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 3rd person to 1st person and back again, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, F/M, Intentional POV switches, References to other marriages, Reunion, Separations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 55,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seralina/pseuds/Seralina
Summary: The Doctor had set the screwdriver to scan for openings in the universes a very long time ago. It was a simulation that would take a few hundred years to perfect, and even then there was only a small chance that it could find a gap into the other universe. The screwdriver could only scan so much of the vast universe at once. Only if he was very lucky, and he usually wasn't.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on FF, but I'm also posting here now! Still a work in progress and I will update this when it is complete. Welcome to this wonderful mess of time, angst, and how to find yourself before you find eachother again.  
> I give you GAPS.

**Prologue**

_ Alone Again _

He had just spent twenty four years of his life with River Song.  One very long night on Darillium. This body seemed to match her better in outward appearance, but she was still so young to him.  Although he had never told her, and never would… The Doctor loved her. Unfortunately for both of them, it was never the same kind of love.  It wasn’t shared, wasn’t mutual. It was a passing fancy to fill an empty hole they both had inside of them. Maybe, truly, River loved him in a romantic way, but the Doctor never felt that way.

It was really quite simple to him, he had always cared for her and he always would.  However, the Doctor had seen first hand the effects of that word. Yes, he loved River, but he was not in love with her.  And never could be.

It had been an impossible amount of time since he had been consumed by that sacred emotion.  Yes, sacred. At least to him, the kind of love you can only find with soulmates, was truly a sacred thing.  Even though he was an extremely lonely man, who seemed doomed to continue his extremely long existence that way (with the exception of an occasional flame of companionship), for some reason he would always believe in-...

The Doctor was suddenly drawn out of his own sorrows, where he had been thinking on his life’s dilemma with love from an outside perspective and trying to rationalize why he never returned River’s feelings.  Even though things would have been so much easier if he could just feel  _ that _ way.  The reason he was pulled out of his deep thoughts, was the large flat surface right in front of him.  The TARDIS, no doubt, had just put a wall right in his wandering path. He was only trying to depersonalize his own life, and had ended up walking the path straight to where he was the most sensitive, where things got the most personal.

However, every time he thought on why he could never really love River his torturous mind would take the same thorny path to the closed brownish red door with the intricate golden pattern on it.

The Doctor rested his head on the flat surface in front of him. A large sigh escaped him, his shoulders sagging with it, his eyes squeezing shut in a feeble attempt to fight back the emotions that were brewing just beneath the surface.

“This isn’t really supposed to be a wall in front of me is it?  You’re protecting me again aren’t you? Protecting me from myself…”  There was no response in his mind to the question, so the Doctor took it as an affirmation.  A mirthless laugh came out of him.

“It’s been… so long.  Two regenerations. Not even counting all of the time I spent in my confession dial.”  The Doctor picked up his hand and placed it on the wall. Wishing he could feel the cherry wood and trace his fingers over the flower engravings crusted in gold.  

“I got to spend 200 years on and off with Amy and Rory!  Then there were those dark years before I met Clara again, and went off to find her.  Then I got to run with Clara until Trenzalore. Oh Rassilon… Trenzalore. The slow path, for a thousand years, there I was, defending that town.  Even though I was still the man who forgets, all I wanted, all I wished for, was to have had that chance at the slow path with  _ her _ .”  At this point his hands curled into a fists at his side and against the wall.

“Please.”  He said through clenched teeth.  

“ _ Please _ , old girl.  I know I said to never let me do this to myself again-  b- but I  _ need  _ it.”  The Doctor pleaded with the machine, like a junkie that was desperate for another hit.  But the feeling was was much more primal than that. The gap inside of him ran much deeper than a drug addict in remission.  It didn’t matter that he was supposedly a hundred or so years ‘sober’. 

His palms gripped tighter on nothing in particular, that is, besides the reign he was trying to keep on his emotions.  But his resolve was crumbling underneath the pressure. Then like a dam that sprung a leak a tear slipped out of the Doctor’s eye as he straightened up and turned away from the wall.  But as everyone knows, one crack leads to another, until the whole system bursts and breaks down, and The Doctor was a few steps away from collapsing in on himself once again. Suddenly, a logical and self deprecating thought hit him.  Even if he could be with her again, she wouldn’t be able to fix him like she did last time. More than double the time had passed since he had first met her, he was much more than a broken man this time around. He wasn’t even a good one anymore.  With this thought his eyes opened and he dragged a palm down his face, taking the wetness away with it. 

He was surprised at himself, he hadn’t cried for her in over a millennia.  It wasn’t fair. How he was able to stretch his time with the Pond’s and Clara for so long... and with River out of his life for the last time, he was just-... broken.  All roads of thought led back to one little human. 

The broken man took a few forceful steps forward until he heard a strange beeping coming from his jacket.  A small, tiny sound. As if something had just finished baking. So, the Doctor reached into his jacket and pulled out the brand new screwdriver.  Carefully, he opened it to read the message, the beeping continuing all the while. As he read it his face settled into horror but this quickly changed to disbelief.  The Doctor turned back, his head whipping from the speed, to look at the wall again. Hoping beyond all hope that he would see something to affirm this new information.  As he spun the world around him seemed to tilt in slow motion and in the distance the cloister bell began its tone of doom. 

He ignored it.

The old man had to grab the wall to steady himself, the sight before him filling him with a whirlwind of energy, nearly knocking him over.  There before him was that cherry wood door, the golden roses shining bright. It shocked him so thoroughly that he needed to grip the wall even harder because not only was  _ her  _ door back in it’s rightful place for the first time in so many years but the door was open slightly and there was a golden light that swirled out from within.


	2. Correct Coordinates

**Chapter 1**

_ Correct Coordinates _

Breathing heavy he entered the console room, where the whole cavern was flooded with a flashing mauve light.  He took the steps two at a time before coming to a sudden stop before the controls.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

He would have one shot at this.  So he needed to do it calmly and shove his own haphazard emotions out of the way until he succeeded.

_ If _ he succeeded.

He took the screwdriver and inserted it into the console.  The console dinged in response and the flashing light went off, but somewhere, faintly the cloister bell was still chiming. 

“All right!  There’s one tiny, little gap and I’ve got about five minutes.  More or less… Give me a big bright burning sun! Deep red preferably! Or Pink! Or Yellow! I actually don’t care!  As long as it’s burning up and it used to be a sun!” He was flipping switches throughout his rambling, twisting dials, pressing buttons, and on the final word he flung the dematerialization lever forward.  The engines started up and the time rotor pumped, then it stopped.

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes, YES! Now Open!”  The Doctor yelled excitedly and lifted open the grate covering to the heart of the TARDIS with small effort.  As soon as he did small strands of golden, sparkling light began to flow and spiral out in intricate patterns.  Then he leaped back and went to the doors where he flung them open to reveal the glorious sight before him.

“Ohhh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” He moaned in an even thicker Scottish brogue. “If and  _ only _ if I’m really  _ really _ lucky…”  HE trailed off as he dashed back to the console.  Running about, dancing, laughing, of course it was the sun of the  _ rose _ nebula.  No other would do... Maybe the universe was giving him some sort of cosmic destiny sign.  He was sure if he had been on some foreign planet when his screwdriver went off, all of the signs would have changed to read the same phrase over and over again.  This is always how things went when the universe decided to throw them back into each other’s arms. Out of curiosity the Doctor ran back to the doors and leaned his head out to look at the sign on the front of the TARDIS over where the phone would be if this was an actual Police Box.  Sure enough..

_ Bad Wolf _

_ Bad Wolf _

_ Bad Wolf _

The smile that cracked across his face threatened to split him wide open.  Since when had he given himself permission to hope? That always ended badly.  He practically leaped over to the console, observing for a moment how the golden light was leaking out of the open door and into blackness outside.  The golden energy absorbed what was once a bright pink sun effortlessly, as if something was drinking water out of a cup with a straw... but more elegantly.  Just like that the burning sun was removed from its original place in the blank space.

“More than just burning up a sun this time.”  He said smugly to himself. Then the doors to the TARDIS closed of their own coalition and the smile dropped from his face.

Now the hard part.

He twisted the sonic in its socket, tripling its power output into the TARDIS mainframe and then pressed a big green button.  Then he was back to flipping levers, twisting dials, and typing into the TARDIS. He  _ had _ to get this right.  There was still a gold essence in the room, which sneakily started to flow into the telepathic circuit.  The Doctor glanced up after a while and laughed at the TARDIS.

“Oh, you clever sexy thing!  You want to find her too! Your wolf, my pink and yellow human… and you think she might have lingering huon energy!! Or maybe even just a connection to you, as well, because of everything?! Either way, brilliant!”  The Doctor froze for a nanosecond at the thousands of possibilities of the effect on her had she actually retained any of the energy, even if it was a minor amount. Just then the TARDIS sent a thought into his head,  **No need to worry about it now.  She’ll be alright if you find her, I promise.  Just let how you feel about her guide you.**  The Doctor nodded solemnly in response.  One more deep breath and then they would be off crashing through the walls of the universes.

“Here we go, old girl.”  The Doctor said in a low comforting tone as he put one hand in the telepathic circuit and flipped the dematerialization lever up once again.  He then quickly slipped his other hand into the fleshy circuit right next to the first. Something bit the tip of his right ring finger, and he let it.  Then he only pictured her and everything she had meant to him. Focusing on how intertwined their timelines had been from the day he met her in a shop basement.  He face, her eyes, her smile with the tongue poking out between her teeth…  _ oh that smile _ .

At first... nothing happened, and for a moment he feared that nothing would.  That he had just missed his only opportunity. The time rotor didn’t start up and the motions of travel that usually attempted to toss him about the cabin.. Didn’t happen.  His hope began flying out the window, how stupid he was to let it all rushing in like that, he would have let it all go too, except for the fact that his screwdriver was still making that tiny, little beeping noise.  Identifying the singular fact that the crack to Pete’s world was still open.

Then… something did happen.  The time rotor started to pump, and the TARDIS shook gently.  Then it stopped again, but it didn’t feel quite like a landing so the Doctor held his place, he didn’t even open his eyes.  He just kept concentrating on the one and only person he’d been wanting to see for over a thousand years. He thought about that first time on Darlig Ulv Stranden, how far he had gone just to say goodbye and it still hadn’t been enough. Then there was that dreadful second time, where he had to walk away from her and leave her with his almost twin.  The regret that filled him drove his longing for her to a new place. He would tell her this time, if he got the chance.  _ Please, give me the chance _ , he thought in desperation. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity…  the TARDIS started up again with a violent, determined passion.  The rocking and shaking nearly threw him from the circuit, but he held firmly, laughing partly maniacally, partly in relief, and partly in disbelief that he was actually going somewhere.  The Doctor gave a yell of joy! They were going somewhere!! He wasn’t sure where they were going or what he would find but he hoped none of that would matter. He would find  _ her _ , that’s what mattered. Whether she was still young or very old he would tell her how he really felt.  If she still wanted him he might collapse onto her then and there. All these years had only made him wish he had done things differently.  _  ‘Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all _ .  He always thought Alfred was a fool for that, having fallen so quickly for so many, only to have his heart broken over and over again.  The Doctor still remembered the day it finally hit home for him, how wrong he had been. How holding back had only made him more regretful.  Even if letting himself indulge would have hurt more in the long run, it would hurt less than the pain of regret. Third time’s the charm. If she even gave him the time of day… but oh if she would...

Just the thought of seeing her before him in the flesh and not just as some tormented dream his mind created to torture him, made his heart swell and race at the same time.

A resounding thud sounded throughout the TARDIS just before it went dead quiet.  The Doctor slipped his hands from the gooeyness and pulled the materialization lever down fully. The lights dimmed a moment and for a millisecond he thought he may have killed the TARDIS again by coming across the void.  But they came back on even brighter in response to his worry, before settling into low power mode for safety reasons.

There would be no hopping about in this universe, anywhere he would have to go he would need to do so by foot or other means of normal human transportation.  He thought for a moment on Bessie and wished he could have stored her somewhere within the TARDIS’ massive transdimensional main frame. Only one trip back, it was all the power his old girl had.  One safe return trip to the proper universe. Luckily though he had three weeks to make the return trip before the gap closed to the other side. Mere minutes in one universe could be weeks in another.  In this instance he was glad for the time shift, although it might prove to be bad thing in the long run. He couldn’t tell yet though. 

The Doctor sighed and removed his sonic from the console, double checking his pockets for all the usual supplies.  Psychic paper, snacks, toothbrush, sonic screwdriver, yo-yo… everything seemed to be in place. Unfortunately, he couldn’t verify for sure where he was in this moment.  He could wager a fairly decent guess, however, that he had landed on a beach in Norway. After all, that was the thought that really propelled the TARDIS forward. It was where he had the strongest memories of this world and this universe.  

The grey haired man took a few long strides and found himself in front of the police box doors.  He heard the TARDIS in his mind, a reassuring sound giving him one last mental push to open the door and step out on the sandy, cold beach.  

The sky was overcast with grey clouds that had a slight glow to them and it was about seven degrees with a slight wind.  The Doctor couldn’t feel the slight chill that he should have, instead adrenaline coursed through his system proving him immune to the weather conditions.  There was an air of electricity and determination surrounding him. In the distance the Doctor spotted a Zepplin and sighed in relief.

He had made it.

Pete’s world.

_ Her _ world.

Soon enough he would see her again.  He would once again be in the warmth of her gaze, within her light again.  It had been more than twelve hundred years. So, so,  _ so _ many lifetimes.  

He could wait a few more hours, or days if that’s what it took.

He  _ would _ find her.


	3. Talks with Torchwood

**Chapter 2**

_ Talks with Torchwood _

The Doctor

Darlig Ulv Stranden was a very long coastline beach in the middle of no-where Norway.  I walked the entire length of the beach, which was about 20 kilometers, before coming across an old and worn down road that curved by the beach.  Without having the faintest clue which direction was better, I decided on the more direct path and kept walking. About another 2 kilometers down the road was when I saw my first sign of civilization on the horizon.  

Conveniently or inconveniently enough it was merely an abandoned vehicle.  A sigh escaped my lips as I circled the compact vehicle. After I had surveyed the outside I decided on opening the boot to see if perchance anything useful had been left behind.  Of course I found nothing. The small grey battery car was definitely not to my taste, but it was easier to tinker with via assistance of my handy dandy screwdriver, if necessary. 

Reaching within the reserves of my bigger on the inside pockets I procured my sonic device and aimed it at the driver's side door.  The mechanics clicked into an unlocked position and I pulled the door open to slide behind the wheel. Strangely enough, it was a bit dusty and musty inside the car.  As if it had been sitting on the side of the road for quite sometime, even though from the outside appearance and by normal standards, abandoned cars never lasted that long in one place.  Either they were towed away or their owner eventually came back for them. How peculiar.

I had thought I might find a motor vehicle, but certainly not anything this nice and certainly not one in as good of condition as this.  Then I noticed the keychain dangling from the ignition and my interest in this situation momentarily peaked. Now this was a very, very strange coincidence.  Usually, I never ever ignore coincidence but I was on a mission that was on a bit of a time crunch. So until this situation proved dangerous, I would continue to ignore this set of peculiarities. 

As a precaution I glanced in the back seat, opened the glove box, and any other crevices I could find in the small car.  It wasn’t until I pulled down the sun blocker that a little piece of paper fluttered into my lap. Curiouser and Curiouser.  I picked it up and examined the simple loose leaf. Upon it in pretty, even styled print was the simple phrase - _ Just in case I’m ever stranded here again- _ .  A chill slid down my spine… something unlike anything I have felt in a long time.  It was a strange combination of dread, hope, and trepidation all swirled together that stirred in me.  Something about the handwriting, or the phrasing really got to me and suddenly my guilt tripled. If that was even possible at this point.

FInally, I turned the keys in the ignition and the car engine puttered to life.  The electronics on the dash lit up in bright almost neon color and the radio came on with a slight static hum.  No music filtered into the car, despite my hoping. I desperately needed something to fill the silence with, something that would distract me from my swirling thoughts.  I fiddled with the tuning knob for a while before I finally got some poor quality classical music. 

Suddenly, a ringing noise filled the car, as if there was a telephone.  I searched everywhere before my eyes landed on the phone button on the rearview mirror.  Gently I pressed it, hoping nothing bad would happen.

“Hello? Hello? Who is this? Sorry, I’m gonna need to borrow this car.  I’m a bit stranded, but I promise I’ll put it back as soon as I can.” I answered in a hurried manner, noticing how my accent really thickened in my explanation.  A whirring noise sounded out of the speakers before a garbled male voice answered him in a very posh accent.

“Quite alright sir, not many people head out that far in Norway this time of year.  May I inquire about your business with the vehicle? We registered that you used alien tech to unlock the vehicle and it popped up on our equipment down here.”  The man seemed rather calm considering he was technically speaking to a carjacker. An alien carjacker none the less, who was probably stealing  _ his _ car. 

“Where exactly is  _ here _ for you, sir?”  I quipped back at him, momentarily avoiding his question.

“Torchwood base one here in London, sir.  It’s gonna be quite a trip if you’re heading this way.  You’re out on the coast, it’s about a 21 hour drive.” My hand gripped tighter on the steering wheel at the mention of Torchwood.  Why on Earth would Torchwood have a spare car out on the coast of Norway. My mind only came up with one obvious answer. It had to be her.  I remember how she told me that she’d been working with Torchwood for the two years we were separated. After the second time being stranded on the beach, maybe as a hopeful precaution she left the car there.  Or maybe Torchwood knew there was a weak point in the universes out here.

“Sir, I’m sorry to ask again, but what is your business on Darlig Ulv Stranden?”  The male voice asked again. I always hated talking to a bodiless voice, so much harder to read the person.  Just like when you hug someone, you can’t trust them because you can’t see their face. Same concept here, except worse.

“Ohh, I was just passing through and I got a bit lost.”  I evaded easily.

“Well, it’s not a very easy area to pass through, it’s surrounded by mountains.  So you must have had  _ some _ intention in being there?”  The man pressed further and I narrowed my eyes at the rear view mirror and considered my options.  Chances were high that they had planted a tracking device in the car, so it’s not like I could get very far.  Also, the probability was high that these people could help me find her. So, I guess that means it’s time to take a leap.

“Okay, you got me.  I’m actually looking for someone.  She used to be a friend of mine and I sorta lost touch.  Anyway, could you help me? I actually think she used to be an associate of yours.”  The silence that ensued my question made me a bit nervous. As if the person behind the microphone was discussing my question with a third party.  

“Sir, why don’t you just sit back and we’ll get you directed to our headquarters.  Any questions you have can be answered here. And we certainly have a few for you.”  With that a click sounded throughout the car and the half static half classical music resumed in the car.  Something about the way the conversation had ended and just who I had been talking to gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  My eyes flicked over to the GPS screen which I hadn’t noticed had come to life. It showed my driving path and how long it would take to reach.  Good thing I didn’t need sleep. I could get there by mid-afternoon tomorrow. 

One step closer to her.

***

Midday the next day I had reached the intended destination in the GPS.  I parked the small car carefully on the crowded street and withdrew the keys from the ignition.  With a groan that could only accompany age I shoved open the car door and felt the familiar pin and needle sensation as the blood started to flow properly to my extremities once more.  I needed a good cat nap and a thorough stretching before I was really ready to walk into whatever dangers may lay ahead, but it seemed I wouldn’t be given the chance. I turned to my left to shut the car door and saw two people with ear pieces standing against the building I had parked next to.

“Impatient lot, aren’t you Torchwood?  I ran into your kind a while ago before a friend of mine overtook the corporation, tossed it completely upside down and landed on his feet.  Just like a well balanced cat. Anyway, he was better than a cat, had  _ way  _ more lives than one.  Anyway, Made it better than it was.   _ Anyway _ , different time different world.  Speaking of which, do you have UNIT on this planet?”  I rambled on, hoping one of them would give me some sort of indication or reaction to my strange words.  Nothing of course. One simply nodded for me to follow, and they both started walking off down the pavement.  Well, I suppose it was better than the handcuffs I had anticipated. All though the silent treatment didn’t exactly bode well either.

I quickly scampered after the tall man, and slightly shorter woman just after closing the car door and locking it with a beep.  They rounded a corner and came to an abrupt stop where the woman reached out and pressed a nearly invisible button on the side of the building.  Then in a very clever fashion, the pavement piece we were standing on descended into the Earth, walker-bys paying absolutely no attention to us. 

“Some sort of perception filter on the lift then, yeah?  So no average person really notices it?” 

“Precisely sir.  Do you have an eye for  _ different _ technologies?”  The woman asked me, glancing slightly back over her shoulder as she took off the sunglasses she had previously been wearing. 

“Oh, you could say that, yeah.  Bit of a traveler me, I’ve picked up a lot of things.”  I answered vaguely. Best not to give them a definite answer.  If they didn’t know who I was already, no need to give them a reason to perform tests on me.  The shaft we were traveling down was glassy almost in the way it looked, but you couldn’t see through it.  Then finally about thirty meters down the shaft opened up and you could see a large tan room with gold accents here and there.  A large machine adorned the entirety of one wall, but the rest of the room was an assorted amount of fancy computers, desks, and other work stations.  A medical station was off to one side and there was what looked like a glass conference room off to the other side. There were three offshoots of the space that could lead almost anywhere.  It was anyone’s guess what they were or where they led.

“This way sir, the director would like a word with you.” The man directed him with a gesture in the direction of the conference room, where outside of it stood a man in a suit with strawberry blonde hair that was going thin at the top and a half smile on his face.  As I approached the man walked off down the hallway next to the glass room, and turned into an open doorway. I followed him cautiously but was careful not to take too much time in my observations. When I finally entered the room a few seconds behind the man, he reached his hand out to me in a manner to shake it as he closed the door.  

“Hello, sir.  Good to finally talk in person!  I’m the director of this establishment, everyone around here calls me ‘T’.  I’m Director T of T, or otherwise Torchwood. And you are?” My hand gripped his firmly and as he introduced himself he led me to a seat in the quaint little office.  It was simply furnished but the walls were covered in writings and pictures. Everything around me was reference to something alien or a current investigation regarding it.  I smiled at the man in front of me and introduced myself. Choosing for the first time in a while to go with a half truth and a half lie. 

“I’m John Foreman.  Doctor Foreman is what I usually go by but just John or Doctor will also do.  Interesting establishment you’ve got here, T. It seems you investigate things of an alien nature.”  I placated in an even tempered voice. The man before me simply smiled, and leaned forward in his office chair.

“Correct you are, John.  And it would appear you know a bit about that too, since you haven’t reacted surprised to any of the goings on around you. As well as the sonic waves we picked up unlocking the car.  Not to mention the double heart and respiratory bypass system our scanners picked up on your lift ride down here. You’re not human are you?” T asked giving me an inquisitive yet appraising look.  I narrowed my eyes a bit at him. Now this was the Torchwood I had come to expect. An organization that wanted to know every detail about you with or without your consent. But I quickly schooled away my judgemental gaze and just nodded my head.

“Right you are, sir.  Not from around here, you see.  Except I’m not exactly sure where I’m from.  I’ve always been on Earth as far as I can remember.  And I can’t remember very far. Which is why I’m looking for someone.”  I rattled off the top of my head calmly. My instincts were tingling that something wasn’t quite right here.  Nothing necessarily malicious or bad of any sort, but something wasn’t quite right. As if the time stream had gone wrong somewhere along the line and now something critical was missing from its proper place.  T regarded me warily for a moment before nodding in understanding.

“This person you’re looking for… do you think they might have a clue as to what you are?  Or how you came to be here?” This surprised me. I had expected a more probing question about my intention, or my abilities, or what else I remembered.  But T seemed for all intents and purposes to be trying to keep the conversation light and friendly. Perhaps trying to keep me comfortable so I wouldn’t feel the need to run.

“I certainly hope so.”  Though my answer was short, I could see that T didn’t need more he just nodded and gestured to the empty air next to him.

“Well, what do you know about this person?  A name? Age? Appearance? Job description?” T rattled off the various possibilities and I smiled for a moment, before ducking my head down and clearing my throat.  This was the moment of truth.

“In one of my memories of her I called her the ‘Defender of Earth’, I really don’t know if that helps though?”  I laughed a bit at that and T laughed with me.

“Well, here at Torchwood we like to consider ourselves the defenders of Earth against hostile aliens.  So, that would fit her job description if she worked with us. And it’s a woman you say?”

“Yes, yes.  A young woman. R- Rose Tyler was her name.  She would have started working here round abou-”

“Rose Tyler? Are you sure, John?”  T cut me off and gave me the most astonished and peculiar look.  Almost as if he was seeing a ghost. He shook his head, and rolled back from his desk, turning to a filing cabinet which he opened and began sorting through.  Looking for a file suppose. I was, however, having issues thinking straight. My heart was beating erratically all the way up into my throat. It was the first time I had spoken her name aloud in over a thousand years.  The way this tongue wrapped around her name felt so funny and right all at the same time. My hands were shaking slightly, and I had to clench them together in an attempt to regain control.

“Positive, actually.  Rose Marion Tyler. She had blonde hair, and was about 22 or 23 when I last saw her.  I really hope she can help me figure things out.” I confirmed T’s question and continued more with my lie.  Hoping he hadn’t noticed my shaking hands or the way I reacted to just saying her name. T stopped rifling through the drawer as he pulled out a singular, thin file and dropped it on the desk in front of me.  

“I- I thought I had heard her name for the last time about ten years ago.” T said in a strange wistful tone as he plopped back into his char.  His hand was rubbing his temples in a sign of stress or worry. I glanced for a moment at the yellowish colored file before me with her name printed in plain script on the tab before looking back up at T and taking note of his age.  I could barely see his timeline just around him. He was in his mid to late fifties and his timeline was a peculiar thing. As if it was one in a million he was even alive, but overall didn’t hold that much importance in any world. It was just something about the way he said that ominous statement that made my gut twist in a painful way.

Maybe I was too late in her time stream.  Perhaps she had already lived out her life with my twin and she was gone now.  No reason for me to even be in this world. I glanced back down at the file and grabbed it carefully, as if it might break.  Carefully still, I fingered open the thing and there on the inside was a profile picture of  _ her. _ Her hair was brown and a little longer than shoulder length.  She wore a pink sweater and a serene look on her face, almost as if she was in concentration.  I smiled at the sight, it was something new to me. I had never seen her with her natural hair color and it looked just as good on her as the blonde had.  She looked just as beautiful as I always remembered and pictured her.

Then my eyes scanned over to the side where the typed information was.  All black script and typewriter font. I read none of it however, because over the top of all her basic information in bright red stamped ink was one word that stopped my hearts.  Sure enough there was her full name, birthdate, height, weight, and location… but over all of that was one word that certainly could and just might shatter my everything.

_ Deceased. _


	4. Fighting Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Last time*  
> Sure enough, there was her full name, birthdate, height, weight, location… but over all of that was one word that certainly could and just might shatter my everything.  
> Deceased.

Doctor

My breathing quickly became erratic and I had to swallow multiple times just to attempt regulating it.  But my mind was racing and there was pain stabbing through my gut simultaneously as the information seared through my brain.  I quickly closed the file and dropped it back on the desk as my other hand gripped the armrest of the chair. I watched my knuckles turn white and had to physically and mentally restrain myself from the want to crack the poor pine chair.  

I couldn’t accept it.  There was no way she was gone too.  The TARDIS wouldn’t have let me land in this time if she wasn’t here.  She had too strong of a connection to the TARDIS and with me, after all it’s what led me here.  Then again… maybe the TARDIS let me come here so I could have closure? But there was just no way she was dead.  There was no logical reason I would have ever landed in a time stream where she had already expired. I could still feel it somewhere inside, despite the knife that was slowly twisting its way further into my gut.  For some foolish reason I was still allowing myself the grievance of hope. Idiot in a box, that’s me.

“Doctor Foreman?  I’m sorry to have you find out like this, do you need water or something?” A pause, “Doctor-”  

“I’m fine.”  I quipped at the man after realizing he had been trying to get my attention for quite some time, in the meanwhile I had been too lost in the torrent that was my train of thought.  “I just, I-...” My mouth was failing me. Traitorous emotions. I didn’t need nor want this stranger to see this side of me. “When did it happen? What happened? And what about her… husband?”

“Husband?!”  T had an alarmed look on his face at the notion, then gave me a very strange look when he realized I was quite serious.

“Yeah, tall man, real thin, sticky uppity hair, maybe a bit.. eccentric…”  I listed off the base qualities of my past self. T just continued to give me a strange, almost fish face sort of look, before something flitted across his face that I didn’t quite catch.

“Well, I’m positive she was never married, she wasn’t the type.  She used to talk about this guy though… talked about him like he was her whole world but always said he was in different world now, so it didn’t matter anymore.  Obviously must have been a boyfriend that died or something, since she always talked about him in the past tense. Well, there was no one else for her, that much was clear.”  T explained slowly, then his gaze drifted off to his right as if deep in his memories. I remained quiet. I felt that if I could keep up this sombering countenance then T may continue to feel inclined.  So, I simply nodded at him and looked down at my hands, giving T as much privacy as I could while he explained things that  _ almost _ sounded personal to him.  

T sighed and continued with his explanations, a bit hesitantly at first, almost as if it pained him to talk about  _ her. _

“You were right, obviously, she used to work here. Used to run the place from the beginning, practically.  She was a bit of a work-a-holic, our Rose, never wanted to stop. Especially those first few years. I was told there was a sadness and determination about her that drove her ‘till she finally succeeded at her first project…Course I was only a baby at the time, couldn’t know for myself. Then shortly after that she became… even sadder.  Something had happened to her. Rose was always a very loving and compassionate person, more so than anyone else who worked here, but she became very reckless. She always wanted everyone to survive, needed it practically, but she didn’t think she needed to survive. So, she was willing to do things no one else was.” T sighed again and rubbed his temples with the index finger and thumb of his left hand.  “She… she took a bomb into a hostile alien ship. Said it was ‘insurance’. Sontaran’s is what they were called. She wanted to give ‘em a chance to run away. Said it was the right thing to do. But, of course, they didn’t so she went up with them and their ship. Even though she managed to teleport back here, the.. Damage was too severe. So-” T cleared his throat and stopped. 

While he spoke I had been drawn to look at him, and watch his face to see if there was truth to what he said.  The moment he couldn’t finish out what happened to her, I had to look away. The way he talked, it was like he was there first hand.  Holding her as she died. I didn’t like the look in his eyes, I couldn’t handle the truth I saw there. He was affecting me. Either he is the single best liar I have ever met or-

No, I wouldn’t consider it.  No matter how well he spoke, he may even believe it, it wasn’t true.  Even as I repeated that mantra to myself, it was still scaring me and my breathing was becoming shallow again.  If I couldn’t get a grip soon I would become hysterical.

“Anyway.  That was nearly thirty years ago now.  It nearly killed her mother. But, Jackie had her husband so she kept going.  Jackie only died about ten years back now. If everything would have gone well Rose would be about seventy now, settled and comfy.”  T said almost listlessly and there was a strange haunted look in his eyes. 

“Life deals us weird hands sometimes.” T said in finality, then he started observing me just like I had just been doing to him.  I didn’t try to cover what I was feeling,didn’t want to, there was no need. The gravity of my age had suddenly hit me and I felt so old and tired.  The hope I had been clinging onto so dearly was quickly slipping from my grasp. The way he said she died… it was so very  _ me. _  Selfless, defender of Earth.  Fighting the fight forever, or till the end eventually comes.  Actually, it sounded a lot like how I acted when I was traveling alone and I had no one to stop me.  The story of her life was almost perfect, almost believable too. The thing that had me caught up in my hope still was the lack of a mention of the meta-crisis.  He  _ had _ to be somewhere, and if  _ not _ …

“Are you sure there was no mention of the man I described?”  I had to ask again because if there really wasn’t.. Then there definitely was something wrong in this universe.  My clone wouldn’t have been the quiet type, he would have wanted to help this planet, be the resident genius. And he  _ definitely _ wouldn’t have left Rose on her own if he had a choice.   _ Unless he was dead, too. _

“None, sorry.  She was never very descriptive on the appearance of her mystery man.  Said it didn’t matter to her, that he could have a thousand different faces and still feel the same.”  T smiled a bit at that. “Like I said, no one else for her. Bit of a romantic, that one.” I nodded at the sentiment, surprised that her feelings toward me had rubbed off so thoroughly on this third party.

“Where is she then… um… buried?”  I winced at my own question, my mind flashing with gruesome and depressing images of death.  Of  _ her _ death.  I tried to flush them out but instead a montage began to roll through my mind.  Memories. 

Platform one, when the sun shield descended.  Cardiff basement, all those walking corpses ready to kill us.  The cabinet room in Downing street. The Dalek in America. The slitheen that had her by the throat.  The Game station, the AnnDroid, the Daleks  _ again _ , her mind burning permanently.  Every win, every time I had saved her, turning to her gruesome death before my eyes.  Werewolves ripping her apart, Krillitanes eating her, clockwork droids piercing her with their spears, her being turned into a Cyberman, her forever faceless, Satan burning her from the inside out.  

When she lost her grip on the lever, but instead she just keeps falling into the void, screaming in pain.  Then she’s just gone and when I walk to the wall I can’t even feel her imprint on the other side. Everything in astonishing technicolor, things I haven’t thought about in detail in hundreds of years giving me daytime horrors.  Then our last adventure, Davros electrocuting her, the Daleks using the Reality Bomb on her in front of me. I was falling down a deep dark pit of despair, except this time I wasn’t on the floor crying out in agonizing pain. This time the Great Intelligence hadn’t jumped into my timeline to ruin my life. This time it was my own mind creating the things I had seen a thousand times in my dreams during the middle of the day.

T gave me a small smile and leaned his forearms on the desk, oblivious to my nuclear mental state.  “I can take you there, in a bit, if you like? For some reason you don’t seem the ‘hostile alien’ type.”  He laughed a bit at his own joke but I could only give him a semi-smirk, my eyebrows furrowing as I looked down at my fingers.  All the things I put her through and I was  _ selfish _ to think that she might want to see me! Travel with me again even! Old age really has made me a batty old fool, with no more sense.  Over a thousand years of grievance, of grieving her, and I’ve lost my sense of logic. The sadness I felt was threatening to overtake me.  What would happen after  _ this _ ?  I visit her grave, talk to what’s left of her family, then take that little stupid car all the way back to Norway, and take that final trip across the void?  Suddenly it was like the room was shrinking and I needed to be anywhere but inside of it.

“I’m sorry, I-.. I-”  My voice faltered as I scrambled from my seat and out of the room.  I followed my instincts and quickly found a secondary exit. I knew T would follow me soon, but for now I needed the air and the freedom.

* * *

Director T

I wasn’t in the least bit surprised when the man before me sprang from his chair and left the room.  He had been like a ticking bomb of emotion and there was only so many options he had to try and take it all in.  Even though he was apparently an ‘alien’, he was by far more human than most humans I know these days. Something about him made me want to trust him, and I knew he needed the space.

I casually reached across the desk and picked up Rose’s file where John had discarded it.  Had it really been thirty years since everything changed? The day the tail end of my childhood was forced into an abrupt ending, and I became hyper aware of the danger in the universe.  The day I had filed Rose’s death file had truly been a profound one for me and my family. Thirty-four years, a whole lifetime, a whole bunch of  _ time _ .  It has passed me by.  And after mom died in 2050 I thought I had heard of Rose Tyler for the last time.

Then this older gentleman… this Doctor John Foreman… which I sincerely doubted that was his real name, had appeared and asked about her.  A man with a thousand stories and a thousand emotions in his eyes. Perhaps even a thousand years. The way I could see his heart break in front of me… it made me think… that maybe… No.  But still, didn’t hurt to inform a higher authority about his peculiarness. I laughed a bit at that thought.  _ ‘Higher Authority’ _

I reached over into my desk drawer and pulled out my cellular device.  The moment my thumb touched it, the dialing began. Knowing my intentions immediately, that’s modern technology for you.  I set it on the desktop and the video image pulled up, just a blank white thing while it rang. It rang for almost seven rings but halfway through the seventh a female voice came from the device but no image appeared to go along with it.

“Bit busy Tone.  Getting shot at, evading things, etcetera. Call later?”  Came the northern ish female voice in a very hushed manner.

“Just quick, dear, there’s been a man here asking about Rose Tyler.  Peculiar bloke, very emotional for an alien. Just about broke the chair when he read her file.”  I rambled on quickly, a poor attempt at hurrying along the conversation.

“You let an  _ alien _ see our  _ files _ ?! Have you lost it!  It could easily be an act.  We can’t give him anything else, you  _ know _ that.  And you know  _ why _ .  Neither of us want to face ‘you know who’.”  Came her chastising response.

“Yeah, yeah, I know but you should  _ see _ him.  He’s nothing like the one’s from years ago that Dad had to deal with.  And, get this! He drove the car that was by Darlig Ulv Stranden all the way to London.  Just to ask about-”

“This man took the car in  _ Norway _ ?”  There was a pause and I could hear her take a breath, then there was a bunch of scuffling and the sound of an auto gun firing a few times before the scuffling stopped and I just heard heavy breathing from the other side.  “Anything else?” Her voice came out much more breathy this time, clearly she was busy.

“He’s an older Scott’s man, says he’s go no memories.  He’s part alien for sure and may have thorough knowledge of them.  He unlocked the car with a sonic device.”

“Did you procure the device off of him to determine its type?”  

“Screwdriver.”  I answered simply and waited a few moments.  When her reply came through finally, it was even more breathy and a touch of her mum’s scottish had found its way into her voice.  

“I’ll get there tomorro’.  Once this is settled.” Then the other side went silent and the electronic white screen closed off.

I sighed to myself.  Maybe if Mel thought he was reason enough to come home then I should be keeping closer tabs on him.  With that thought, I stood and grabbed the clear cellular device off the desk before making my way out of my office.

Time to go find John.


	5. The Calm and the Candor

_ The Calm and the Candor _

Doctor

Outside, the busy streets of London didn’t exactly prove a reprieve to the chaotic thoughts consuming my brain.  Though the fresh air was managing to regulate my breathing somewhat, the buildings surrounding me weren’t helping with the overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia.  All I really needed in this moment was the TARDIS to take me back into the vortex, to some far away galaxy to just watch the stars and … breathe. Hopefully to forget all that I had learned in the last hour.  Would it be better just to not know? To just go on thinking she lived out her life happily with the Meta-Crisis? That she didn’t live the rest of her life feeling utterly abandoned by the one man she truly loved?

There it was again, that pressing feeling on my chest.  This is the feeling I get anytime I confront my demons, or run head first into my past.  Those doors that I have shut and locked so firmly in my mind, hiding those rooms with their deep dark secrets.  Confronting everything I felt for Rose and deciding on a whim to chase it… just to find out she was dead. It was like kicking down that door and rifling through every drawer, up turning everything in that room only to be left in the utter destruction of the once pristine room.  A room that, really, never needed to be opened again. Look what I‘ve done. 

Somewhere in the battlefield that was my brain, my diligent feet had found their way to the nearest expanse of green, a public park.  I sighed thankfully before making my way onto a small pasture, to the largest tree I could find. A very wide oak stood before me, so I placed my palm to it and sent a mental greeting to the strong being.  Then I, not very gracefully, collapsed onto the trunk and slid down so I was sitting at the base. My hand covered my eyes for a moment before I rubbed it down my face trying desperately to eliminate some of the tension that was radiating through my body.  

When I finally lifted my palm and opened my eyes I was able to witness the gorgeous blue sky before me, dotted with small fluffy white clouds.  I smiled a bit, so very unlike London. But it wasn’t really my London, so the weather patterns could be completely opposite for all I could wager.  I hadn’t spent enough time in the parallel world on previous occasions. I bet Rose would have liked a day like today.  _ It’s just...That’s just… That’s amazing!  I’ll never get used to this, never. Different ground beneath my feet. Different sky.  What’s that smell?  _ Apple Grass.   _ Apple grass.  It’s beautiful.  Oh, I love this. Can I just say, traveling with you… I love it.   _ Me too.  Always, traveling with her.  The memory of her was so vivid for a moment I could almost smell the apple grass, I could almost feel her hands on my arm, see the way the wind was tossing her hair everywhere, then the moment I took her hand in mine and went off running.  The surprised noise she made followed by that gorgeous laugh. They say to make a girl fall in love with you, you’ve got to make her laugh. The only problem is… every time she laughs you fall more and more in love.

That was our first real adventure since I had regenerated into sandshoes.  I was still so worried that at any moment she would reject me, so I started putting her at arms length while at the same time pulling her as close as possible.  Hugging, cuddling, holding hands. At the time that new body craved Rose almost every moment of the day, it was practically made for her. My previous self with all the leather and ears had died to save her because she had almost died saving me and the universe.   Memories of so long ago kept bobbing up to the surface only to flutter back down, it seemed the only way to draw me out of my pit of darkness was to bask in the memory of her light. Isn’t that how people healed properly when grieving?

I shook my head to myself.  The grieving process for her wouldn’t begin until I knew for sure I would never see her again.  I couldn’t let myself walk down the path of pessimism and darkness until I knew for absolute certainty.  She isn’t-

My thoughts started on a new analytical turn, thinking about every which way ‘Director T’ had proven to be peculiar.  First off, not revealing his full name. Secondly, having me walked into the facility as if I was a fugitive only to let me have complete reign once inside their facility.  Third, allowing me to view Rose’s file, whic, must certainly not be part of company policy. Fourth, scanning me without my knowledge, but not bothering to question my origins further than my pathetic lie of amnesia.  Fifth, the way he recounted everything about Rose as a distant memory. As if they were very close, but it was a long time ago. Sixth, that he even bothered to mention Jackie.

Suddenly, I had to jump to my feet as my brain began working in hyper drive.  The idiot I was, I had completely forgotten to check the date. I dashed to the nearest couple on a picnic blanket and snached the clear tablet device out of the man’s hand.  His protestation was obvious but his surprise kept him in place for the moment, I quickly located the date that was in the top right corner. 

“The fourth of April 2061..”  I said to myself in an astonished tone as I sloppily handed the device back to the man who was giving me the ‘this guy is crazy’ look.  I meandered back over to my sitting spot and let out a giant huff as I slid down oak once again. Over  _ fifty years _ had passed since the last time I landed on Darlig Ulv Stranden. It certainly compensated for my twelve hundred years.  It was almost equal to the amount of life had passed in her human life. Even if she was still alive and well, settled somewhere in witness protection, she might not even remember me… because that was just the luck I had.  She was probably somewhere, wrinkly, feisty, and still beautiful. Under a different name, in a different country, hidden away from prying eyes that might want to harvest her remaining huon energy. Or something of the like.  With no clone of mine to protect her. An abnormal lonely life as she slowly went batty.

I had to quickly crawl out of that dark hole I was once again descending into.  I couldn’t start thinking like that again or I might relapse into my previous fettered state.  Think logically, think sensibly. Time is of the essence. Of course! Director T! What on Earth could the T stand for?  Someone who had known Rose personally… Who had known Jackie! My mind flashed with an image of Rose as another memory began to play...

_ “There’s five of us now.  Mum, Dad, Mickey, ...and the baby.”  “You’re not...” “No.” She laughs at the notion, “It’s Mum.  She’s three months gone. More Tyler’s on the way.”  _  Then another of the usual Jackie sass only this time it was my clone she was talking to.   _ “I was pregnant, do you remember?  Had a baby boy.” “Ah, brilliant, what did you call him?”  “Doctor.” “Really?” “No, you plum. He’s called Tony.”  _  TONY!  Of course!! The legitimate son of Jackie Tyler and parallel world Pete Tyler!  Tony Tyler Director of Torchwood. Boy, that was a lot of T’s. I hate alliteration, no wonder he just goes by T.  He decided to take after his sister, helping to defend the Earth. Well, in that case if Rose  _ is  _ still alive somewhere, he probably is just protecting her!  Suddenly the pain and emotion in Tony’s voice when talking about her became very clear.  He easily could have been there when she came back a mangled mess from the Sontaran ship.  He may have been late teens or early twenties, It might have even been his first exposure to the world of aliens.

I smiled to myself a bit, as I finally was able to uncover a bit of the mystery that was sprawled out before me.  That’s when I heard Tony’s voice call out to me, and looked up to see him jogging over to me. 

“Hey John!  How are you doing?  Nice spot you found here isn’t it?”  Tony commented as he sat next to me against the tree.  New plan, truth time. If this man really was Jackie’s son, he might be more inclined to tell me things if he knew about how I really know Rose.  Maybe even if I share a few stories from my perspective. Best let him ask the questions though, can’t seem to eager to get what I want. 

“Better now thanks, Tony.”  I said giving him a pointed look, Tony gave me an incredulous look and opened his mouth to speak but I simply held up a finger to stop him.  “Before you begin asking all the questions you want about me, I should tell you that when you suspected I was lying earlier… I was. I’m not Doctor John Foreman, it’s just the Doctor.  Secondly, I don’t have some strange bout of amnesia, all of my memories are quite intact I just wasn’t sure if I could trust you until a short while ago when I realised who you are. Thirdly, you’re Rose’s baby brother, Jackie’s son.  Tony Tyler, I had almost forgotten she had a child when she found this place. I’ve got a lot of memories to sort through but I got there. Anyway, nice to really meet you. I’m the Doctor.” Then I flashed him a smile and stuck out my hand.   Tony looked at me dazed for a moment before shaking it off and giving me back another smile and taking my hand.

“It’s a pleasure sir.  Yes, I had guessed at your deception but for some reason I still chose to trust you.  So, if I may inquire  _ what  _ exactly are you?”  Tony was remarkably calm, and for the most part I had expected this.  As someone who probably deals with aliens on a fairly regular basis, it probably wasn’t too strange to be sitting with one at the park on a sunny day.  Okay, maybe a little unusual possibly. But that was mostly due to the weather.

“I’m a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey.  It’s a planet in a different universe, parallel to this one actually.”  Tony nodded with me, taking in the different universe information then clasping his hands together before asking his next question.

“How come you look human?”

“How come you look Time Lord?”  I quipped back. He gave me an astonished sort of look before simply shrugging. “Time Lords are an ancient race, so technically Humans look Time Lord, but we really don’t need to dwell on that.”

“Alright, alright.  I get you. So, what are the differences then?”  Tony asked leaning back and looking up to the sky, probably trying to process the new information to add to an internal alien catalogue.  

“Life span, and a couple biological things.  Respiratory bypass system, double heart, telepathic capabilities with other sentient beings, a few other abilities, and increased brain capacity for the short list.”  Tony laughed a bit, reminding me of his father despite how well he was handling all of this. 

“The  _ short _ list.  Right. Well then, how old are  _ you _ ?” Ah, now we were finally getting to the interesting things.

“Well.. that’s tricky.  I think somewhere upwards of two thousand, but things have gotten a bit tricky recently so I’m not entirely sure.  I’m also not very good at keeping track of those sorts of things.” I heard a low whistle come from Tony and I had to chuckle to myself.

“We must seem like ants to you.”  Tony said, and turned to look at me.  But my gaze remained trained on the sky.  

“Not at all.  You guys, you little apes, are the most important thing.  You remind me to see the things I tend to forget with a lifespan this long.”  Tony nodded appreciatively and let his head drop back to the trunk of the tree.

“So, how and when did you meet her?”  He asked me in a more hushed tone. I suppose he was trying to keep me from panicking again or something.  But I just smiled at the memory that came to mind.

“I was a little over nine-hundred when I first met her.  I blew up her job, actually. Then for some reason I just ran into her the next day.  A few times, which was odd. I never usually meet the same person twice, let alone three times.  Then she saved my life from the Nestene Consciousness and some shop window dummies. I grabbed her hand and told her to run.  And we didn’t stop running for quite some time. She wanted it to last forever.” I mused about how things had all started. How all the clues about the living dummies kept leading me back to her.  It didn’t have to be her, it could have been anyone. But it was her and I’ve never been more glad of anything in my life. Stubborn blonde woman, I might have grabbed her hand and told her to run, but she’s what kept me running.  

“Not a very conventional way of meeting someone is it?”  Tony chuckled at me. Then his face dropped into a more solemn look. “It’s you, isn’t it?  You’re her mystery man from another world…” It wasn’t really a question the way Tony said it, like he had been thinking it for a while and I finally confirmed it.  “She used to tell me stories… Now the aliens I could believe… but the travelling in time? I always thought she was being a bit eccentric when she told those ones.” Tony paused, and looked over at me again.  “But you can, can’t you? You’ve got a magical box that travels through time and space. And you swept her up and took her to places I can’t even dream of. It was you.” Tony mused, getting a look of almost approval and respect on his face, towards me of all people.  

“Well, it’s not magic.  That’s for sure. It’s a very specific science.  She’s a sentient time and space ship that contains her own dimension of sorts.  It’s really quite complicated. I don’t want to bore you.” I waved my hands about for a moment before reigning them in.  A trait that lingered from my previous body, hands flapping about as I talked, that is. Tony was staring at me, a question in his eyes, debating whether or not he would ask it.  It was making me slightly nervous. 

“How long has it been since you last saw her?”

“Twelve hundred years.”  I said, keeping level headed with him.

“Why did it take you twelve hundred years to come back for her?” Tony said narrowing his eyes, and getting defensive.  I smiled a little half smile, I could see he cared for his sister. 

“Parallel universe.  I couldn’t come through or else both universes would collapse.  Long time ago though, I set a program on this… uh… device of mine to search for gaps in the universe.  You see, they pop up from time to time. But the program wasn’t complete until a few hundred years ago and all this time it never found an opening until a day ago.  Even then I only had minutes to attempt the voyage across the void. It was very risky. But I just  _ had _ to.  Even though it’s been twelve hundred years I-”  I couldn’t finish the sentence. I still couldn’t say it out loud, how I felt.  How I thought about her almost every day she wasn’t there. How often I went to her door and begged the TARDIS to let me in.  How I tried to forget her face, her voice, laugh, smile… and I couldn’t. She was so firmly seared onto my hearts. 

“You never stopped thinking about her.  Even with how impossible everything was, no matter how much time passed…”  Tony trailed off and finally we were able to sit in silence together. A few minutes passed, birds flew around us and kids laughed and screamed from a nearby playground.  

“We were the stuff of legend.”  I said with finality and Tony just nodded, then a large sigh escaped him.

“I’m sorry, Doctor.”  He said, turning to me and giving me an earnest look.  A depth and sympathy in his eyes.

“What for?”  

“You’ve lost her twice now.  Nobody deserves that.” The sincerity of his sentiment made me feel a way I couldn’t describe.  I hated being pitied, but for just this once, I would accept it. I didn’t have the heart to correct him and tell him that it had actually been three.

* * *

Sometime later we found ourselves walking through a small path in a quaint little thicket near the Tyler mansion where Tony lived.  He had offered me a bed until I chose to return to my ship and I had accepted. A sort of bond had formed between us, but the more time I spent with him the more the reality kept creeping in.  Never once did he mention anything about her still being alive, so with every moment he didn’t bestow on me the good news, I began to feel more and more desolate. 

“..She wanted to be somewhere peaceful, but somewhere near home so that mum could come and talk to her whenever she wanted to.  She told dad all of these things early on, just in case she always said, never thought we would actually need it. But-.. here we are.”  Tony rambled often to fill the silences I left. Occasionally I would tune in and learn something else about Rose, but more often than not Tony told about how Rose had wanted things or how Jackie dealt with everything.  Until we broke through the tree to a small clearing and a large sugar maple with gorgeous huge leaves. 

Underneath the tree was a simple stone bench, no headstone, no other graves.  Carved into the tree was a simple outline of my TARDIS. There were a few walking stones with quotes on them leading to the bench and I held my breath as I approached, not stepping on a single one.  There on the bench was her full name and an elegantly curved inscription;  _ Rose Marion Tyler, beloved daughter and sister.  Defender of the Earth, but the stars were her home.  _  I smiled a bit at the words, and had to take deep breaths.  My eyes began to prickle as everything became too real once again.  Here before me was a simple bench in a little grove dedicated to the women I-  the women who never knew how much she meant to me. The guilt overtook me. 

“Tony, can I be alone for a bit?” I asked, my eyes still trained on the bench.  

“Sure thing, I’ll just head back to the house.  I’ve got a few calls to make anyway. I assume you can find your way back?”  I nodded in reply and then Tony was off, back down the little path. Once I could no longer hear the sound of his footsteps I took another step toward the bench before falling to my knees before it.  The emotion tumbling up inside me. 

“Rose, you can’t be dead.”  I said through gritted teeth and let my head fall into my hands as my elbows rested on  _ her _ bench.  “You just can’t, because I’m here now and the TARDIS wouldn’t have let me come if you weren’t here.  She’s never been so cruel.” I laughed a bit, a humorless chuckle. “I know what you would say to that.  She doesn’t always take me where I want to go, but she always takes me where I need to go. Well right now, that’s absolute hogwash.”  I talked into the empty air, my volume growing with each angry, sad word that left me. 

“Where is the  _ need  _ here?  I’m the one that needs!  I  _ need _ you and that is so very me.  Oh, Rose. You’re still the only thing I can believe in after all these years.  I still believe in you. I have to believe you’re still out there. So all of this?  It’s nothing! It’s a good English show, for the public, prove that your family moved on.  But I can’t accept it. I won’t accept it because it isn’t right. Rassilon, I’m missing something  _ huge _ aren’t I?  It’s staring me right in the face.  I know it.” At that moment I collapsed onto the bench, my arms a sloppy mess my head going with it.  A slow steady stream of wetness trailing down my face. It hurt. It hurt  _ so _ goddamn much.  I’ve done a lot in my long life, but not often did I break down in any place that wasn’t the TARDIS.  It was too vulnerable. Too dangerous, you never knew what was lurking around the corner. 

With that I straightened up, stood up, and dusted off my trousers.  I couldn’t let this go on for long, Tony could come out here and find me.  I couldn’t have that, no matter how much I was beginning to trust him. He didn’t need to see the broken man that lie inside.  He needed to see the man his sister left behind, the  _ good  _ man.  Even though it had been a long time since I have been that man.  

“The day I have proof, Rose… That is the day I come back here and say goodbye.  The way I meant to all those years ago. Even if you aren’t here to hear it. Even though I _know_  you know.  Truth is, it does need saying.  Because if I never say it, I’ll never let you go.”  I paused for a moment and looked up at the quickly darkening sky. It gave me a piece of mind. “Once I thought never admitting how I felt was the only way to go.  To keep me from hurting when I eventually lost you. But I was so wrong, and it’s only hurt me more in the long run.” I sighed and my head dropped down again. “Oh, I miss you.”  With that I turned on my heel and headed back down the tiny path to the massive house.

 

If trees could listen and understand english… let’s say for some reason they could.  Let’s say they were listening, hearing everything the Doctor was saying. Feeling his pain along with him.  Maybe they could even know his story. They could be sentient trees. Maybe they would cry along with him, for his loss, and his dwindling hope.  He was a ship lost at sea looking for a lighthouse on the shore, it was a very sad story. Yes, they would cry. How could they not? For these imaginary trees, they were very compassionate things. But maybe, they really weren’t that imaginary.  The trees were there after all. In the thicket around Rose’s memorial. So maybe, this isn’t all just a bunch of maybes. Because I know, there was a tree in that thicket covered in tears.


	6. Playing Pronouns

_ Playing Pronouns _

Tony

I had never seen a more distraught man in my life.  Especially as he tried to hide the occasional tremors that rattled his body.  It was very obvious to me that the Doctor is a man who doesn’t let others in easily.  The walls surrounding him were so thick and tall I suspected only one person had managed to break past them.  The man before me barely made any faces but stark serious. If ‘stark serious’ meant eyes full of a harrowing battle and the occasional twitch of facial muscles.  Perhaps it was just the eyebrows that made him seem so serious. Or maybe it was the forceful way he cut through the steak we were having for dinner.

“On the planet France they can only cook steak to perfection.  AND They bring it out to you already cut to your perfect bite size pieces.  They’re partially sentient you see, so they can sense what you would like and how you would like it before you even open the menu!  Or perhaps that was just this chef at that restaurant in Guatemala in 2363.” The Doctor rambled before plopping another ferociously cut piece in his mouth.  I nodded as I chewed my own piece, something about this man still wasn’t adding up.

“Rose once mentioned you had intentions to take her to that Planet France you just mentioned.  She said that you said it was a place where dogs have no noses and that you found that quite funny.  However she did say you were in a bit of a delirious state at that particular moment.” My attempt at mentioning her casually would probably only prove positive in failure.  I had a funny sneaking suspicion that this man couldn’t even be around the actual  _ flower _ without thinking about all she meant to him.  I took a sip of my red wine and watched him carefully.  He brought his cloth napkin to his lips and nodded. Once he finished wiping he spoke as he placed the napkin on the table.

“We never did end up going.”  He said wistfully then he smirked for just a moment

before excusing himself from the table, his meal finished.  I bid him goodnight and he was gone with one of my maids, named Angela, showing him the way.  I took another sip of my wine before deciding to just tip it back and finish it off. As the fresh wave of alcohol settled in my system I settled back in my chair and brought my hand to my face in thought.  The peculiar thing about the evening and the Doctor swirled around in my head until it became obvious! How had I missed it before?

The Doctor’s character was definitely a fight or flight personality.  Maybe leaning more heavily towards flight if his display back at Torchwood Base wasn’t an obvious enough indicator for this.  That’s why things were so strange feeling. By all sense and logic after seeing Rose’s memorial I had expected the Doctor to bolt.  But instead he had come back to the house with a new hard edge that I couldn’t quite place the motivation behind. He had even accepted my offer of dinner and a place to stay.  The whole time it seemed as if he was fighting instincts he had ingrained in him.

I stood up from the table and wandered to the sitting room.  Angela came in shortly after I sat down, the rest of the bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other. 

“Are we expecting someone, Angela?”  I asked glancing up at her with an inquisitive look.  She simply nodded and was about to speak when the front door buzzed.  She smiled at me with a mischievous look before dashing off to answer it.  A few moments later Angela escorted Mel into the room. The two were gossiping about the latest Hollywood/Royal Family gossip and what not.  I smiled at them and once Mel was seated their conversation dissolved into laughter.

“That’ll be all for tonight, thank you Angela.”  I smiled kindly at her and watched her face light up with happiness.  She wiggled her eyebrows at me as she backed out of the room saying,

“Thank you Mr. Tyler, have a nice evening.”  She threw a playful glance at the other woman in the room, “Call me later Mel!”  Mel nodded in response and the she was off to enjoy her friday night presumably. My gaze shifted to Mel who was pouring herself a glass of wine before she relaxed leisurely into the arm chair, toeing her black heels off and flinging a leg over the arm.  She had on tight black pants and a loose green jumper which complimented her eyes. Her hair all loose and vibrant red was surrounding her like a slightly messy halo. She was only five years my junior but had managed to hold her youth and vitality much better than I had.

“I expect everything went well then?”  I said in an almost sarcastic tone as I refilled my wine glass.  Mel gave a light laugh and winked.

“As always.  You know me.”

“You said ‘tomorrow’ if I remember correctly.  Must have been a good flight path.” I quipped.  She gave me a knowing look before sitting up and putting her serious ‘it’s time to do business face’ on.  

“ _ You _ called me here, remember?  Care to update me on the situation at hand?” I sighed, it was always either business or pleasure with this one- no inbetween. 

“Right of course.  Well, first off… he’s actually staying the night here.” I drew out slowly, as if I was barely slipping my toe in the water, because I knew this statement could easily put me in defensive territory.  And for this I was correct, I was greeted with a raised, and very judgemental, red eyebrow.

“Do you really-”

“Now, Mel, let me explain first.  It  _ is _ him.  It’s her mystery man.  He came clean and told me his memories were perfectly intact.  I’ve got no reason to believe the contrary. I even sent our Norwegian associates to check the beach and see if the blue box was there.  He calls himself ‘the Doctor’. Oh and Melody you should see the way he reacted to her memorial and everything. You just can’t fake that kind of emotion! It’s so clear he used to lo-”

“Tony!  You’re rambling.”  Mel cut me off, even though she knew I wasn’t really rambling.  She probably just didn’t want me to be too presumptuous. The silence settled over us for a moment, I looked up and could see Mel’s thinking face.  The gears turning, then her pensive green eyes met mine. 

“You know what this means?” Mel whispered intently then she glanced side to side and leaned in closer to me.  I shook my head no.

“You only ever told me to tell you if any of those key things popped up!  Screwdriver, blue box, mysteriously docile alien man, oh and of course asking about Rose!”  I spit out quickly. There was a sparkling excitement in Melody’s eyes that furthered my confusion, in turn making me give her the most incredulous look.  

“Mel, what’s goin-”

“It’s happening Tony!”  She said in an excited whisper.  Her hands gripped the edge of her chair then a laugh burst forth from her lips.

“Oh!  I can’t wait to tell mom!  She’ll freak! She never believed he was real and now I get the cha-”

“Melody Williams!”  I said sternly and she gave me a pouty look.

“What?”

“Tell me what it means!”  I reached over and grabbed her hand, attempting to ground the bubbly woman.  

“What do you mean Tony?”  Mel said giving me an exasperated look.  I sighed, equally exasperated and rubbed my hand down my face.  This woman was going to wear my nerves down to nothing.

“You’re playing the pronoun game!  You asked me if ‘I know what this means?’ And then you said ‘it’s happening Tony’.  What’s going on?! Why have I been waiting for this strange guy to drop out of the sky!   _ What is happening! _ ”  After I had gotten that out of my system I felt that my breath was coming out in little pants.  I hadn’t intended to get angry and I was sure my face was flushed slightly red. Partially due to the alcohol I had consumed.  Mel was giving me a shocked look, mouth hanging open and everything. Then she sat back and crossed her arms, giving me a pointed look that said ‘you need to apologize’.

“I’m sorry Melody.  I don’t mean to get upset with you.  It’s just- It’s all related to my sister somehow.  This is partially about  _ Rose _ and I just get defensive.”  Giving Mel a pained look I sit back defeated and put my palm over my eyes.

“Hey Tone, It’s okay.  I guess, I thought your dad would have told you.  Or maybe even my mum. Hell, how would I know? We never work the same cases anymore and I just figured since you became the director of London you would get updated.” During her ramble I had moved my hand and watched her like she was trying to solve a complicated math problem.  Then her eyes skittered over to mine and she smiled. Leaning in close to me again her eyes provided another twinkle.

“We get to call Fable!”  Mel exclaimed with a squee coming at the end.  I was still confused till my mind caught up, an image of a file I had seen only once in the black archives.

“You mean… Fabold Woman?  That file in Torchwood’s black archives is empty!  Like it’s just a placeholder or something! With just that phrase written on it.  You’re telling me-”

“I’m telling you it’s pronounced ‘Fabled’ but mum just calls her Fable.  That’s also what she calls herself, mind you. Mum has hundreds of stories about their travels together.  Dad and her sailing across the stars.” Mel was smiling so wide I thought she might split. “Dad never let me go off with her.  I hated him for it for  _ so long _ .  Mum even agreed with him!  So I ran off and joined Torchwood.  Now, that didn’t make them too happy either but apparently I’ve already met her when I was a baby.  But only once in my recent-ish memories.” The more Mel rambled the more confused I became. She made this ‘Fabled Woman’ sound like… well sound like  _ him _ .  The Doctor 2.0.  As if she was an alternate version of him… what the hell was going on around here lately?

“Mel, I’m still not getting it completely.  This woman… she sounds like  _ him _ .”  I attempted to explain and made a vague gesture upwards in the general vicinity of my guest.  Mel looked upward in thought before she spoke.

“I suppose…”  She said drawing it out, then she started nodding and met my eyes.  “Now that you point it out, they are quite similar.” Mel mused some more and nodded again, probably just to her own thoughts, though she said nothing more on that subject.  “Anyway.” She quipped, “I’ll have to make the call in the morning and you’ll have to let me spend the night.” Mel gave me a wink and I smirked back at her, the previous conversation forgotten,  _ almost _ .

“I take it you’ll just have to explain it to me in the morning.  Just one thing though, why are we calling her?”

“Because she’s the one who put out the APW.”

* * *

Doctor

I’ve never been one to sleep for long periods of time (This mostly due to my Time Lord biology), nor have I been one to sleep restfully- especially since the war.  A few nightmare’s plagued me like bad re-runs of cable television and I hate cable television. Especially when it keeps showcasing the worst moments in my life.

Often times I would watch Rose lose her grasp on that lever and fall into The Void.  No Pete would show up and Rose would just be gone, lost to just exist in whatever existence there was in that empty space.  But the worst dreams were the ones where I was able to stay with Rose only to watch her grow old and frail and then… forget me.  Rose’s beautiful, vivacious mind… consumed by some degenerating disease. Even with everything that had happened, how I had lost her, Rose forgetting me would still be a worser fate.  Or even me forgetting her. 

Tonight these dreams had combined, I watched again and again as Rose slipped in The Void.  But as the dream changed I saw myself, as I am now, rescuing her from the void. The joy of it almost led me to believe my nightmare had shifted to a pleasant dream!  I couldn’t believe my luck, that I had Rose in my arms again, only for her to struggle away from me. A confused and scared look in her eyes.

_ “Rose! Rose, its me! It’s the Doctor!” _ I would cry but the confusion didn’t leave her eyes.  In face she just looked more confused, her face twisting and took a few more steps away from me.

_“I’m sorry mister, I don’t know you.”_ Dream Rose said and my heart crumbled in her hands, falling to pieces on the floor.  Then she faded away with each step she took backwards and I crumbled to the ground, unable to take the pain, surrounded in the pieces of me she left behind.  Then I would get up and start running, and running, and running. Never stopping, never looking back, but never _ever_ being able to forget the look in her face.

That’s how I would up, a cold sweat covering my body.  The sun was breaking through the drawn curtains. The feeling of the nightmare was still coursing adrenaline through my system.  My double hearts beating out the gallop of a horse. My internal clock told me it was near to eight and I was greatly surprised. Despite waking covered in a sheen of sweat I had apparently slept for almost twelve hours.  This was probably due to the three plus days without sleep. For the most part I felt rested, especially as my breathing slowed and my hearts rate descended to a normal double thump against my rib cage.

* * *

Later that morning I rounded the corner into the dining room to see a full smorgasbord of a breakfast laid out for us, although it technically wasn’t an actual  _ smorgasbord _ this was the best word I could think of to describe the volume  _ and _ variety of food.  My hunger wasn’t particularly prevalent, however, so I strolled over to the large fruit bowl at the end of the table and plucked up a wonderful yellow fruit.  Banana’s are a cure all treat, especially to chase away the nightmares.

Just as I was taking my first bite of the pale yellow fruit a red headed woman rounded the corner wearing a man’s button down shirt and hopefully a pair of shorts, although I couldn’t see any upon first inspection.  She didn’t take any notice of me as she grabbed for a piece of bacon. She chewed and mused as her eyes scanned the contents of the table. Eventually her tired eyes grazed the fruit bowl, at which point they widened at the sight of what I can only assume was the bottom of my coat or the top of my thighs.  Her eyes shot up to my face and she froze just as she swallowed her last bite of bacon.

“Hello.”  I said casually, something in her face was strikingly familiar.  Something that was niggling at the back of my mind. “Oh. You must be  _ him _ .”  The woman said, there was a slight scottish tinge to her accent and I suddenly had a sinking suspicion as to who she was.  “I’m sorry, I’m not a morning person and I’m rude. I’m Melody Williams but everyone calls me Mel. You must be the Doctor.”  I balked at her statement and her outstretched hand for a moment before quickly meeting her hand in the air to shake it. Could it be possible?  A version of Amy and Rory somehow intertwined with rose’s world. And before me a very human version of River. An original version that still looked like a perfect mix of Amy and Rory.  I smiled at the thought of Amy and Rory still happy and alive somewhere in their correct timeline, free of my interference, not in the past in New York City.

“Yes, that’s me.  The Doctor from another universe.  Noticing all the strange little similarities between the two of them.”  At this I threw a furtive glance in Melody’s direction. She looked side to side and then pointed at herself confused and shocked.

“What… me?  You know me in the other universe?”  Mel said as she picked up another slice of bacon, clearly very intrigued.

“Sort of.  I’m sure I know your parents, however, you have an entirely different type of existence in my universe.”  I paused for a moment before I amended myself, I didn’t need her thinking that the other version of her had it better when she didn’t.  “However, I think your life is much better and probably happier here.” Mel smiled at this and nodded in thought. 

“My mum had had dreams of you since she was little.  Except you didn’t look like this. She said you wore a funny bow tie and tweed jacket.  You were all young and bouncy with floppy brown hair.” Mel explained giving me an inquisitive look.  I nodded at her and moved around the table to be more directly across from her.

“Not surprising, if there’s an exact copy of someone in another universe and they have very strong experiences or adventures sometimes those memories slip across The Void as dreams.”  I smiled, “The two people are basically twins.” That was a comforting thought that brought some light into this current situation. The potential of seeing Amy again was very pleasant, even if it isn’t _my_ Amy, persay.  Mel nodded and walked around the curve of the table to procure an apple from the fruit bowl.

“So… you know my parents, huh?”  Mel said in that drawling way that was distinctly  _ River _ .  Especially when she was attempting to flirt with me.  I chuckled at her devilish ways and made a point of ignoring them, as usual.

“Yes, Amelia Pond and Rory Williams.  Married on the 26 of June, 2010. Probably had you in the following year or something like that.”  I stated as simply as I could.

“Probably?” Melody questioned.

“Well, things went a little wonky in that department in my universe.”

“What department?” Mel pushed, her curiosity getting the best of her.

“You.”  During the banter I had picked up a plate and filled it with a bit of everything.  Beans, sausage, eggs sunny side, bacon, and a crescent roll, it all looked wonderful.  Mel narrowed her eyes at me and opened her mouth to speak when Tony entered the room. He distracted her thoughts, that much was obvious, her eyes practically sparkled as she gazed at him.  Tony was already dressed impeccably for the day, as was I. He nodded a good morning to me and walked over to Mel where he kissed her on the cheek an arm going to support her behind the back.  I sat at the table but kept one eye on the interesting relationship that had just unfolded before me. Suddenly, the men’s button down made a lot of sense. T leaned over and whispered in Mel’s ear, then Mel glanced down at her appearance.

“Well, what’s wrong with this?”

“We have a guest, Melody.  Plus we have important things to do right after breakfast.”  Tony said in a hushed tone. Then Mel simply nodded, her eyes going wide and looked over at me.

“If you’ll excuse me.”  Mel said and went off, back upstairs.  Tony turned to me and smiled then grabbed his own plate to dish up.

“How did you sleep?” T questioned politely.

“As well as usual,  _ you _ ?” I returned, raising my eyebrows on the last bit, letting there be no question of me entendre. T chuckled and sat with his plate, picking up his fork and knife to dig in.  He didn’t answer me but we shared a knowing glance.

* * *

We were just finishing breakfast when Mel excused herself again to go make a call.  There was a lot of excitement in her voice and a secretive look in her eye as she stole a glance at T.  I watched her saunter off with curiosity, mischief in every step. Some things never change. I threw a questioning glance at T as he was finished wiping his mouth.  T nodded and then placed his napkin on the table in front of him.

“Yes, I know.  She’s a mysterious person but she’s got a job to do and she loves when she knows things others don’t.  You’ll find out soon enough.”

“What do you mean I’ll find out ‘soon enough’?  What does this have to do with me?” I questioned giving T a wary look.

“Alright, Doctor, time for me to come clean, huh?  Let’s head out to the veranda.” T answered as he stood up, I followed quickly after him since I wa still willing to trust him, I would be patient for now, with whatever Melody and him were withholding from me.

“Mel is an agent for Torchwood, she technically is my superior but she prefers the rush of field work, as she puts it.”  Tony explained as he opened the sliding glass door onto the sunny porch. That would be sunny day number two in Pete’s Universe alternate London.  “A long time ago we had an issue with mysterious people coming around looking for Rose. So, we had to set up a series of trials if you were to ever show up so that you would be allowed to see her.  And… after she passed, for you to learn the truth.” T finished explaining while I just nodded along. It all made logical sense, that’s for sure. If there had been people coming after Rose, she would have needed those safeguards.

“But who had the protocol continue after she was gone?  What would be the point?” I wondered aloud, Tony shrugged back at me, it was obvious he had the same question.  My hearts started to beat faster, foolish hope beginning to pump through my veins.

“Exactly! So, I guess that’s who Mel is calling.  There’s someone in this universe that needs to meet you I guess.”  I balked at T and tried to ignore how there was strong potential for bad things to be afoot.  Just then Mel bounded onto the back veranda with us.

“Alright! She’s on her way!  You,” Mel pointed directly at me, “Are to go and meet her just past the memorial.  She’ll be landing in a few minutes.”

“Alone?”  I questioned and Mel just nodded, as excited as ever.  Completely unaware of my worries. “Once you guys finish your pow wow bring her back down here to spend some time with us.  My mum’s driving in with my dad to catch up.” I looked over at Tony for help but he just gave me a reassuring smile.

“She probably won’t abduct you.  If it’s any consolation Mel and I devised that she’s the  _ you _ of this universe.”  I blinked a few times in confusion.  Was that even possible? 

“Wait, you said landing! Landing in  _ what _ ?”  I asked, my voice rising a few notches in an incredulous tone.

“OH, just get along, will you?”  Mel chastised me, “Stop worrying! You’ll like her, I’m sure of it.”  The she laughed and sat down with the also lounging Tony, their relaxation made my stiffness and nerves seem that much more prevalent.  I opened my mouth to as another nervous question but Mel just held up her finger and made a tsk-ing noise. Then shoo-ed me off! So I nodded, straightened my suit jacket, and walked off towards the thicket past the veranda.

I wasn’t excited to return to the memorial.  The was it made me feel was very vulnerable and negative to the cause of me trying to figure out what was happening around here.  But I walked on into the greyish colored thicket, head up and watchful. I pulled out my screwdriver and began to scan for whatever would be landing.  I was coming up with nothing even though I had the screwdriver set to scan for  _ all _ alien tech, including human.  It wasn’t long before I came to the opening, the day before the walk had felt much longer, I purposefully was keeping my emotions on lock.

There was nothing around me though.  No one had ‘arrived’ and I was still very alone in this very sad place.  I looked in all directions, scanning, and still saw nothing. I turned to the bend and sighed, my head drooping.

“What’s going on?”  I said listlessly to no one.  I lifted my head and nearby I heard a Robin’s song, somewhere… far off in front of me, but it seemed to be coming closer, getting louder.  I looked for the bird but instead a flash of red on the ground caught my eye. Just beyond this current ring of trees, there was a… patch of red roses.  I was sure I hadn’t seen them there the day before, or moment before for that matter. I strolled cautiously over to the tree where the roses grew, looking side to side in anticipation of something,  _ anything _ .  But there was a resounding nothing but the wide white oak in front of me.

_ White oak? _ That wasn’t there yesterday either!  I stumbled back a few steps and fumbled for my screwdriver, but I was too slow.  A door slid open in the tree and a golden light shone out from within, shadowing the figure in the doorway that had appeared.  I took another step back but my calves hit the bench and forced me into a sitting position. The person stepped forward holding up their hands in a defensive position, intending to show they intended no harm.

“It’s okay!  Sorry I startled you old guy, I didn’t mean it.”  Came the female voice with an American accent. She stepped a few more steps forward and I could tell she had long black hair down to her wait, it was loose and shadowing her face.  I took a deep breath attempting to ground my breathing. I gripped the cold stone beneath me for balance as I stood back up.

“It’s quite alright, Miss.  I’m supposed to be meeting someone is all.”  I explained lamely, “And then you stepped out of that tree.”  I added to my astounding brilliance, still completely thrown off.  Was this the woman I was supposed to meet?

“Oh, that’s probably me.  I’m Fable.” The woman said as she tucked her hair behind one ear and stuck out her hand.  The polite thing to do would have been to shake her hand and introduce myself but I could not.  I was frozen. Every bit of me was frozen. My breathing had hitched and I swore even my hearts stopped for a moment as I caught sight of her blue eyes.  _ Blue _ .  How strange.  Such a simple color, it hadn’t been mine since my ninth face, since I had met  _ her _ . 

There were blue eyes in her face, raven hair flowing down framing her face, it was so black it was almost like oil.  Patches of sun streamed through the trees and her hair caught the light like little rainbows were adorning it. But everything else was the same face that had haunted my dreams and nightmares for so long.

“R-Rose?”


	7. Shiver and Shake

_ Shiver and Shake _

Fable’s 

_ “Oh, that’s probably me.  I’m Fable.” I said as I tucked a hair behind my ear then stuck out my hand to the severe looking man for a handshake.  He looked down at my hand then up at my eyes and froze. His eyes went so wide I thought they might pop. As if he couldn’t believe I was real.  I knew he had been shocked but he had recovered , hadn’t he? And he was still staring into my eyes, showing me the emotion in his eyes that said so much.  Like he knew me… Like he lo- _

_ “R-Rose?”  The man said and a slight smile broke onto his face, disbelief.  _ My mouth opened and closed for a moment before I just shook my head.

“N-No.  I’m Fable.  I just said that.”  I gave him a strange look but the shocked look didn’t leave his eyes, like he hadn’t even registered what I had said.  “Who’s Rose?” I said the name like It tasted weird in my mouth, and it did. Something….not quite foreign, but like an very old, almost dead language.  His face twitched and then fell to disappointment, the wall was crumbling, that crashing wave of hope, toppling over into just sea suds. Then it was like he settled to stone.  No emotion.

“I’m sorry, I’m the Doctor.  Those- the- uhm, flowers. They confused me.”  My hand had dropped out of the air a while ago but he made no move to shake it anyway, he just turned away and looked down.  I smiled pleasantly and stayed where I was. This was the man I had been waiting for, The Doctor, so I had to be patient.

“Pleased to meet you, Doctor.  I’ve been waiting for you for… quite a long time.”  The grey haired man glanced up, a strange twinkle in his eye. 

“You’ve been… waiting.  For me?”

“Yes! My ship, apparently she originated from you and yours.  Or at least, that’s what the files say. I have  _ so many  _ questions.”  I said so quickly, like he might run away before I finished.  Then I grabbed his hand and was about to lead him into my ship but something… stopped me.  There was something so nice about the way his hand fit in mine. I couldn’t describe it, even as my heart seemed to be calling out for it.  I looked back at him into his green eyes, those familiar eyes. Suddenly a small tingling shock passed between our interlocked hands but neither of us let go.

“Do I know you?”  I said, absolutely puzzled by him.  A small smile took up one corner of his lips.  

“You should.”  He said simply, searching my eyes as I searched his.  One of my hands went up to his cheek and caressed it lightly.  The Doctor leaned into the touch, his eyelids fluttering closed and a small sigh escaping his parted lips.  Then he brought up his own hand to cover mine on his face.

“I feel like I do.” My voice said so softly if I wasn’t so close to him I’m not sure he would have heard.  I felt wetness on my cheek and realized I must have started dripping tears. “Why am I crying?” I said to myself and took my hand off his face to wipe mine.  The Doctor then recaptured my hand and entwined our fingers, I smiled gratefully.

“Why don’t we go in your ship.”  His voice was so deep and Scottish as I looked into his eyes, so mesmerized that I could only nod.  Then I turned heel and pulled him with me, a smile broke out on my face. This felt so right. We walked into the tree and suddenly we were in the large room. The coral struts big and the shiny equipment impressive, I gestured with one hand attempting to be grand.

“Welcome to the S.T.A.R.D.I.S.!”  I turned back to him, expecting him to be slightly impressed as he looked around but he was still looking at me.

“STARDIS?” He questioned, not confused simply curious. 

“The Second Time and Relative Dimension in Space.  This is my ship, she’s wonderful. She sensed that her sister is in Norway when we landed and I figured that must be you!”  I said cheerily, a feeling of lightness and elation all over me as we approached the console. He chuckled at me and I turned back to look at him.  “So, what do you think? Do you like her? Is she like yours?”

“She’s just like an old screensaver of mine, but a slightly different color scheme.”  He looked around a bit then looked right back at me, smiling big. “She’s magnificent.”

I beamed right back at him, the Doctor finally took his eyes off mine and looked at the time rotor.  He let go of my hand to stroke his hands along the console, I immediately felt the loss of his hand in mine but kept my feet planted, not wanting to seem like a wanton woman chasing this man I had just met.

I watched him circle the console, tracings few levers, dials, and buttons then he walked up to a coral strut, still smiling.  I watched him stroke it as a puzzled look came over his face, then he leaned in and… licked it! He just licked my ship! A funny look came over my face and my shock dissolved into laughter.  It was like someone had just told an inside joke.

“What?  What’s so funny?”  The Doctor said while approaching me, a smirk in his eyes as I doubled over.  I could see in his face he knew exactly why I was laughing. I stood up and looked at him, trying to hold in the giggles but failing desperately.  The Doctor laughed a bit with me and his hand came up to my cheek, a sincere look in his eyes. 

“You’re crying.” He stated as he wiped the tear away, his other hand mimicking the first.  It was then that I noticed it, while staring into his eyes, oceans of greens with so much time and at the bottom… so much sadness. It was the same thing I saw when I looked in the mirror at my own aged eyes.

“I guess I am, again.  I just feel so sad sometimes and I don’t know why…”  I trailed off, then grabbed his hands off of my face to hold them in my own again.  “Why did you lick my ship?” I asked, changing the subject back. The question that was in his eyes subsided for the moment and he smiled at me.

“I wanted to know how old she is.  That’s all. I haven’t pulled that move in a while though and unfortunately for me I don’t think my taste buds are as accurate as they were in my previous two bodies.”  I just shook my head at him, He was so weird, but not in a way that was unfamiliar, for a moment I even thought I saw him but a different him doing the exact same thing.  Why did I see that? My head was starting to hurt and I winced noticeably.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”  His tone was worried and his hands ran up my arms to my biceps.  Everywhere he touched me felt so normal, so comforting, so  _ right _ .  But why?  I had the overwhelming desire to hug him and not let go, but that isn’t normal.

“It’s just… You I guess. Being around you feels so natural, like a weird dream I once had, like it’s happened a million times before and… now I’m seeing things.”  I looked up at him, searching for an answer he must know because I could see in those wonderful green pools he knew me, even though I didn't know him… really know him that is.

“Fable, how old are you?” There was a tinge of fear in his eyes, his hand came up to my face again.  I just shook my head and took a step away. His hands dropped but he stayed in place. I wrapped my arms around myself and turned away.  What was he doing to me?

“Very old, Doctor.”  I noticed the haunted tone my voice took on, as if age had suddenly slipped into my whole demeanor.  I turned back to him and I’m sure he saw the time weary eyes I hid from most. “Probably older than you.”  A deep chuckle came from him so I glanced up into his eyes and once again saw all of that time I usually see in my eyes.

“And how old do I seem to you?”  He questioned amused, I looked carefully and saw his extensive timeline with so many breaks and twists.

“Somewhere upwards of twenty one hundred.”  I stated simply, “No point in being specific when we’re as old as we are… is there?”  I said in a very cagey manner, his face dropped with… was that worry? But what could he be worried about … me?  Not me.

“No, I suppose not,” He said slowly as he strolled over to the console, clearly trying to keep the distance I had put between us.  “Strange though… paying attention to the details can be important every now and then. For instance, if you had bothered to look closely you would see we are exactly the same age.  Right down to the minute. Now that is fascinating, and a detail I wouldn’t want to miss considering everything.” I blinked a few times at that statement, there was so much going on.  Not only all these little weird things but I also trusted him immensely, like I could feel it in my bones. I could trust him with everything.  _ I would trust him with my life _ , Something inside me said,  _ I would die to protect him too _ .  But why?  Who was he?! I had just met him!  I barely knew him. My life has been long and full of so many strange things but this situation and this man were quickly climbing to the top of the list.  I shook my head, tried to clear my thoughts, and remember my primary objective, my ship.

I walked over to the display screen in the console and the Doctor watched me from the other side.

“The Base Code of this ship says this is a type 40B TARDIS. That was genetically multiplied to accelerate the growing process.  But there are a few files in this that are locked and I can’t get into them. They’ve been apart of the database for as long as I can remember and they’re all titled mysteriously.”  As I explained the Doctor strolled casually around the console to stand next to me. “Another part of the Base Code was this signature Theta Sigma. Original TARDIS CP. Theta Sigma…  Now I’m hoping that’s you.” I said, turning to him but he was suddenly much closer than I expected, it was distracting and dizzying. His scent consumed me and I felt lighter than air, all safe and relieved.  Thankfully the Doctor didn’t notice.

“Yes, that’s my old nickname from back in my school days.”  Then he turned and smiled at me, but he was so close and he was consuming my every thought, my eyes drifted down to his lips as the sudden need for him overcame me, I leaned in-

“What, uh- where…  Those files.” The Doctor’s voice came out deep, raspy, and very Scottish.  “Why are they mysterious?” Then he was back in control, his strong voice like a splash of cold water.  I turned my head to the screen and ignored what had just happened. I pressed my fingers to the screen and swiped around a bit, selecting the file titled ‘Mysterious Files’.

“Here they are.”  I said softly and took a quick glance at him.  He was watching me carefully then his eyes darted to the screen, upon reading the files his breathing hitched and then resumed as if to play off his shocked reaction.  “You know what they mean, don’t you?” I said and put a hand on his shoulder, he turned to me and balked, unsure what to say.

“Three files, R.M.T., then J.A.S.T. And Others, lastly Meta.”  His head dropped, “They all have to do with you. I hope at least.”  He said, then turned up to me. “But I didn’t create them, you did. Therefore you created the passwords and then chose to erase your memory of it.”  I gave him the most astonished look while he was looking at me with sympathy and… hope?

“How can I remember what I’ve forgotten?”  My voice sounded so small, insecure, and young.  As if I didn’t have 2000 years behind me. 

“I might be able to help with that, but I’m not entirely sure.  It could take a while and definitely a lot of trust.” He paused and reached out to take my hand, I hadn’t realized I had begun to back away from him.  “We’re gonna need to form a mental connection. A psychic link; and it’s going to be hard for you because no one ever taught you when you were young. But if I’m right-”. He paused again and looked into my eyes, as he gestured between us “If we’re the same.  Then there’s hope. You can remember who you used to be.” I shook my head and took a few huge steps back, my eyes felt wide and but watery. My life had just been turned upside down and it was all happening too fast. I could feel the fear bubbling in my system; adrenaline; fight or flight.  But which of the last two would win over? My mouth started to spill out words before I really had time to think them.

“See, I already know who I am though.  And I know one thing for sure, I would only erase my memories if there was no other option.  Only if my suffering was too great. Then I know I don’t want to remember.” The Doctor blinked at me and furrowed his brows further.  “Anyways, I’ve tried to guess the passwords and the clue it gives me every time is  _ Ask the Doctor.   _ I can’t tell you how many physicians I called until Amy told me about her dreams of you.”  I finally allowed my eyes to meet his once I started talking about Amy I felt safe… Like I wasn’t in an emotional danger zone anymore.  He looked so sad as he opened his mouth to say something but just ended up closing it back up again and turned away to look at the screen.  I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and collapsed into the jump seat. My head fell into my hands, thoughts raging a billion miles a minute.

* * *

_ The Doctor _

I was filled with dread and hope in equal measure as the afternoon carried on.  The fact that she didn’t know me was terrifying. I had to quickly bury my reaction to that, no reason to put this poor woman in any position.  But then, when she touched my hand and looked in my eyes it was as if everything froze, recognition almost trickling into her blue eyes, like tiny drops of water.  How our hands fit together perfectly had somehow triggered something in her and suddenly  _ she thought she knew me _ .  That was something, right? That was more than something!

Then that delicate hand touched my cheek, just like she had thousands of times and I leaned into it just like I always had before, but this time it had been  _ so long _ .  It was bliss and I wanted it to last so I let my palm cover the back of her hand that was on my face and let my eyes drift closed as I savored in the sensation of familiarity.  This simple thing was something I never thought I would feel ever again. Then when I opened my eyes I saw the tears tracking down her face and that hurt. I intertwined our fingers to offer her comfort, something I couldn’t convey since I still didn’t know how Fable would want me to be.  But I do know Rose, I knew we had to get away to have this conversation. There was just too much going on and eventually she would retreat from it all. It was best to prolong that reaction for as long as possible.

Once inside the ship there was another sense of elation; of normalcy.  Her hand in mine as she showed me her ship, even when I chose to drop her hand I wished I hadn’t but we were both so happy it didn’t matter.  Then I sensed something weird in the air, the sentient ship was trying to convey age. An… Old, very old age. But that couldn’t be right! Not only was this a TARDIS grown from mine (given to my clone), but it was almost as old!  So when I licked it to be sure of its 2000 year mileage I found myself a bit distracted by the distinct sound of  _ Rose’s _ giggle.  Such a beautiful sound that had haunted my dreams for 1100 years.  I watched her laughing at me, she looked so beautiful I was drawn to her, moth to the flame.  I walked closer only to see that beautiful happiness tainted with sadness. In my mind an image of a cracked dam became so vibrant it hurt.  Little leaks here and there until it would all burst forth.

It was a terrifying image, all that time.  If the ship was so old did that mean she was as well?  Been wondering after me for that long? My heart ached for her, no wonder she was crying.  If all those memories of me were suppressed under the surface… No it couldn’t be… Or at least I had to be sure.  If she had buried her memories it could be extremely painful for her if they broke back through all at once. Sure enough she winced and I immediately went to comfort her.  My hands on her arms when I really wanted to hug her and apologize. Because somehow I just knew it was all my fault.

_ “It’s just… You I guess. Being around you feels so natural, like a weird dream I once had, like it’s happened a million times before and… Now I’m seeing things.”  _  My suspicions were being confirmed memories were leaking and all because I stupidly decided to lick the ship.  I needed to know how long it had been for her, but as soon as I asked she started to retreat in on herself. It was startlingly familiar for me, watching her walls go up, it was something I often did.

_ “Very old, Doctor.” _  I held my breath at that, I didn’t want her to be old, but the possibilities…  _ “Probably older than you.” _  Her heart wrenching yet despondent reply came and I couldn’t help but chuckle.  Older than me was hard to do, there had to be something off. My senses weren’t up to par, at least the taste ones.

_ “And how old do I seem to you?” _  Then I watched in shock as her eyes began to glow gold slightly as she looked at me.  Then I felt it, that gold essence brushing against my mind with the barest of touches.

_ “Somewhere upwards of twenty one hundred.  No point in being specific when we’re as old as we are… Is there?”  _  All of the glowing and the barest mental connection had happened so fast I could barely react until she spoke and then I felt my face fall.  It couldn’t be possible. If she was what I thought she  _ might _ be, for her to have spent 2000 years in the wrong universe not knowing?  About me, herself, or even what she is? In this universe she would be the  _ only _ of her kind and I would never wish that on anyone.  Especially not her. I quickly schooled my face and walked slowly around the console, guilt creeping in on me.

_ “No, I suppose not.” _  I said slowly as I took the moment to look at her timeline and found it almost identical to mine.  Except the beginning where it was a bit blurred and muddled. I told her as much, omitting the last bit and watched her process this, she was struggling through a haze of confusion.  I watched her shake her head and walk up to the display screen; onto the next matter of business. Questions could come later, I guess.

I strolled over to her as she explained her problem with the ship, the base work, the mysterious files, which really weren’t all that mysterious if my theories were correct.  I stopped right next to her to look at the screen with my old signature. It was eerie to find this in another universe like this. She turned to me for confirmation, I was momentarily caught up in the coding or something when I realized she was waiting for my response.

I turned to her but wasn’t expecting her to be  _ so close _ .  It was the most intoxication thing I had experienced in 1100 years.  Her eyes looking right into mine, then her eyes dropped to my lips and every fibre of my being wanted it.  Her head began to tilt and it took everything in me to break the sexually charged atmosphere between us, because it wasn’t right.  As much as I wanted her and by Rassilon’s robes, I really did, I couldn’t be with her if her whole mind wasn’t there. I needed my Rose back first.

_ “What, uh-where… Those files.” _  My voice came out of me filled with the obvious effect of her proximity, I had to try again.   _ “Why are they mysterious?” _  I managed to get out and her head turned back to the screen as if nothing had happened.  It was better that way.

The next few minutes my theories appeared in front of me, all the guesses proving positive.  The three files were obvious.  R ose  M arion  T yler,  J aqueline  A ndrea  S uzette  T yler and others(family presumably), and then Metacrisis.  Three files; one on on her family, one on what happened to my clone, and lastly what she probably thought had happened to herself.  I hoped. I told Fable as much;

_ “Then there’s hope.” _  But I saw the fear creep into her eyes, she was terrified.  She didn’t even realize she was backing away from me. I knew she already trusted me but she was so scared.

_ “See, I already know who I am though.  And I know one thing for sure, I would only erase my memories if there was no other option.  Only if my suffering was too great. Then I know I don’t want to remember.” _

Every step I took towards the hope that she might suddenly remember me and run into my arms, I was slapped back with the cold reality that she might not want to remember me.  My nightmare’s had become real life in the space of a few hours. The universe is a cruel cruel place. To give you everything you need, the one person you want,  _ and _ for them to now want you, not need you.  I turned away from Fable and back to the screen, I was breaking down again.  That feeling I had when I ran out of T’s office the day before creeping up on me.  It's the running instinct, when things get too sticky or tough, I run. I knew that being this close to her again would make me spiral, because I couldn’t run from her.  No matter how much I wanted to run.

So I had to fight.

So, chin held high I turned back to Fable to argue my point only to see her with her head in her hands.  I sighed, my heart hurting for her and the confusion she must be feeling. 

“I’ve spent 1100 years of my life searching for you Fable, only to finally find you and you don’t remember me.  Not only that… You don’t remember you.” I said in the most comforting voice I could muster as I sat next to her and put my arm around her.  I was relieved when she leaned into me.

“Why don’t we go to the library?”  I asked softly in her ear and I felt her nod against me.  We got up hand in hand and quickly made our way; neither of us said anything for the entire walk.  Once there we went to our usual spot where Fable curled into me on the loveseat, I sighed contentedly.  I missed her so much, even without her memory she still remembered these things. Subconsciously somewhere deep down, perhaps a reflex or muscle memory, either way it comforted me.  Her fingers started to trace patterns on my knee and thigh while I delicately played with her hair, the Raven tendrils still the most out of place component. We stayed quiet for a long while in this in this companionable silence until…

“How well did you know me, Doctor?”  Fable asked gently, without looking at me.

“Very well.  I knew your mother and your best friend from home.  You and I used to be… We were...the stuff of legend.”

“Like Shiver and Shake?”  She asked and I temporarily stopped my attention on her hair.

“What makes you say that?”  I asked,

“Dunno, just felt right.”  I smiled at that and nodded.

“That’s because you’ve said it before in this context.”  I hoped this wouldn’t freak her out too much, but she just laughed for a bit at that and turned up to look at me.

“This is ridiculous.  My whole life I’ve done lots of crazy things, but this situation is quickly approaching the top of the pile.”  I smiled at her, a genuine happy smile.

“I know the feeling.”

“I already trust you.  And I want to remember you.  So I’ll do it.” She said suddenly and all I could do was stare at her and hope that everything I felt was being conveyed through that.

“Are you sure?”  I didn’t want her to feel pressured but I needed her to know that I needed her.

“Yes.”  She said while she nodded, her eyes seemed to say how much she trusted me and I hoped mine said how grateful I was.  Fable smiled and closed her eyes, then I gently put my index fingers to her temple.


	8. Familiar Faces

_ Familiar Faces _

_ The Doctor _

It’s very difficult to describe what it’s like to enter someone’s mind.  Especially that of a potentially telepathic being. Some minds are brilliant, others simple.  Some minds express thoughts in colors, others like a filing cabinet in an office, and others like you’ve just walked into their bedroom.  

I had never entered Rose’s mind before, so there was no way of knowing for sure just by seeing her mind if this was 100%  _ my _ Rose who had created herself into Fable.  

“Anything you don’t want me to see or know, just imagine a door and shut it.  Okay?”

“Got it.” Fable said.  Then I proceeded into her mind.  At first it was just a golden haze, very welcoming but very confusing, as if I had just walked into a bubble.  I waved the golden haze out of my face as if I was swimming through a thick fog. Shortly thereafter, I found myself in the STARDIS console room.  I turned back to look at the golden haze, but what was there had disappeared. When I turned back to the console there stood Fable, her blue eyes piercing me with curiosity. 

“I can see you.”  Fable said in her head and in the physical world.  

“Yep.” I said in her head, popping the ‘p’.  

“I know it’s you, but you don’t look the same.”  Fable whispered to me.

“Oh, really?”  I said confused, but then I heard it.  

“And you don’t sound Scottish anymore.”  Fable pointed out, coming a bit closer and studying my new appearance.  

“Uhhh, no.”  I said quickly and scratched at my face, feeling the deadly appendage.  “I’m ‘Chinny’ again. How strange. Never encountered this before, but WOO! What a rush!  And no wrinkles!” I exclaimed feeling my face in an extravagant manner as I talked. Fable began laughing at me.

“You’re even weirder  _ this _ way!”  She said through the giggles.  I gave her a suave smirk and adjusted my bowtie.  

“Nah, I’m cool.”  I said and gave her some finger guns with a few ‘pew pew pews’.  

“Whatever you say bowtie.”  She quipped and winked at me.  “Is this how you picture yourself in your head or something?” She inquires, coming up to poke me in the chest.  I mouth ‘ow’ at her while brushing her hand away and then I return fire by poking her in the arm.

“Oi, no!  This is my previous face.” 

“Oh.”  She says, her eyes going wide.  “You can change your face?” She asks, as I become distracted by how the room looks just slightly different from its current model.  Then I notice out of my peripheral a glowing doorway on the other side of the time rotor.

“Not exactly.  I go through this process where I change every single cell in my body to save myself if I’m dying.  I literally become a different person.” I turn to her and flap my hands a bit with my explanation. “It’s called Regeneration.  Lots of golden light, it hurts a lot. Let’s go through this door, shall we?” I say as I cut my ramblings of biological process’ short, the original mission regaining focus.  I pass through the hazy door just as I hear Fable say,

“But, Doctor!  I think I do that too…”  My thoughts race at the potential of Fable being a full Timelord.  I barely take in my new surroundings as I whip back to look at-... her.  But it’s not quite her. The face is still the same, but the skin is pale alabaster and lightly freckled!  The hair is wavy and a rich deep red. Her eyes however, hold the most difference. They’re so brown they’re almost black and she has dark circles under her eyes that look almost purple due to the translucence of her skin.

“Dat Regenurratshun ting.  Oi tink oi maee be able tuh do tat aswell.”  Says the new Fable in a thick Irish lilt. Her eyes go wide as she hears her own voice, “Oh moi gud.  Moi accent is tis trippy ting again.” If I wasn’t so in shock I might have been laughing to hear Rose’s voice muddled to Irish.  It was absolutely.. Weird.

“Oh… this is getting interesting.”  I said as I thrust my hand into my hair and the other into my pocket.  I rocked back on my heels and took a glance down, unsurprised to see I was now wearing my brown suit with blue pinstripes.  I looked up to see her staring at her own hair in fond recognition. “It appears we’re traveling through both of our Regenerations… backwards.”  I said to myself. She glanced up just then and pointed at me, her eyes going wide.

“It’s youh!”  She exclaimed

“What?”  I asked.

“I’ve seen youh!”

“What?!”

“A fihw moments ago Oi saw tis youh licken sum blud off yerown fingur in a paiir of stroiped pajamas!  An’ now youh’re here in frunt of me in a stroiped suuit!” At this Fable clamped her hand over her mouth.  “Oh, Oi’m surry. Oi didn’t mehn to yell!”

“WHAT!”  I said and in my confusion spun around… at which point I noticed our surroundings, a planet!  We were on a planet!

“Woman Wept!”  I exclaimed, “We’re on Woman Wept!  Oh, but why, why, why, think, think!”  I said to myself and knocked my head a bit.

“Tis is moi feyvorite planet.”  Fable said quietly. Suddenly the planet changed, to show us something, it was night and I could see Fable.  She was standing at the edge of the ridge of ice, breathing deep and holding herself. Her ginger hair blowing lightly in the icy wind.  

“Oi cume here whhen Oi need tuh feel at peace.  Loike tis is moi lit’le sloice o’ forever.” I take a glance to the Fable standing to my left, the one who’s speaking, and she casts her glance up towards me.  “It’s ahs if tis is wuhn playce in tuh youhniverse dat feels juhst a lit’le less lohnely.” Her stare is intense in it’s pondering, but then her gaze drifts back to her memory self, a solemn look in her eyes, mine follow to the memory.  So we watch memory Fable as she turns away from the ridge and get’s into her STARDIS, currently a large Sugar Maple Tree in fall colors. As it fades away I see the next opening in between two pieces of ice and rock, a slight golden glow.  But I don’t go right away, my eyes are drawn back to my Fable as I reach for her hand and grab it. She smiles, a little far off thing, but still squeezes my hand back.

“Ginger and  _ polite _ , Huh?”  She nods and I smirk to myself as I walk over to the edge of the ice cliff.  “Ohhh, the irony.” I mutter. Fable giggles and squeezes my hand tighter, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the most comforting thing I’d felt in many years.

“Yuhr roight, it is.  tDidn’t youh want tuh be a Ginger?”  She asks as she stares out at the view and breathes deeply, just like memory her.  My observation grows intense after that comment, my brown eyes twinkling with hope and desperation for that something familiar.  

“How do you know that?”  I ask with wonder in my voice, she turns to me and catches my intense gaze.  I notice her sharp intake of breath and the way her eyes dart to my lips. Then how my hearts start to pound until it just  _ hurts. _

“Oi muhst be remembering youh.”  She mumbles to herself, mostly. “Docter, whhat whhere we tuh eachother?”  Her voice is inquisitive yet innocent, however she manages that, but I still freeze up. My mouth opens and closes multiple times in failed attempts to respond, I avoid her now intense stare in favor of the view of the frozen icy waves below.  I need a plan of action, and one quick eye shift towards her gives me the answer. It’s not quite the right face, it’s so close… but not right. Plan of action: Avoid, as per usual. Coward.

“Uh, well... “  I run my hand through my chaotic brown hair, a sign of stress, “Maybe we should just move on, hmm?”  This is all very… complicated and sensitive.” Fable just nods and looks back out at the view.

“Hahvin’ youh here wit me, it’s strange.  It’s loike youh’ve always behn in tis wun spot but fer tuh first toime Oi feel so aloive here.  Comfertuhd and aloive. Naht lohnely. Loike… forever isn’t so scary annie more.” I smile at her, a tiny sad smile as I watch her muse.  I make the move I’d been wanting to make the whole time and wrap my arms around her shoulders. She smiles up at me, that tongue and tooth smile.  My insides flutter up as I see into those almost black eyes. I stare into them and in the depths I can almost see little gold stars hiding just out of view.  I have to clear my throat just to tear away my eyes. We have to move on.

“Well… Allons-y!”  I say and reach back to grab her hand and pull her excitedly through the opening.  

When the misty-ness clears again I can smell apple grass and the view of New Earth spans before me.  I smile at the fond memory and the fact that this is where we are, even with her memories blocked. Fable takes in a deep breath just behind me and says,

“Apple grass!”  But I heard… I whip back to her, hopeful and see… not quite Rose once more.  But  _ boy _ does it sound like her.  She’s smiling a bright white smile, her skin is slightly tan, her hair is chestnut and shoulder length.  This time her eyes are green, green like the apple grass around us, all different shades and facets shimmering in her eyes.

“This body of mine had an  _ obsession _ with apples.”  She smirks and reaches into the pocket of her long grey peacoat to produce an apple which she tosses to me.  I give a big laugh.

“Better than pears!  I hate pears!” I say with disgust, as I smell the green apple and bring it up to my lips for a juicy bite.  I moan in satisfaction and she laughs, it sounds so much like my Rose it hurts again, but the more I think about it the more I realize… it’s actually comforting.  The feeling of being in her light is unfamiliar to me now, I had only experienced it in dreams for so many years and those always ended. Perhaps the pain was just a response to make sure my hope stayed down just in case I did… wake up.

Fable produces another apple then gestures it at me, 

“How come you didn’t change this time?”  She inquires, then takes a bite from her golden apple.

“Oh…”  I say around a mouthful before swallowing, “Well… I was rather fond of this face, I quite liked it.”  I say and shrug. She smirks at me, a different kind of smirk, one that has me beginning to feel different things.

“It is a very foxy body.”  She says calmly, then takes another bite and looks around.  Oh, that was  _ very _ purposeful.  That, that was  _ flirting _ .  She’s flirting!  With me? Me! How-? I have to take deep breaths to regain control of my brain and body.  Time to change the subject. 

“Why apples?”  I ask and drop the core in my pocket.  She glances at me and I can tell she feels guilty for some indiscernible reason.  

“You know the old saying…”  She drifts off, locking her eyes with the ground.  “An apple a day keeps the…” She trails off and I know why now.

“Yep, I know.  Well, next mind portal then?”  I say, trying to put away the underlying hurt and keep the mood light.  Probably just a subconscious thing, for some reason. 

We look around in silence, the tension rising the longer it stretches on.  Neither of us are over the awkward situation from a few moments ago, that much is clear.  We keep searching, but I have a feeling we won’t be finding anything with her this closed off to me currently, probably feeling defensive.  Like a caged animal.

“I can’t find anything.”  I hear her call with annoyance coating her voice.  

“Nor can I.”  I respond and stroll over to where she stands, hands in my coat.

“Why can’t we find it?”

“You might not be ready to move on yet.”

“What?”  She questions me, I look back at her sadly.  

“Fable, we’re inside of your mind, your memories, your thoughts… remember?”  I tell her gently and reach up to touch her face. “You might be trying to protect yourself.  Do you have another Regeneration before this one?” her eyes go wide and she takes my hand off of her face to hold it gently.

“Oh.”  She quips, but it’s so quiet I barely hear her.

“What is it Fable?”  I squeeze her hand. She sits down suddenly and pulls me with her.  The smell of apple grass surrounds us as we land softly.

“I don’t want to be her again.”  She whispers quietly and puts her head in her hands.  “She was so sad, and angry, and lonely. God! Everything hurt!  I was so lost, I- I- didn’t want to live. I was locked out of the STARDIS...”  Her green eyes were searching mine for understanding and maybe even for an answer.  I just nod, completely understanding.

“I know the feeling all too well.”  I reach over and stroke her back where upon she falls into me.  “But we have to move on, we have to find her because we need to find out what you’re hiding from yourself.”  I wrap my arms around her and she grabs onto my arms with a death grip. Her breath is coming shakily and her eyes are squeezed shut. 

“When you convinced me to do this- I just thought you might rifle through some memories until you found a locked door or something.  Then you would just unlock it and I would be free! Not this. This is moving backwards. Not forwards!” At some point tears had started to fall freely from her.  I held her close and rocked her slowly, pressing my face into her temple and kissing her gently. The smell of her hair is so almost familiar, and the way she feels in my arms.  I lean into her ear.

 “Fable, breathe.  Come on now. You can do this, I know it.  You’re so strong and brave and so beautiful no matter what you look like.”  Then I kiss just above her ear as her grip finally relaxes a bit on me. She looks up to see me and our faces are so close it's purely intoxicating.  I feel like an idiot when I finally realize that she has never been _almost Rose_ she  is Rose.  Even with different features and a different name, Fable is Rose, Rose is Fable.  Every single feeling I’ve been chastising myself for was unfair, to both of us. Just because I remember more than she does, it didn’t matter.

“How can you be so sure, you’ve only just met me.”  She tells me, her inflection downward, the belief in herself just not there.  But she still searches my eyes, hope playing behind the larger emotion. My hand goes up to her cheek and soothes her.

“So?  I could meet you for the first time in a thousand different lives and still know exactly who you are, because If I believe in one thing, just one, I believe in  _ you. _ ”  Her hand comes up over mine and single tear slides down her cheek.  Then her other hand goes to my cheek and I lean into it. My hearts are hammering nearly out of my chest.  We haven’t been this way with each other in so long, where anything could happen in the space of a second that would alter our relationship forever.  Our own little balancing game of being right at the tipping point without going over. I feel her thumb graze my cheek and slide down to my chin. I smile slightly at her, comfortingly I hope.

“You love me.”  And just like the previous statement, she doesn’t ask it.  It’s not a questions but my mouth still falls open in disbelief, trying to answer but unsure of what to say, so nothing comes out.

“It’s okay.  It doesn’t need saying.”  She smiles and leans into me.  My breathing completely stops as I feel her lips press gently into my cheek.  A tender, lingering moment full of understanding. I feel my eyes prickle a bit as she pulls away completely and after that stands.  She was right, I didn’t need to say it now, but I would soon.  _ Very soon. _  If I didn’t I just might be the first Timelord in history to spontaneously combust.  I take a moment to myself then I scramble to my feet after her.

“I’m ready.”  She says with a nod and glow shines up from the river beside us.  We turn to it, taking a few steps nearer to observe it up close, then we look back at each other and grab hands.  “You’ll stay with me, ya?” 

“Of course.  But I’ll probably change too this time.”  She nods and grabs my hand.

“I’m gonna miss this you.  I almost.. Don’t want you to go.”  I give her a sardonic smile, then she jumps and pulls me with her.

At first I can only feel the water surround me and start to pull us apart but I can still feel her hand as the sensation changes.  Then there’s no more water and suddenly I don’t feel her hand anymore, but I’m still being tossed about. I don’t even see the haze, there’s too much spinning and tumbling.  And just like that, it’s over and I feel the sensation of being tossed through the air, the familiar pull of gravity bringing me down. I hit the rocky ground hard, still rolling.  I groan, surprised at the pain I can feel despite this being a walk through someone else’s mind. A very powerful someone else, I realize with full force. My eyes open to see a staggering drop off a cliff, one more roll and I would’ve fallen all the way down.  Despite the darkness I see the few large, sharp, rocks below then the expanse of beach and ocean. There is a sharp wet chill in the air as the waves crash gently in and out.

Norway.

I can feel the pain of this place like a metallic tang in my mouth.  I scramble back from the edge and carefully onto my feet, dusting off my leather of the gravel it had picked up from my not so graceful tumble.  My steel blue eyes scan the horizon and surrounding formations but I don’t see anything, or anyone rather. No other person.

Fable was nowhere.


	9. Falling Farther

_ Falling Farther _

_ Doctor _

 

My head whips side to side, but I can't see a trace of any life anywhere. 

“Fable!” I call, unsure what to do or think.  Despite being inside of her mind I can't hear a single thought.  It is disconcerting. A moment ago we were holding hands, then the current of the river was making us tumble about and I- I lost her. 

How did I lose her in her own mind? My mind goes to the sonic within the confines of my leather, wondering if maybe I could scan for lifeforms inside of a mind … But the technology would probably be confused since we are surrounded by a life form.  Technically speaking at least, though that didn’t appear that way at the moment.

“Fable!”  I call again but there is still no response besides the soft whistling of the wind passing by my huge ears. I rub my eyes with my hand and look more carefully over the landscape. The rocks and sand. The cold and dark. No trees, therefore no STARDIS.  I rub my hands over my face again and when I uncover them I am standing on the beach next to the ocean, hundreds of metres from my last location. My head turns round at the sudden teleportation, but I accept the fact quickly. The wind is more biting down here, and there is a slight spray from the sea.  I could see the cliff above me, the jagged rocks, then I see it. A cave. With a pair of eyes staring out at me. 

“Fable!”  I shout and wave to the figure but they step back out of sight. Maybe it wasn't her. But no way to know until … I close my eyes in concentration and when I open them again I am just outside the opening to the cave. I smile to myself for a moment before stepping into the cave.  

“Hello? Fable? Anyone?”  The sound of my voice sinks into the pitch black of the cavern.  Only the darkness answers back, almost darkening in response. A feeling of dread starts to cover me, sinking further into my skin with each step. 

Then a screaming groan breaks out from deeper in the cave.  At the same time a golden glow floods part of the cave showing me the turn that was, consequently, hiding the source of the light.  I freeze unsure if I can handle what is around the corner. 

“Hello?”  Came my slightly nervous northern accent. 

“You need to leave.”  Growls the deep female voice from around the corner. “It's n-not safe.” She squeezes out, clearly struggling.  Then I can hear her panting and another groan escapes. I step around the corner and see her. 

Glowing yellow eyes like an animal and hands with floating, glowing energy allow me to see her dark features. The curly dark brown hair, a large mass of it piled atop her head. The occasional grey that shifts in and out of the glowing gold leads me to believe her eyes are grey, like cold steel.  Why does that seem so familiar? She is staring at me with her face paling, eyes sinking further in. 

“No. It's not really you. I'm not playing this game anymore.”  She covers her eyes by rubbing them. Her voice is only a few steps lower than normal but for the first time she seems the most-

“Rose?”

“No, no, no! When I open my eyes you better be gone or I'll have to blast to you again.”  She’s shaking, her palms pressing further into her eyes. Her voice is watery like she's crying. “Please, please just be gone. I know you're just an illusion but I can't- I can't- I-”  She stops and wraps herself into a ball, rocking a bit. My heart breaks . I'm stumped on what I can do to convince her that it's really me, that this is isn't actually happening anymore. At least not in the real world.  And for some reason saying ‘ _ this is all in your head’  _ doesn’t seem like it will be helpful.  She might just double blast me for insinuating that she’s crazy without me even intending that.

“You don't have to just yet, do you?”  I ask tentatively, “Can I tell you a story first?”  Silence follows my question but Rose stops rocking. Her head slowly tilts up and she sees me again, fear plain as day. I don't notice, at first, but I have knelt down to be closer to her level. As if my body knows what to do concerning Rose better than my own mind.  I believe that must be called instinct. The gold in her eyes recedes just a bit and she looks at me in confusion. Another tear slips out of her eye and yet… she nods. I sigh in relief. 

“There was once a lonely old man who didn't dare to want for anything in the whole Cosmos. Because anytime he had something, he would ruin it. So he stayed lonely, just like a lone wolf in the forest. But you see, he wasn't a wolf he was only a man. A man who had desires, so when a beautiful flower was thrust into his hands , he wanted to protect it. But the pull was too strong and the old man too selfish. So instead of just leaving the flower alone in her simple garden life, as he should have, he brought the flower with him everywhere.  But because he was a selfish, lonely old man he couldn't even admit the real reason he needed his special flower more so than any other that has come into his life.

“So he pretended the flower has thorns, even though it did not. The foolish old man said he was trying to protect the flower, that he wouldn't ruin it like he did with every other thing. So he never got too close.  He just kept her in his shirt pocket, he never picked her up, he never smelled her sweet scent, he just gave her her space. Because he thought this would protect her. The truth being that he was protecting himself. He was scared to lose the flower even though he knew the flower would eventually wilt and die anyway. Leaving him alone again. 

“So he wasn't surprised when he lost the flower. He thought he would never see her again. Even though he did, but it was too late for him to relive the joy she brought into his life. So he put her safely into a glass case, with a little ribbon tied around her stem. So she would always have a piece of him. Then the years went by and the ribbon dropped off. The old man never noticed this because the old man was still a fool.  

“He missed the flower,  _ his _ flower every day. He hoped she was happy, he hoped she was safe. But he had no way of knowing. Until one day he finally broke the glass case and went searching for his flower. He just needed to make sure she was okay. But something he didn't realize even back when he was traveling with his flower, was that she wasn't okay.  Not for Rose at least. You see prolonged exposure to the man had turned the flower into a wolf. Not without a bit of magic somewhere along the line of course. 

“The lonely old man was ashamed to admit he had missed something so huge! She had never been so frail and wilting as he had assumed.  She was the Big Bad Wolf. Something out of Fable’s, capable of defending herself and others. She was a wolf to match his own lone, wandering wolf.”  I finally paused my story, looking at her endearingly; her mouth had gone slack. She is breathing shallow breaths, eyes just barely glittering with gold. She looks away from me and wipes away the tears tracks on her face. 

“That's not how the story goes.” She says gloomily and looks back at me, a mean look in her grey eyes. 

“No?” I ask her, a hint of humor mixing with sympathy. 

“No.”  She says with finality. “The man never broke into the glass dome, the wolf stayed alone. Being tortured with the memories of the past as the full transformation overtook her everything.”  Her eyes bore into mine, waiting for my response, it seemed but instead…

“How does the story end in your world?” She asks. I smile a bit. 

“The Fable isn't over yet. We're living in it right now. The lonely old man entered the mind of the Fabold Woman, to find the true self she had hidden away.  The Bad Wolf. But it wasn't just the truth of the Bad Wolf she had hidden away, she had hidden away the Rose too.” I pause for second, reaching out and grabbing her hand. “The most important part.  The most beautiful. Her heart.” She doesn't really hold my hand back, she is limp, fingers dangling loosely in my big palm. 

“Rose. I'm real. I'm really here. Come back to me, please.” I say, knowing how my desperate steel blue eyes are carving into hers. The cave air closing in on me.  

“You're real?”  She asks and squeezes my hand a little bit. As she squeezes even tighter, “You are  _ real _ ?!” She gasps and puts her other hand over her mouth. “Oh- OH my god!  I remember! I remember..” Her eyes dash side to side with unreadable emotions, before they settle back on me. “But–you! Look at you! You're all hard and northern again. This can't be you, I lost you a long time ago.”  Her eyes lose more gold the further she speaks, her hand fits snugly in with mine. 

“What? This daft old thing? No. This me has been gone for a long time. I'm three faces further than this now.” I give her a little smile, scooting a little closer. “Your mind chose this face, remember? I've been going backwards with you this whole time, visiting all our old faces.”  I reach for her arm and she's just looking at me with awe as I touch her arm and rub it gently.

“This isn't real, Rose. We are just in your mind. In the real world we’re in the library of your STARDIS. My fingers are pressed to your temples and I've got this old Scottish face, even more daft than this one.”  I say jokingly my silly smile breaking onto my face. My hearts swell with joy at her responding one, it pounds against my rib cage with assurances at my success. I’m doing the right thing, right? When pearly white teeth break out of dark lips I don’t question myself anymore.

“Doctor?” A smirk plays on her lips.

“Yes.” I say looking at her hopefully. 

“ _ My  _ Doctor?” The fear creeps into her eyes and the lump comes into my throat just looking into that fear.  It’s bottomless for a moment, even though one corner of her lips are turned up. It makes me wonder in terrible fascination what has made that fear so deep and vast.  And even though we’re in her mind, no answer presents itself. It makes me realize there’s still more yet to go, so we can’t take any steps backward now. Which means my own truth is as important as finding hers.  All of this occurs to me in the space of a millisecond. I have to swallow over the lump in my throat, my own fear, before I can answer.

“Always.” I say nodding my head yes.  “ Even when I was in denial, even after I lost you, even when I- I gave you away. I've been yours since I grabbed your hand that first time.  Since that first word… And as painfully ironic as it is… I’ve been running from that fact ever since. But I won’t anymore. I promise you that, my Rose.”  She doesn't respond but I see the teardrop from her eye, tracing its glossy path down her features.

Then she's in my arms sobbing a bit; her arms wrap my neck in near strangulation, but thanks to my superior biology it doesn’t matter.  It especially doesn’t matter since I was already short of breath. I reciprocate immediately my hands circling her, rubbing her back a bit to calm her. At the same time though my hearts are hammering so hard.  Pain swirling for the woman who went through so much without me, and joy at holding her again. The woman who  _ remembers _ me.  Remembers how  _ we _ used to be together.

“D-Doctor? What's happened to me?”  I hold her tight and press a kiss into her hair. 

“Rose, you already know what happened to you.”  At this she shakes her head and pulls away, but she’s still holding my arms.  As if breaking contact will break her newfound clarity… or confusion as it appears. I look at her equally confused. A small, sad smile creeps onto her face. 

“Let's get out of this cave, yeah?”  Then she gets up and walks away from me so I have to catch up to her.  She stops at the mouth of the cave and her arms come up to wrap around herself.  She shivers and I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her. For a moment Rose is stiff before she relaxes into me. 

“This is weird.” Rose mumbles, “This body of yours hasn't held me in hundreds and hundreds of years.” I chuckle at this. 

“I haven't even been in this body in all that time. The last time I was in this body was the first time I kissed you.”  I remind her and hug her bit more tightly. 

“Yes, I remember that now.”  She pauses and steps away from me to the edge of the cliff. “What I don't know is when I remembered that...or how.”  Then she turns to me with a weary look in her eyes. “I think we have one more patch of golden light to look for.” I nod understandingly, reaching out for her hand. She grabs my hand tentatively, the expanse of beach next to us, just past the staggering drop of misshapen grey cliffs that is.

“Oh.” She says, dread taking over her body. I squeeze her hand and she looks back to me, beginning to shake her head no.  Her hands snap out of mine and she crouches down into a ball. Her breathing is raspy as she descends into a panic. I drop to my knees in front of her. “Hey, Rose! Hey, it's okay.  Look at me.” I say comfortingly until I finally reach out to her, placing my hand on her cheek, with her scared grey eyes looking into mine. My thumb gently caresses her cheek and she calms slightly. “Just keep looking at me okay? Just hold my hand and keep looking at me. Remember this daft old face? I'm sure you missed it from time to time. So just keep looking at it, because this might be the last time you see it.”  Her eyes water slightly and she touches the hand I have on her cheek. She grabs it, gently pulling it down, then leans into me gently placing a kiss on my cheek. Then she leans back slowly and with our faces apart-

“Let's fall a bit further, shall we?”She says in a breathy voice that leaves my inside spinning. 

“I don't think I could stop if I wanted to.”  I smile at her and with that I glance over the edge and see the gold sparkles about twenty feet down.  I look back at her as we stand up in sync and take a step closer, at the very tip now. I look into those grey eyes of hers, so like my own in this incarnation and we both take one step over the edge and fall…


	10. Fragile Feelings

Fragile Feelings

_ Rose _

 

Rarely does one have the opportunity to describe what it’s like to come back to life.  Nor do they usually have multiple experiences to draw on to explain with. And even though I do, this was unlike any of the four times I have, this was a sensation unlike anything else.  Although, at least, the pain was similar. Just my luck. But that was really the only similarity. Instead of the usual golden explosive glow of gold, this was just a sheen of white gold, more a light than a sparkle.  And it only exploded in my mind for one blinding moment. And then it was like I could remember everything and nothing all at once. 

In the reign of pain that followed the golden white explosion, somewhere in the real world my physical body reached out and to grab something to steady myself.  I grabbed something solid and a bit squishy and it calmed me momentarily. Then it was like I was thrust into something entirely new. 

I landed face down as if I had just tripped, into something smelling of dried leaves but also a bit like… lemon? Something citrus.  I moved my hands about and realized I was able to grasp onto what I was smelling. Tons of tiny individual paper like things… I could feel them against my face! They were long and smooth and… GRASS it was grass! My eyes fluttered open slowly and I saw red all around me.  A bright crimson, 1 ½ meter tall grass was surrounding me. I started to push myself up to my knees. 

My memories were still very wibbly in my head, things were still trying to really themselves into the proper place.  Did I meet the Ood on an Impossible planet or go to my Secondary School ball first?? Well the second one was rather odd… so easy confusion? What color are my eyes? Or my hair? What does my face look like? Trivial things, I guess.  I could remember later. Not important now, but something was pressing right now. Something was happening… it was right on the top of tongue.. Oh what was it! Oh wait, someone is making that weird noise? That language confusion noise? Oh talking! Speaking! Conversing! How funny, beings were so funny when they did that! 

That was when I realized.. He was directing it at me. Someone calling to me, not with a name or anything, like an address, informal, and not understandable? … he sounded young, and very near. As in right behind me just a breath away if I would only turn my head.  I could feel immediately who it was but my mind was still adjusting, the words not quite translating yet. I could see a burnt orange sky above me and two shadows of my own casting on the ground, suspectedly from two twin suns blazing high in the sky behind me. I knew where I was.  I could remember hearing about it in detail. It filled me with an incomparable sadness, and yet wonder, at seeing something I never dreamed I would ever be able to.

_ Gallifrey. _

Of course! If I'm on Gallifrey that must mean… must mean.. He…

Stupid, stupid, slow ape head! WOW. Ape? Yes Ape.  I'm human. Why am I human? It's been awhile since I took  _ that _ form for a spin. Since I was…

_ Rose Tyler.  _ Rose  _ Marion  _ Tyler.  I'm  _ me _ again! Hahaha! 

**_POV Shift_ **

Remember things was a pleasure… but there were still gaps. Fragments of time that weren't quite in the right place.  She could see them  _ all _ though. They were all there. Who had gone and messed with this complicated puzzle? She remembered the voice and whipped toward it.  The voice belonged to a young man kneeling in the grass with her. He had slicked back, brown chesnut-y hair and bright blue piercing eyes.  His brow bone was pronounced but fit his face well, giving him a constant disgruntled look. And the confused frown on his face certainly didn't help the future grumpy grandpa look.  He was still speaking at her but she couldn't find it in her to understand him. Her brain felt so slow… She hadn't felt this way since she was…. 

No, that was impossible.  She  _ knew _ she wasn’t human anymore.  Didn't she just go over this on her head a moment ago? This was crazy, surely.  But for some reason she felt that way, the slowness, the delayed reactions, the...imminent mortality.  It felt pure, and good… But she knew it was wrong, and that’s how she knew none of this was real. So she frowned slightly before speaking to the young man.

“Sorry mate, I don't currently speak Gallifreyan or whatever.”   She smiled at him, almost embarrassed at her lack of knowledge, and her heart fluttered when he smiled back. 

“Oh, my apologies miss.  But, you can't be here. There aren't any humans allowed on Gallifrey.  So...How did you get here?” He was looking at her with wide eyes of wonder, and something else that was so powerful she could feel it coming off of him in waves.  The urge to run, explore, to know all the possibilities of the universe crashing over her with their certainty and frothing with excitement. He was also definitely staring at her.  Openly studying her with a slight look of awe. She gave him a curious look, perhaps he hadn't yet realized that none of this was real? Or maybe she was wrong, and it was true. But something inside her screams that this was impossible, from the appearance of the man before her to the feeling the planet around her gave off.  Suddenly he realized what he was doing, staring rudely at the pretty young woman was not a good way to make first impressions. He turned away blushing slightly, thinking of how he might be able to do just that… But not rudely. 

“I-I-... You're human, aren't you?  I haven't met many humans. Except a few memories I have of my mother. But it's just…” he looked down, still flustered, but then gathered the confidence, to look back up directly into her eyes. “Are all of you like this?” He asked softly a hand reaching up toward her face but not quite reaching it. Rose was enraptured by him, and by this simple moment between breaths.  She sucked in everything about him. The way his voice put specific inflections in weird places like he had just learned English, but also wanted to seem like it was old hat. How his face was so expressive, and you could see the devious want to escape this world lingering in the twinkle of his eye. She was drawn to responding like a call and answer game. As if she would have ever thought of ignoring him, it just didn’t seem possible.

“Like what?” Rose asked in response, looking deep into those eyes that had permanently captured her heart, no matter what color they were or what face they sat in.  They were still him. Even if she couldn't think of exactly who he was off the top of her head. It didn't matter right now.

“Beautiful.” He said in a release of breath, almost a whisper.  He didn't say it like a question, and it stole her breath away. She smiled her famous tongue in teeth smile and he smiled back again. “You are so beautiful.”  Suddenly she couldn't hold back, he had been drawing her in with every word, every breath, and she was just the moth to his flame. However, she realized as more of an afterthought, that she hadn't been the only one in motion.  Their lips crashed together with a sudden passion but also tenderness like they had always wanted. It wasn’t to save one of them from dying, and it wasn’t because of them was possessed. Their minds merged for a mere moment and everything became clear.  Who they were to each other, and also that none of this was  _ really  _ real.  Except to them.  The kiss carried on, perhaps only a moment, perhaps it was hours.  There was no concept of time in this created Gallifrey, only the two of them.  Together they soaked in every little thing they could possibly gather about this moment and each other.  Until they both knew it was time to speak again and regain clarity. When they broke apart there was tears brimming in her eyes. 

“Rose.” His voice was all breathy, how could he have ever forgotten this fact?  Her  _ name _ was everything to him, it was everything he had cherished and dreaded for thousands of years.  “ _ My  _ Rose Tyler?” At this point his eyes looked a bit watery.  She just smiled back at him. Hands holding the face she had just been kissing, with his hands still on her neck. She could only let herself answer with a nod, fearing that if she spoke her voice would break or the wetness in her eyes would push through.  His answering smile was so huge, he couldn't help himself. He jumped on her, pushing her back into the grass as their lips crashed together again. He cradled her head as they went back and landed lightly on top of her. Everything he felt for her swelling through their connection and she answered back just as ferociously.  Again it was as if time stopped for them to just relax into a sort of momentary delight. They would laugh a bit, or smile slightly and the other would laugh as a result and they would break for only a moment. Then they were back to searching, learning, and bathing in the joy that began and ended in the others lips, and tongue, and mouth.  When they broke to breathe she was looking up at someone who she felt she'd known her whole life. 

“Theta.” She said back and he smiled hugely again, happy she just seemed to know every part of him.  They both felt so light, as if all the pain of the last two thousand years had disappeared. But,  _ god _ , it had been so long for both of them.  Especially her. Sure, they had both loved others, but not ever quite like they loved each other. And this was just what they needed for this moment.  No complications, just them in a moment that was as ingrained in the stars as was the start and end of the universe. 

But it wasn't meant to last, they were, after all, in a fantasy of mental concoctions.  A subconscious wish brought to a semi-reality. They both felt as if they had had this  _ exact _ dream a million times before.  But this time the colors were brighter, the sensations more intense, and the one thing  _ for sure _ , the emotions were real.  

His hand ran down her back, pulling her closer to him as her hands slid into his hair, destroying its original placement.  They were knotted together. Lost in the taste of one another once again.

Until a bump in reality severed Fable’s connection with the Doctor’s head, and vice versa for him.  Reality felt so distinctly  _ real _ at that moment.  As if all time and space had come back into the focal point, even though neither had realized it was absent.  They were so focused on the other that everything else had dropped away. An old man with a frighteningly grumpy brow line, and an older woman with jet black hair.  Green eyes staring into piercing, bright blue, both breathing heavily, sitting less than a foot apart on a worn couch. One looking shocked, one dared to look hopeful, but they both looked so so scared.  So neither spoke. Though both wanted to, and wished the other would start first. 

So the silence stretched on. The Doctor wondered if Fable remembered being Rose; rather he really hoped she did.  He just wanted to jump forward and resume what they had been doing telepathically. Rose didn't… or was it  _ Fable _ didn't? She wasn't sure anymore.  Was she just one person, or had she actually become two as the result of her drastic actions.  Also there was so much time between them. She was sure the Doctor was older too, she could see it etched into every cone of his irises.   She could see it in the way his timeline occasionally streaked across her vision like a lightning strike, though she tried not to look. 

But she was a very different person.  She didn't know if he could accept the woman she had become, and a part of her just wanted to run in anticipation of the way his face would contort in disgust when she told him of the things she'd done.  Certainly, there was a chance he would understand the civilizations she had destroyed and the species lost. That much he had a first hand experience in as well… but who’s to say how he would react to knowing she had been the cause of another universe’s collapse.  That she had destroyed another realms prime deity, and therefore, sent that realm into an eternal war. How would he feel to know that she had really, truly loved someone else… Even if that someone was a whole universe away and dead. How would he feel to know she missed her late husband. As much as she had missed the Doctor, even.  Maybe more considering the life they had shared together… but she didn't want to think of all that now. 

Here in front of her sat a man she had loved so deeply she was willing to destroy dimensions and rip holes in reality to be with him again.  A love so powerful she had to forget herself to move on. She has destroyed herself for this man before, and that wasn't okay. But it wasn't his fault either.  It was all her own fault, really. But could she do that again? 

Oh god, she didn't know.  Suddenly a noise-

“Aaah-... Are you-” It was  _ his _ voice.  Barely above a whisper, and it was cracking funny.  

“Am I?” She responded without missing a beat.  She felt steady despite the internal earthquake.  Her voice was soft, but it didn't crack. He was still gaping, watching her face for a sign of anything, but she didn't fold.  Her expression had long ago fell away from shock and fear to a blank mask, a step above indifference. Because she  _ did _ care about him, so deeply. 

“Can you… uh- .. Remember me now?” His hand twitched slightly at the end of his question, and she could tell he desperately wanted to hold her hand.  But she couldn't just-

“Yes.” She said with a single, curt nod.  His eyes bulged a bit with the impatience of waiting for her to say something, or anything more.  What could she say? Anything really, probably. “I remember every bit of my existence now. Not a stone out of place on the paths of my cobblestones...” She tried a little smile at the end but knew between her tone, her weird phrase, and her face's unwillingness to communicate any extreme emotion... it had probably been more of a grimace. 

She did love him, she always would; but that didn't mean she would always be  _ in _ love with him.  It was a fine line, one she didn't know how to approach any more.  He had changed, twice since she had seen him. He was more than double the age he had been when they met.  Never mind her being almost 87 times older. 

“You've gotten older.” She said gently, though she knew it probably came off blunt.  And was most definitely avoiding the large purple elephant in the room. He smirked a little bit.  

“You can talk.” He said lightly back, but suddenly there was a lump in her throat and her eyes were welling again, damn it. The elephant was impatient, and pressing on her emotions with the volume of importance he represented. Stupid elephant.

“Yeah I can.  Same as you now.” She said a bit grimly, because she never wanted to be like him.  She wanted to love him, support him, but become him? No. So she didn't understand how it happened that she  _ was _ .  She supposed she was old like him so the similarities just added up in spades. 

Time just made a certain type of person.  The more of it you had, the more you were like them.  Weathered, experienced, with a bitter wisdom, and miles upon miles of horrible choices to weigh on your shoulders.  This was especially true of those that had a sort of immortality they never  _ really  _ wanted.  

“I never wanted that for you.” He said, as if echoing her own thoughts, and he started to reach for her but thought better of it.  She was thankful he stopped because she wasn’t sure at this point how she would react to his touch. Would she lean in? Or jump away?  Maybe she wouldn’t react at all. “I wish I could have been there.”

“Me too.” She said softly, and she could see his eyes twinkling with hope again.  It made her want to hug him, and be the reassuring force he needed.  _ Just hug him!! _ Something inside her screamed at her, but she didn't move.  It had been a loaded answer, really. She wished he was there so that none of the things that happened to her would ever have happened at all.  She sometimes wished he never would have stranded her back on this side of the wall with his twin. Now, the word ‘sometimes’ was the lie in that thought.  Even if that was so long ago it ached to remember it, a thousand and one things could have been prevented if he hadn’t made that choice of walking away without really saying goodbye.  It was in this moment that she missed Dean most of all, because if it were him on the other side of the couch he would have yelled, or gotten up, or just anything because he couldn't stand silence between them.  But the Doctor was an entirely different creature, with an entirely different brain, and a new personality she had never even encountered before. 

She watched him try to swallow past something in this throat, then he opened his mouth as if to speak but only a small croak and some air came out.  He closed his mouth and looked away from her.. And her heart clenched for him, he was  _ so _ scared of this moment, and she did  _ still _ care for him; deeply.  Part of the wall that was formed around her heart cracked and she reached up to lightly touch his face. 

He didn't see it coming and his whole body went stiff for a moment, but his eyes closed as he let her fingers dance lightly over his creased face.  She studied the features intently, memorizing the new twists and turns, then she wanted to see his eyes again, so she brushed her thumb over the eyelid lightly and he opened them.  Her hand dropped to rest lightly on her knee. 

“How are you here?” She breathed out, and then paused before “WHY are you here?” She added, with a slight gesture to the side.  He smirked a bit and looked down for a moment, before meeting her eyes again. Now he looked ready to talk, like this was an answer he had off the top of his head.  His words flowed like a dirge, with a light descant of hope sprinkled on top. 

“I never could give up on you.  1100 years, and I never could. My eleventh self had to find a way to not think about you all the time.. Where you were, how you were, if you were happy with my metacrisis, anything.  So I installed a new setting on the sonic” at this he pulled out his new, fancy one, that looked more like a weird power crystal than a screwdriver to her, “-it was something set to scan the universe for any tiny little fissure between our world's.  Wherever I was in time or space it was scanning, it was made to keep scanning forever. Basically. So even when I changed the exterior of it, I always kept this one program running. I knew the possibility was extremely low. But i just needed to have the knowledge that i was doing something.  Because I could never give up. And I tried to let you go, I tried to move on, I really did. But I never quite could-” he stopped himself, but she nodded for him to go on, because this was the why. And she needed to know why, and maybe  _ if _ ..

“But I never quite could… love anyone in the way that I felt for you.” Her heart swelled and her eyes pricked as she sucked in a big breath, like a gasp.  Of course she knew, John had said as much, but to hear him say that word… she couldn't explain it, she was still so mixed up inside. This was the man who had walked away from her saying things only his twin had ever said were true.  But it still felt good to hear it, that much she knew. She smirked a bit as some words came to mind, an old poem in fact. From another universe, and as she began to speak it her voice carried herself closer to him. She didn’t know if she was explaining something to him, or just biding time.  She didn’t know, but the words flowed out slow and careful like honey.

“One of the ancient maps of the world

Is heart-shaped, carefully drawn

And once washed with bright colors,

Though the colors have faded

As you might expect feelings to fade

From a fragile old heart, the brown map

Of a life.  But feeling is indelible,

And longing infinite, a starburst compass

Pointing in all the directions

Two lovers might go, a fresh breeze

Swelling their sails, the future uncharted,

Still far from the edge

Where the sea pours into the stars.”

She paused and really took in awe struck look the Doctor wore on his face.  And the confusion swirling in his eyes… It dawned on her that suddenly quoting a poem when she had barely said anything was a bit strange… but it wasn't the strangeness he seemed to mind.   They both knew he was equally as strange if anything. He didn't know how to interpret her words. Perhaps he was surprised he had never heard that poem before. 

“It’s from another universe.” She supplied, and he nodded in response.  She didn't tell him that her husband had used that very poem to propose to her.  Dean had known about the Doctor, so at the time he had used it to acknowledge that it was okay to still love the Doctor, but also love him.  He had just wanted her to be happy, and she had been so  _ so _ happy with him.  But now the poem was being re-delivered with a new taste to it and with a new interpretation.  That’s how art worked. Someone could have the same painting be their favorite one for their whole life, but have it mean different things to them as their life progressed and changed.  Someone could look at Starry Night by Van Gogh when they were young, life just beginning, a new career ahead, and see all the wonders Gogh seems to capture with the simple blending strokes, and how light radiates across the universe.  The same person could look at the same painting 30 years later and realize how life is more of a blend of the same and similar things, rather than this bright shining thing. Still beautiful, but explicitly simple in a way only Vincent could portray.  She looked down at her fingers she'd been fiddling with and back up at him. It was time.

“Doctor,” she started, and his name came out like a relief, which was not her intent, but it was true to her feelings about delving in and out of this whole thing with him. “I know it's been a long time for both of us, but it's been 2 millenia for me.  I had to go out and live thinking I’d never get back, or you'd never come. And now-” She paused and sucked air in through her teeth and sat up a bit straighter. “I'm not the same person I used to be, in fact I made a point of forgetting who I really was about twelve hundred years ago.” She paused again and  couldn't take it anymore, she reached forward and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly in hers. Somehow it still fit just as perfectly as it once had, and it took her a moment to regain her bearings before continuing. He grabbed her like a lifeline, and maybe she was that to him. 

“I still care about you deeply, but I-” she paused choking on the words toward the end.  How was she going to end that sentence?  _ I don't think I'm in love with you anymore? I don't know how I feel anymore? I don't know how to love you anymore? I just don't know? _

“I need time… to figure me out.  I haven't been-...  _ Rose Tyler _ … in over a millennia.  And I don't know if we  _ think _ the same anymore.  Fable and Rose, I just… I don't know.” So she dropped his hand lightly, setting it back on his leg, and leaned up on her knees to gently kiss his forehead. She savoured the feeling for a few seconds, a poor woman’s indulgence, before pulling away. His mouth was set in a firm line, and if she were honest with him, she wanted to kiss away all the pained lines etched on his face.  But she didn't have the strength. So instead, with all the collectiveness she could possibly muster, she stood up, and walked out of the room, pausing at the doorway to look back at him, the Doctor. Sitting inside her STARDIS. He looked a bit lost still and she knew that was only partially her fault. A man floating without a tether in the wrong universe. Probably felt like being a bit tipsy to a Time Lord. 

“Are you gonna be okay for now?” She said, her palm pressed against the doorway, inches from escape.  He looked up at her and gave her a sad smirk. 

“I figure you should know, take as much time as you need but… I’ve got just less than 3 weeks to make my return trip or the gap I found closes and I'll be trapped on this side.”  He paused, and shook his head a bit “I’ve only been here two days. This is the third. I figure just to be safe I've only got fifteen more.” He paused again, considering his palms, and then stood. 

“Time Machine, Doctor.  You’re standing in a Time Machine.” She said with a funny little smile.  “Remember, Bigger on the inside, all of time and space, blah blah.” He gave her this smirk and shook his head, thinking to himself how that used to be his job.  To remind his companions that they need not worry about being back for their school, or mum, or wedding in the morning when you were inside a time machine. Rose moved to leave again but as she glanced back she stopped at the look on his face.

The way he leveled her gaze sent chills down her spine, the confused and unsure man was gone, and a profound confidence was in its place.  “I'm not who I used to be either, I've done things. Things I’m still desperately trying to make right. But if there's one thing I know for sure, it’s that you shouldn't hold it in.  So when you're willing to share, I'm here. I'm probably the one person in all the cosmos that knows exactly how you feel.” He smiled a little bit, and waved her along. “Go on, do what you need.  I'll be here.”

With that she nodded, and was gone.  Thinking to herself if only he knew just what she’d become in his absence, and just what it was that she had done… he wouldn’t have made that second to last statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys, I'm having a hard time right now with deciding how much I include of Rose’s life without the Doctor. Honestly, with the idea’s I have it’s probably enough to write three 30 chapter stories. Not including her life with her husband. For the sake of keeping this story moving, I'm gonna keep going while only including really prevalent stuff. But if you guys would like it if, for example, every other chapter was a Rose flashback? I would always wrap them back into this story, but what would you guys like best? Please let me know, and in the meantime...try and enjoy yet another super angsty chapter.


	11. Close to Collapse

Close to Collapse

With the library door closed behind her, Rose finally had a chance to breathe as just her once again.  Why did that have to mean so much pain for her? It was as if both Fable and Rose were at war within her, giving advice, telling her how to handle things, what emotion to feel.  But she just wanted to be  _ one _ again.  Her mind was currently a battleground of memories, emotion, and guilt.  So much guilt. She didn’t know how she hadn't yet broken down into an irrefutable state of sobs, snot, and quivers.  Perhaps it was the Doctor that had kept the emotions at bay. Or, rather more likely, her fear of the Doctor learning the cause of her tears, kept them at bay.  Now, there was nothing to hold them back. She tried to steady her breathing, but upon realising she couldn't she began walking briskly, one destination in mind. 

The Zero Room.

Hopefully it could help heal her broken mind, and not just her body this time.  She found the door quickly and the door opened on its own. Sending a silent thank you to her beautiful machine, she stepped in and became weightless.  Her skin gave a subtle golden glow across the backs of her hands, and she knew what it was. She simply walked into a horizontal float, choosing to ignore it momentarily in favour of situation herself first.

Looking back down at her hands again she examined the rings that were on each. On her left lay Dean’s interlocking engagement and wedding ring that were so simple and beautiful.  Next to the dual ring; on the middle finger was a silver-gold, sparkling ring. There was a matching one on her right middle finger. Now that she could remember she knew that these were the source of the gold emulating across her hands.  She tapped the two rings together, placing one hand over the back of the other, and the gold that had begun to creep up her forearms receded into the corresponding rings. 

She sighed and finally dropped her head back. It was weird how she knew with a dead certainty that she now remembered everything, and yet… the information was trying desperately not to overwhelm her.  It wasn't necessarily succeeding at that task, but at the very least helping minimally. Only presenting certain bits information as she came across a need for it. Then Rose felt as the zero room began to gently straighten out her limbs, aligning them into perfect posture before beginning work on untangling the strained muscles that perverted her entire body.  When the effect was finished, her body felt new, and gently workable. She gently flexed her fingers and toes, giggling slightly. But the feeling of freedom in her body was only momentary. Within the next moment the work began on reordering her mind and she immediately blacked out. 

***

The Doctor stood in the library still just where R- where his… companion had left him.  He wasn't sure what he should call her at this point. And she probably didn't know either,he guessed just from the look on her face as she left the room.   Overwhelmed with a barrage of memories, probably in a catatonic state by now. He finally moved, his finger flexed slightly and then he clasped his hands together. After that, it was all undone.  He had to move, to pace the room, to explore; literally anything. He started to meander towards the shelves. As he passed a record player and assortment of music stacked on the shelves, one of the singles jumped out at him, flying directly into the meaty part of his shoulder.  He just barely caught it, fumbling it for a moment, before he was able to examine it.  _ The Ice Is Getting Thinner by Death Cab For Cutie.  _  Huh, looks like the Stardis was trying to tell him something.  He was standing on thin ice with the person he wanted more than anything.  Not good. 

He didn't dare place the song on the record, fearing his emotional turmoil may lead to an outbreak.  And he  _ really _ didn't want to break anything in here if they already were on thin ice. So after placing it carefully back into its place he continued on to the sections of books, perhaps he could find some history on the different parallel universes she had been to.  Specifically the one they were currently in. 

But the first thing to jump out at him, however not literally this time, was a worn leather bound journal.  The pages were yellowing and it was mostly out of place among the other volumes. The Doctor reached for it but as he got close he was zapped.  He recoiled and put the finger in his mouth, while giving a pouting look to the ceiling. 

“Well what  _ can  _ I read then?” He asked with a bit of a whine as he talked around the finger.  He heard a resounding thump of a book hitting the floor a couple aisles over, and immediately withdrew his finger; curiosity replacing the pain.  The grey man strolled quickly to where the sound had come from, and saw on the floor ‘ _ Charles Dickens: A Tale of Two Cities’.   _ His eyebrows drew up at that.  “Alright, this is fine.” He said to the machine.  The shelves around him grumbled a bit, and the Doctor quickly rectified the previous statement. “I mean, thank you, this is great!” He said giving a fake smile, and holding the book up to the ceiling.  The lights flashed at him but he was otherwise left alone. It seems he wasn’t  _ just _ on thin ice with Rose.. er- Fable.  He sighed aloud, this was all very confusing.  

***

The wind was salty and bitter as her shoes slid to a stop in the wet sand.  They made a sort of squelching noise that could only barely be heard over the wheeze and groan of engines.  There was a stark contrast between the fading of the magnificent blue ship, and the bleak greyish tan of the beachy backdrop.  This, however, was now quickly giving way to the foreground as even the slight haze of color belonging to the departing machine blinked out of existence.

The TARDIS was no longer in this universe…

And Rose screamed.

Something deep and guttural that devolved into harsh broken sobs as she collapsed to her knees.  The blue suited man jumped to her side in comfort but she shoved him away with a force he hadn’t expected.  He tumbled into the sand clumsily where it clung to his suit jacket and the seat of his trousers, deepening their shade of blue as the wetness soaked through to his pants.

Rose, who was still kneeling, now loomed over him with a fierce look in her eyes.  Her soul felt like it had been ripped in half and her brain was screaming in agony.  She thought her eyeballs may boil out of their sockets. The Doctor’s eyes took on a note of fear as he noticed how Rose had begun to glow.  Her eyes were blazing with the glittering gold that haunted his nightmares still, this particular nightmare had become as frequent as those of the Time War, so to see that in the waking hours made his heart turn to stone with fear.  Her fists, which were clenched at her sides, shook with the emblems of power. He quickly tossed aside his shock and threw up his hands in a defensive stance. His mind raced to figure out what it all meant; how he had felt her scream inside his head, not just outside it.  When it hit him he felt like a fool for not noticing sooner. Would she blame him for not knowing? She had only run crashing back into his life a few hours ago. With everything else going on around them, their world in turmoil (Not to say they didn’t  _ like _ it that way, but, well…), there were so many faces to keep track of, so many things to do, so many problems to solve.  Even with two of him he had missed  _ this. _  How could he have missed it? She was, after all, the most important woman in any of the universes to ever capture his hearts.  

Of course it had been there.  He had seen her wincing in pain when they thought the Tardis had been dropped into the heart of that star.  He thought it had been pain for Donna, but no. 

“Rose.”  He whispered feverently, like a fool praying to a deity for belief in him.  “Rose, he doesn’t know. He had no idea you were connected to her like this.”  Rose tried to take in a deep breath but it tore into her throat like broken glass.  The salty air dragging against her raw throat, fresh with the pain of her screams. She whimpered as the Doctor opened his arms to her and she fell into him.  

“Shh… Rose.  We’ll be okay.”  He rubbed her back, then an idea occurred to him as he went into his jacket and pulled out the small orange piece of coral.  “Here, hold her, it’ll soothe the pain a bit.” Rose opened her shaking hands and put delicate fingers around the small, twisted clipping.  Tears were rolling down her face as she looked up to meet his murky, brown eyes.

“You’re an idiot.”  There was only a lingering sense of anger behind those words at this point, and he watched as her eyelids drooped.  The pain had exhausted her beyond her natural comprehension and her body was shutting down to compensate. Then her eyes shut and she nuzzled into his chest, as the last flecks of golden power blew gently away.  He pressed his lips to her temple as he brought her closer. 

“I know.”  He tells her, then he carefully gathered her in his arms so that he could stand while holding her close.  Her world drew into a deeper black as her consciousness slipped away. Still gently gripping the coral in her cold hands as its minimal warmth attempted to help soothe her soul.

***

When she wakes she does so reluctantly, not daring to open her eyes which still throb with the pain emanating from her head.  She moans softly and turns her face more towards the soft, smooth surface below her cheek. She can smell the fibres of cotton and the leftover fumes of bleach.  Taking stock of the rest of her body she could feel the starchy sheets beneath one hand and the piece of coral in the other. Its rough, indented surface comforting in her palm.  

So... today wasn’t just a horrible nightmare.  The hotel bed she was currently situated in was proof enough of that.  Also, she was alone, which was mildly surprising considering the state she last remembered being in she was definitely not an alone one.   But she was also definitely not inside, so I guess things can change significantly while you’re not aware of the world. But she already knew that.  The love of her life went from strong and unbeatable, to dying and changing his face within one swift loss of consciousness. 

Just then, she heard voices in the hall outside the room, but they were muffled.  A woman and a man whose hushed tones ended with the click of a lock and the door swinging open.  Then the door clicked shut. Shoes lightly scuffed the carpet as someone crossed the room till they were standing over her.  A harsh breath released from their lips, and the ghost of that breeze hit her face with a caress. Then they sat, indenting the bed next to her, her body slightly tilting toward the new concave.  His scent hit her just before his fingers caressed her brow. He smelled fresh, like rain, and a bit of a chemically smell wafted from what she guessed was his hair and the gel he used to make it do the crazy sticky uppity things.  Then there was that smell that was just distinctly him with it’s musky warmth that tickled her nose and brightened her soul… if that was possible.

Okay, so maybe the past… however many hours hadn’t been a total nightmare.  He was here after all, with her. 

“Hello,” He called softly, his voice deep and husky.  She smiled a little at the sound. “I can tell you’re awake because your heart rate just sped up and your breathing hitched.”  She smiled a little more and felt his thumb trace lightly over her lips. “And, you’ve started smiling.” She peeked her eyes open a bit and was rewarded with the sight of him.  A smirk on his lips to match his tone of voice, the skin on either side of his eyes crinkling slightly, one of his cheeks stood up a bit more proclaiming to the world it’s small smattering of freckles.  It was perfection like she hadn’t seen in years.

“Hello.” She answered, but her voice came out rough in the so not sexy way.  More in the, ‘I’m coming down with this terrible flu, everyone keep back about 10 metres’ way.  The Doctor’s hand trailed away from Rose’s face and down to her neck where it rubbed the tense muscles gently.  Warmth fluttered down her neck and through her whole body making her heart speed up in succession. The Doctor smirked even more in response.

“How are you feeling?” He asked and she shrugged a bit in response.  

“Better now with you here.”  He smiled cheekily in response to that, his eyes crinkling even more at the corners and this made Rose laugh lightly.

“Yeah, course you are.  Cheeky.” He responded and she couldn’t help but find it weird how comfortable she was in that quiet moment with him.  In their old life this was so rare… there was always something to distract them. Even with how much time they spent in the media room together, cuddling and whatnot, they had always been up to something.  Reading to each other, or watching TV, or playing games. Never trivia ones though, he had a stupidly unfair advantage at them. Unless they were really specific earth references from the 2000’s… then she had a tiny advantage.  Now here he was with her, staring unabashedly at her and carding his fingers through her hair. It almost made her forget why she was in such a blessed situation. 

Almost.

The Doctor watched as Rose sat up carefully, a determined look on her face.  Clearly their tender moment had ended without his permission, so he snatched her hand and twined their fingers.  It didn’t matter that he was hopefully expecting a billion more of these moments in his future, he wanted to savour every single one.  Because no matter how long a human life on the slow path could feel, it would still go by in the tiny blink of an eye. He had lived through 9 centuries after all, to have less than one left before him was terrifying.  Rose was his new lifeline through that, but one he could gladly, enthusiatically even, cling to. She didn’t try to pull away from his grasp though, so he simply braced himself for what was to come.

“You left us.”  Her words were simple, and all encompassing.  In those three words were not only the fact of what had been done, but the blame for it as well.  Also the sense of precognition. She knew he had to be aware of the decision, not just the other him, for this to have ever happened.  He nodded at this simple statement, but that wasn’t enough for her. “Why? Who the hell are you to decide what I want,  _ again _ ?”  She seethed at him, her eyes pinpointing him with daggers, and he flinched slightly. 

“I know.”  His voice came out scratchy as it attempted to work over the lump of guilt that had formed.  He grabbed the side of her arm and squeezed the bicep. Then he sighed, preparing himself to be strewn across the metaphorical altar.  “It was stupid and selfish of me, I didn’t consider all the facts at hand. Didn’t even think to look for them. But it was selfless at the same time.”  Rose looked away from him and brushed off the hand on her arm but didn’t let go of his hand. This prompted him to continue on, knowing she was still listening despite her lack of eye contact.  “He’e being selfish because he didn’t ask you or me even what we wanted. It’s selfish because he knew about my lifespan and had this whole thing planned out in the span of a few seconds. He couldn’t watch us be happy together, even if he made a vow not to look in on us the temptation would always be there.  To see you, make sure I was treating you right, just know how you were, but he can’t share you and he won’t kill me so he thought of this. He put that wall right back up between you and him, he doesn’t want to think about you anymore. But Rassilon help him, that won’t be a feat he will achieve easily  _ if _ at all.”  Here he paused and leaned a little closer to Rose, speaking in a hushed yet passionate voice as opposed to the strict and reprimanding one he had just used to describe his other half.  “But, more importantly, Rose, it’s self _ less _ because he would give everything to be in my position right now, but he can’t.  He’d give everything to spend the next 80 years by your side even if it meant watching you die.  This is what he wants.” He put his palm up to caress her cheek just to emphasize the point. “He wants  _ you _ .  Every second of everyday.  And I do too.” 

Rose’s eyes watered at the devout proclamation.  Of course he wanted her, she could see that. But he didn’t really know what  _ she _ wanted.  He didn’t even know about how much she had changed.  The things she had been through just to get back to him and the TARDIS.  

“That’s the whole problem though.  You didn’t ask! Neither of you. And now I’m stuck in the wrong universe with you and your one heart. Your  _ one _ lifetime.”  Confusion struck the Doctor’s face as she stated the obvious.  It wasn’t often that confusion felt like a slap upside the head, but Rose tended to do that to him.  It was the whole ‘having your emotions tied in’ that really screwed him over. It tended to make him miss the obvious while the, no pun intended, rose colored glasses were fully in place.  But this,  _ this _ really seemed to be something he shouldn’t have missed.  

“Yes but… i-isn’t that perfect for being all domestic a-a-and human together?”  His eyebrows scrunched as his hand squeezed hers tighter. He was afraid of the bomb she was about to drop on him, more than he had been afraid of anything since this body had been created.  Rose took a deep breath, which did no help to qualm his sudden fear, before she explained.

“In order to find you, in my home universe-.. the prime universe let’s say, I had to go on a trial and error basis to find it.  They, meaning my Torchwood team here, wired me up with a special prototype, that I helped build. It was keyed into special aspects of my biology that came from time traveling and… other things.  But it still took me years to find it. Years where I was stuck in other universes because time ran at a different pace.” The Doctor’s blood ran cold and he squeezed her hand till his knuckles turned white, but she didn’t complain.

“How many years, Rose?” Rose closed her eyes and her head dropped on a sigh.  “I’m not exactly sure… but I think…” Her eyes met his again. “20 years, give or take.  Maybe more.” She shrugged, and he had the horrid feeling it had been  _ more. _  That she was sparing him just how bad so that he wouldn’t go into a cataclysmic shock before her eyes.   He froze only momentarily, then his brain was racing a thousand miles a second. Realising a whole slew of new things at once.  Especially one big one that was staring him right in the face.

“You haven’t aged.  Not at all. Oh,  _ Rose… _ ”  He sighed, his head now dropping in defeat, eyes roaming the blankets underneath them in thought.  “This changes everything, doesn’t it?” He dared to peek back up at her, and she nodded though not in a committed way.

“It doesn’t have to.  I still want  _ you. _  That’s what is important.  You’re why I went through it.”

“But it’s not just your life span which has suddenly changed.  It’s your physiology too. You were glowing earlier on the beach.  You looked just like you had on the Game Station.” He shook his head.  “I don’t even know what you are Rose.” She turned away from him at this, a mix of emotions going through her mind.  The Doctor saw the dejected look pass before her eyes and grabbed her chin so he could look in her eyes again. “I don’t mean that in a bad way.  I mean that I’m scared  _ for _ you, not  _ of _ you.  I don’t know about what the side effects of what you’ve become are.”  He paused to lick his lips and let go of her chin so he could run a hand through his hair.  She used to call this ‘Mad Scientist Mode’ and if there had been something more to examine, she was sure his  _ sexy specs _ would be coming out at any moment.  Not this time though, this time there was only facts and her.  “It’s obvious you’ve retained some of the huon particles that you took in from the heart of the TARDIS.  I know I tried to get all of it out, but what was left has clearly altered your biology in some significant ways.  Now  _ normally _ any human exposed to huon particles is likely to perish because it’s… well they’re deadly.  But you were always special,  _ Rose Tyler _ .  They seem to have extended your lifespan  _ and  _ given you certain powers.”  Here he smiled at her and she blushed a little in response.  “You’ve always been magnificent.”

“Well… yes.  But my  _ magnificence _ is beside the point, Doctor.  Anyway, everything you’ve just said I already know.  Now it’s mainly hypothesis, but I think the TARDIS allowed the change.  Because If you recall correctly I didn’t just look into the heart of the TARDIS but she-”

“Looked into your heart as well.”  He finished for her. “Yes, I know.  And whatever she found there, she must have approved of you because she granted you access to powers unlike anything I had seen before.”  

“It wasn’t just that though, Doctor.  I think the change started then. I think she wanted to… umm… give me to you.  She wanted to make sure you wouldn’t have to lose me.” The Doctor paused in thought at this, a wistful and considering smile on his face.

“Well isn’t that just  _ wizard. _ That meddling sentient beauty.”  He gave her this huge smile, that made her think for a moment he had forgotten the problem entirely.  But perhaps he had just forgotten that  _ he _ was the problem, his limited life span.  Then she watched it occur to him. “Oh.” His face fell, pain dancing through his eyes.  She would be stuck. His precious girl who had been tailor made for him had been left on the wrong side of the wall with the… wrong him.  And he would have to help her solve that before his time was up. “Well…”

“What?” She exclaimed, watching the idea come to life on his face.  He gingerly grabbed her other hand, and brought it up between them. On reflex Rose loosened her fingers, then the Doctor gently pried them open.

“We have this.”  He breathed out openly admiring the small piece of coral.  “And she’s already grown since I gave her to you, clearly you’re meant for eachother.”  Rose admired the small piece too, wondering if in something so fragile was her hope for a future.  

“Could we really do it?”  Rose asked in open astonishment bordering on disbelief, her eyes raising to his level, daring for hope to sparkle between them. 

“We could.”  There was a whisper of a smile on his face, and suddenly the tension in the room evaporated.  Rose dropped their intertwined hands to roughly grab his neck and pull his face to hers in a passionate embrace.  Their lips met with a fervent force, the Doctor eagerly responded to. He leaned into her, pressing her to lay back down on the mattress with him positioned on top of her, pure ecstasy coursing through his human body.  Rose pulled away momentarily and pressed a finger to his lips to stop the re-assault, she took the few seconds she could manage to gently set the coral in the besides table drawer, where it could be safe until morning. When her eyes met his again, something had shifted.  He was still on top of her, their bodies slotted together in all the rights ways, but there was worry clear and present in his eyes. She raised a hand to cup his cheek, stroking the cheek bone as if trying to soothe the worry out physically.

“What?”  She searched his eyes and he searched hers back, the adam’s apple in his throat bobbed nervously.

“Will you still stay with me?  Even if I’m aging and senile, and forgetting who you are?”  She gave him the most incredulous look. 

“No matter what, you daft idiot, I’m not leaving your side.  It may have been hard for you to comprehend the slow path before, but it’s how I was raised.  I’m sure I could learn to enjoy it. Especially with you.” He smiled a little but still looked nervous.

“Better with two?”  He questioned again. 

“It’ll be easier to pay the mortgage that way.”  He shuddered at that, then smacked her lightly on the shoulder.

“I’m not joking.”

“Neither am I.  I’ll say it again, however many times you need to hear it.”

“I do.”

“No matter what, I’m not leaving you.”  He sighed and collapsed onto her, snuggling into her neck.  Her arms came up to hold him tighter. 

“I’ll always be in awe of your loyalty, Rose Tyler.  Even if I don’t know why you are so set on daft old me..”

“Yes, you do.  But, ‘Does it need saying?’” She mocked him lightly.  He pushed himself up to look at her and found her playful look.  It ignited something in him that he didn’t see going out any time soon.

“Oi, you!”  She laughed at this, then he attacked her again, his lips caressing down her neck.  The laughter died quickly followed by hums of appreciation. Both quickly forgetting the conversation about changing biologies and side effects.  Too busy in the midst of losing themselves in  _ each others _ biology. 


	12. Doom Descends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sorry. I have no words for this chapter before you begin, really. It is the longest chapter I've ever written. Please forgive any errors as I am still without beta, and I just needed to get this up here. It contains some Norwegian translations(I tried my best), and some references to a DW Novel called the Gallifrey Chronicles by Lance Parkin. You can look up the TardisWiki page for it, but essentially it's one of the possibilities for who the Doctor's parents are. And it addresses that whole 'half human on my mother's side' comment the Eighth Doctor made. Anyway, please enjoy. And again, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

_ Doom Descends _

 

Her toes wiggled as the first sign of her waking up.  She smiled as the warm feeling of home settled into her muscles and bones.  She floated gently toward the door where her body began to tilt from horizontal to vertical.  Then just as her toes touched the ground her eyes popped open with a swirl of brown and gold. The gold slowly receded as she neared the doorway.

She felt power.  Yes, of course she had her memories, but it was mainly the raw power coursing through her.  She stepped out of the zero room and the door slid shut behind her, leaving the feeling of power to abate.  In the next moment she was walking, time was passing quickly. She was at the wardrobe door before the last tendrils of sparkling gold had faded from her skin.  All the doors of her ship opened for her and closed after her. STARDIS knew exactly what she wanted as she wanted it. It was so useful and welcoming after centuries of finnicky behaviour and sass.

Rose found herself in front of the mirror, staring at a reflection that felt entirely foreign in its familiarness.  A long, grey cardigan hung onto her shoulders, wool like material on top of a simple black cotton t-shirt and black leggings, ending in grey combat boots.  There was a simple blue stone hanging from her neck, and a silver band on her right ring finger with an inlaid blue stone. 

Where there had been black hair and blue eyes, there was now blonde hair and brown eyes.  She raised her hand to her face and made gentle indentations in her cheek. The round face of her youth had long since passed, but even now the taut narrow thing in front of her seemed strange.  Her thick brows, full lips, and high cheekbones. She scowled at her own face and watched the reflection return the expression. This was the face that had been consumed with power and destroyed universes.  

She wasn’t this girl anymore.  Not Rose Tyler, not the Bad Wolf.  Her hand dropped from her face while her other hand raised level in front of her.  The two hands hovered there for a moment, one over the other as if saying goodbye to this face and those haunted brown eyes.  Then she clicked the rings on her middle fingers together, twice. 

Fable’s whole body glowed. The hair shifted to nondescript waves of glitter and glowing, her eyes melted and gave way to molten gold covering pupil, iris, and white’s.  She carefully took her left index finger and thumb and used them to twist the ring on her right hand clockwise. She watched as her image in the mirror changed from the god-like thing of swirling gold mass.  The ring seemingly sucking in the gold and revealing raven hair and light blue eyes. She smirked a bit, not really pleased but content.

Fable turned toward the rest of her wardrobe and away from the mirror.  Laying on an armchair nearby was a grey vinyl coat, a light blue button up blouse, and high waisted black jeans.  

She toed off her boots and changed quickly, then turned back to the mirror.  It was… different, and not just because she had changed her clothes. Her eyes looked deeper.  They didn’t glow with a lightness and brevity like they once had, but now just a swirling pool of… time.  Flecks of gold twinkled at her from the depths.

Without a second more wasted she strode out of the room and off towards the kitchen.  

Nourishment always came before piloting.  She had learned that the hard way. The thought of three days on a new planet with nothing edible in sight made her shudder.  Plus… she loved food, a lot. She smiled at the thought of vegetable chicken tenders dipped in fruity yoghurt. She rounded the corner and was in the galley.  Her eyes flashed with a memory of the TARDIS kitchen. It was such a sudden memory, it asauged all of her senses and knocked the wind out of her. She hadn’t thought of what the TARDIS looked like in almost a millenia.  She hadn't realized how similar the two kitchens looked.

It made her frown in thought.  When she had first designed this space it had looked almost identical to the original TARDIS, then after a while she changed everything multiple times.  Just to get away from that aching feeling. This room had once sported an exact replica of the kitchen in Monica and Rachel’s apartment from  _ Friends _ .  Essentially… it was just the whole main room of the apartment, but that was beside the point, that look was long gone now.  And yet somehow, here she stood, feeling close to a place a universe away.

Or… not quite a universe currently. Currently same universe and waiting in the library.  Same ship really.

Fable heard something sizzle to life on the stove top and was surprised to find sweet chili tofu with carrots, onions, and red peppers.  She swirled the pan a couple times with a spatula, then swiped a plate out of the cupboard. Moments later she was sitting in the diner style booth and munching happily on the slightly spicy dish. 

Every little moment felt so monumental right now.  As if it was the first time in hundreds of years she was doing something, but at the same time it was something brand new.  Now, at a first glance those two feelings might feel similar, but in fact they are different. It’s like… walking down the hall of your primary school for the first time since you last went there.  Now, it’s brand new, every little way the building has changed, and the people too. None of the teachers or children are the same, nor the decorations. There’s been quite a few renovations over the years to the point where parts of a building you once thought of as a second home have become foreign to your senses.  

That was how Fable felt now.  Because it had been so very long since she had been Rose, yet all the sensations had a certain familiarity.  Every action she took was something she had done daily as Fable, and daily as Rose, but never as one in the same.  And it was strange. The colors almost seemed to waver in their confusion. The world didn’t know how to shape itself around her.  She was new, and very old at the same time. This was, in fact, the closest Fable would ever come to the feelings of a regeneration. 

Getting dressed, eating food, it all seemed fresh and new.  Strange and different. And to top off all the weird feelings, she kept experiencing flashes of memories and deja vu.  How was she ever going to maintain any type of facade around the Doctor?

His name conjured up another stirring of strange emotions and memories.  Her food paused halfway to her mouth. She hadn’t ever decided what to do with him, let alone what to feel.  The fork, still full, dropped back down to the plate with her lost appetite. She pushed the plate away from her and dropped her face into her arms.

She thumped her head a few times for good measure.  She felt like she was moving in hyper speed and slow motion all at once.  Why did every damn thing she felt right now have to be a contradiction? Couldn’t at least one damn thing make sense?!  Every single thought smashed together in imaginary arguments over who was better, who was right, what was moral. She wanted to scream.

Somewhere on her STARDIS was the Doctor who was waiting in hope that she could return his Rose to him.  But could she?

***

She woke up the next morning to her Doctor drawing schematics on the hotel provided notepad.  There were about twenty similar ones scattered on the desk and another thirty that were crumpled on the floor.  It only took her a moment to realize what he was doing. 

The Doctor was drawing up plans for their TARDIS. 

She smiled and propped her head up on her hand, gazing at him.  He didn’t appear to notice her watching at first, so she had time to let her gaze drag down his body, still not used to having him so close again.  His hair looked wild from sleep and… other things. His glasses were perched on his nose as he studied his designs intently. Piecing together one of the most complicated puzzles she’d ever seen.  Then he started scribbling furiously, he still hadn’t noticed her gaze as it drug down his neck, appreciating every mole and freckle. Down to his bare shoulders and chest with its small spattering of curly brown hair.  His torso, which is lightly sculpted with well used muscles, but also thin as a rail. Her heart rate quickened as she noticed the dark trail of hair just below his belly button and she came to the delicious realization that he was not wearing any pants.

Her eyes jumped back up to his face and met his eyes which had obviously been trained on her face as she made her exploration.  Rose had been so deep in concentration she wasn't even sure when he had stopped working and started watching her. She licked her lips and let out a quiet,

“M’rning.” Her voice was deep and husky so she watched his eyes darken almost imperceptibly.  

“Good morning, Rose.”  He was smirking at her and then suddenly jumped back into the bed with her.  She started giggling as the bed bounced crazily and he assailed her neck with kisses.  Then he peppered her face with them. She couldn’t take it anymore so she flipped them both and captured his hands above his head.

“Stop teasing me.”  She told him before merging their lips.  They both sighed into the embrace, Rose relaxed her grip on his wrists, then he used those now free hands to stroke up and down her body.  Appreciating the curves but not appreciating the sheet that was caught and tangled between them. He started kicking his legs furiously, which caused Rose to break away from his lips even if that wasn’t his intention. 

“Oh my goodness, what are you doing?”  She laughed at the disgruntled look on his face.

“There’s this-, the-, why! I can’t get close enough to you!  There was a sheet in the way!” His voice came out as a whine and Rose couldn’t help but laugh at him again, nuzzling into his neck.  He held her tightly against his chest and smiled even though she couldn’t see it. Her laugh brought joy to his soul, brightening it unlike anything else had in the past two years.  He loved having her like this more than he ever thought he would, nestled in his arms where he can easily run his fingers through her soft blonde tresses.

He leaned in and kissed her on the top of the head.  The smell of her combined with simple domestic actions made his single heart swell.   _ He loves her _ .  And it made his heart beat a little faster and harder just knowing that.  Almost painfully. Or maybe not almost. 

Rose’s fingers traced patterns on his chest when he also clutched his chest and groaned in pain.  Rose sat up in response to see his face, suddenly worried.

“What is it?”  She questioned, carefully tracing the furrowed lines of pain on his face.  Then his face relaxed and his eyes opened.

“Nothing… just, well.  Probably a human symptom or something.”  He said, but he can only meet her eyes once as he does.  So he just knew that that wouldn’t convince her. Of course when he looked back she was squinting her eyes at him.

“You don’t actually know, do you.”  She didn’t say it as a question. They both knew.  So when he met her gaze head on again she started to panic inside because she could see the worry etched in his brown eyes.

“I’ve got a-..a-.. Faint idea.  But it’s not good.” She was about to respond when he suddenly sat up and went off lightening fast into one of his famous ramblings.

“Did I ever tell you about the day I lost you?  Probably not, since you were gone. Well anyway, I had just said goodbye… sort of.  Cut-off mid transmission and tremendous pain, when suddenly there’s this bride in my console room.  Turns out Donna had been poisoned with huon energy for months. Anyway, I tried to take her back to the church, there were robot Santa’s again and speed chases.  She missed the ceremony but we went to the reception.

It was quite the party, on Christmas Day to boot.  There was Donna dancing with Lance and all these people partying around me.  I’m trying to mind my own business, solve the mystery. But I could barely focus with all those people, one couple in particular… He was in a brown suit and she had long blonde hair.  All I could think was how I wished that was us. How I wished I had you again.” Here he paused and brought his hand up to her face, and stroked the cheek tenderly. She smiled a sad smile at him, knowing exactly how he had been feeling.  Her mum had thrown a party, thought it would cheer her up, being all fancy and rich with Pete. And it was great, having Mickey there, but it was more a societal thing. Pete was announcing how he’d found Jackie and they had adopted a daughter.  Rose had wanted to be anywhere but there so she was relieved when Mickey finally busted her out. All those happy people had just made her more sad, she missed the Doctor in ways she hadn’t even counted on.

“It’s just… that feeling I had in that moment.  The way my heart constricted, my throat closed. I could feel you everywhere around me but you weren’t there and it  _ hurt. _ ”  He paused again and she grabbed his hand just to remind him she really was right there.  “I never thought I would feel the exact opposite of that feeling. That my heart could swell and feel so full.   That I would breathe so fully like I could smell the emotion in the air. That you are everywhere around me and that sensation is so beautiful.”  He paused again, took her face in his hands and kissed her. It was sweet and slow and sensuous. He hoped it conveyed everything he felt. Just as his heart started to speed up he pulled away.

“Rose Tyler.  I  _ love _ you.”   And Rose smiled so wide it dared to split her face.  Her tongue poked out and tears dared to prick in her eyes.

“I know.  You told me on the beach.  And I knew before that too.  Even when you hadn’t said it.  I’ve always known.” Then he was kissing her again, in full force.  His tongue chased hers and felt

all those amazing sensations, even after his heart sped up, he didn’t stop.  Only when he suddenly cried out in pain again and clutched his chest did they pull apart.  Her eyes met his and it made her want to cry. He looked distant and scared and she wanted to do everything she could to take that look away.

But as she would soon learn, she couldn’t.  

“My body is failing Rose.”

Soon after he did, he wished he hadn’t told her.  Because every interaction they had in those last few days were drenched in painful sadness that hadn’t been present during that first morning together.  That morning that had felt like the beginning of the rest of their lives. He loved her, and would give everything he had to see her happy again, even if he was in pain. But it wasn’t meant to be.  

The Doctor got his hands on Pete’s laptop within the next hour, and he spent the next twenty-four of them working to put every single thing he knew about the TARDIS into it.  Since Rose would most likely be building her alone. Then once he was done, he spent the next two coding a flash drive with letters to her. They were time released, like little hidden treasures.  That way she would still have bits of him even when she had nothing. Then he secured it so she (Nor anyone else for that matter) could hack it. He needed to know that even in some small way he was taking care of her.  Then he gave the flash drive to Pete and told him to only give it to her when the time was right.

About 6 hours ago his head had started to warm above normal human temperature, by now the heat was unpleasant.  Old memories kept flashing to the surface and he supposed it was only a matter of time before even worse symptoms materialized. 

Rose stayed by his side through all of it.  The hotel room had become their little nest where the outside world dropped away so they could be with each other as much as possible before the inevitable.  It was only when Rose drifted into an uneasy sleep in his lap that he would work on the flash drive. 

They didn’t have any visitors except Jackie who brought them food and tea.  Or the few times they saw Pete. But even Jackie Tyler seemed afraid to burst their bubble.  She was terrified of what would become of her daughter after but knew that this time with the Doctor would be everything to her.

Then when he was done he closed the laptop and pushed it to the side.  He slid down the bed to be even with her and gather her in his arms.  _ His _ Rose. 

Her eyes fluttered open and met his.  A sleepy smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye.  The Doctor could see that for a moment she had forgotten his impending doom so he loved her all the more for it.  He leaned in and swiftly captured her lips in a sweet kiss and pulled away.

“My Rose.”  He smirked and she just smiled her tongue touched grin.  

“My Doctor.”  Came her cheeky reply.  That was all it took to send them into another tryst of passion. 

The Doctor didn’t tell her how the heat in his brain was starting to cook him from the inside out, and he didn’t even mention the intense pain his beating heart caused.  He just wanted her, but more importantly, her to be happy and not see him in pain. 

Oh how he loved her.

 

They had spent  the next night in the local town dancing and singing karaoke tunes, if you could believe it.  There wasn’t even a sign of the kind of pain the Doctor was in until the next morning. He had sang  _ Love Don’t Roam _ and brought her up on stage with him.  She had smiled and laughed and danced along to his antics.  His voice was smooth and comforting to her ears, later she would find out that her mum had recorded the whole song on her camera phone.  

That night they had made love, each moment punctuated with declarations and sweet kisses.  Everything would have been perfect if they both couldn’t feel the end coming. Then the next morning she found him passed out in the bathroom. Blood and vomit in the toilet, the red substance on his face slowly drying… but alive.  She held him and cried as she cleaned him up and dressed him in his blue suit. 

He woke on the bed an hour later and he knew it was coming.  With what was left of his time senses he could see it. So he knew where they needed to go.  Where he had always been going. 

“How do you feel about a bit of hiking?”  He asked Rose when she came out of the bathroom, she gave him a worried smile but squinted her eyes in confusion.

“Sounds lovely.”  Then she watched as he sat up on his own and she offered him her hand.  He answered her with one of his brilliant smiles. 

“Allons-y!”  And he ran off out of the room, no looking back.  Except at his radiant Rose who just laughed at his antics.  She stopped suddenly and pulled him into her arms, snogged him for all he was worth and when she pulled away her eyes radiated this warmth that made even the tips of his toes tingle.  

“Me too.  Always.” He told her, and kissed her again.

“Forever.”  Rose responded, then she ran off with him in tow and both their laughs chorused through the building.  

***

They rounded corners as if something was chasing them, they slid down the bannister into the hotel lobby as if they were little kids, and they laughed and pulled at one another, trying to stop one gaining the advantage from another.  

Jackie was sitting in an armchair near the cozy fire place of the quaint hotel and smiled at their antics, her book forgotten on the side table.  The concierge behind the desk made to tell them off and Jackie got in his way saying, “Oi! Ron, let them be. Could be his last day on Earth that one.  Ron, a very mustached man with a slight tummy, but a shorter stature than Jackie, went to say something but Jackie made a tutting sound at him. Ron gave a flustered harrumph and returned to his desk.  Proud of herself Jackie turned back to her chair only to find that skinny blue suited bloke in question sitting in it. He smiled at her and waggled his eyebrows, the tips of his fingers padding together.

“Glad I’m not the only one on the receiving end of your scorn anymore.  I daresay, you even just defended me to a total stranger.” The Doctor said with an amused tone.  Jackie just crossed her arms and rolled her eyes at him playfully. 

“You’re still a right idiot, and daft too... but you make her happy.  I just only wish things weren’t this way.” Coming to sit on the arm of the chair next to him she placed her palm on his cheek and caressed it softly. The Doctor’s expression had turned stormy but he placed his hand over Jackie’s. 

“You’re right.”  Confusion passed through Jackie’s eyes and then he clarified.  “Today’s the day.” He laughed darkly and it made the older looking woman’s heart twinge.  Her eyes started to water and the Doctor stood up suddenly. Jackie stood up too, watching his face.  His eyes darted to the side, out the large front windows of the hotel.

“Does she know?”  Jackie asked in a quiet strained whisper, voice choked with emotion.

The Doctor nodded, swallowed and then briefly met Jackie’s eyes again before saying, “She’s grabbing us some breakfast.”  Jackie furrowed her eyes at him, and he just met her gaze head on. “I don’t have to say it, she knows. The more we talk about it the worse she gets and I just- I- Oh Rassilon, I just need her to look at me like everything isn’t completely falling apart.”  He almost broke then, the water gathering in his eyes, thinking about the Rose he was about to leave behind. A Rose in utter turmoil, falling apart. Thankfully she would have the best hands in the universe to help her put back together the pieces: Her Mother.  Jackie wanted to say something, but couldn’t think of what to even voice that would make this better. Nothing would, so she just nodded, swallowed and moved on. 

“Well, best get to it then.  Make the best of it, yeah?” The Doctor nodded, looking thankfully back at what was his almost mother-in-law, then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small slip of paper and placed it into Jackie’s hand. 

“That’s the probably where I’ll-” He cleared his throat, and looked away for a moment, he saw Rose coming over and his heart squeezed again.  So painful and tight. “She’ll need you. Pete. Mickey.” Jackie nodded, then was utterly surprised at the bone crushing hug she received. “Thank you.”  He whispered in her ear. A tear slipped down her cheek and she squeezed him back like the almost son he had become. Her chest quivered in anticipation of the pain and sorrow that would be left hanging over her little family.  Then he pulled back, just as quickly as it all started, he turned to Rose with a brilliant smile and she returned it. Jackie watched in awe and wondered for the life of her why they didn’t get together sooner. Before the bloody alien left a wall in between them by accident.  If that would have made them happier. 

But no, this was the way the universe wanted things to happen, apparently, despite it being a load of utter bollocks.  

“Got you some banana bread!” Rose held the thing in front of her temptingly and the Doctor jumped forward to get it, but Rose danced just out of reach. “But you’re gonna have to earn it!”  She said with a laugh that was almost carefree, then she went running through the main hotel door, and the Doctor happily gave chase. God, did they love each other. And boy did Jackie hate every being in the universe that had tried to keep them apart.  

Jackie looked down at the folded paper and sighed, a heavy thing full of worry and tension and...AND.  There was so much yet to come, she could feel it palpable on the air like static electricity, seeking to invade her senses and shock her into a state of awareness she could never achieve.  She wanted nothing more than for her baby girl to finally get her happy ending, but it was as if the universe was telling her it would be a long way off. She shook the feeling, gathered her discarded book and marched off to the hotel room she shared with Pete.  They had arrangements to make for… after. She couldn’t think of those things alone. 

***

He caught up to her quickly and intertwined their fingers.  Rose laughed and graced him with her tongue touched smile which made his heart flutter.  The he kissed her, and quickly snatched away the plastic packaged bread. Rose broke away with a gasp of surprise.

“You’re a dirty cheat!”  He nodded, tore through the plastic, and was munching happily before she could try to snatch it away once more.  However, after a few more chews, his face scrunched up in confusion and through a mouthful of mushy bread he said, 

“Aww, this is  _ artificial  _ banana flavouring, isn’t it?”  Rose shrugged but laughed at his antics anyway as he gave a roll of his eyes then continued munching.  

“Still tastes good though?”  She was smiling that soft smile as she watched him chew.  Her face illuminated by the cresting sunrise, she shielded her eyes with her hand.  She glowed, and he marveled that she was looking at him so contentedly in the simple moment.  Had he been his full Timelord self he might have worried about the domestic feeling it all gave him, but as he was now he savoured it, just like he savoured the sweet crumbly pastry as he devoured the last crumbs.

“Mmm.  But not as tasty as you, Rose Tyler.”  He waggled his eyebrows at her. She giggled in response and smacked him lightly on the arm.

“We’re in public, you know?”  Her tone all mock scorn and playfulness.  

“Oh, but isn’t that just the best part?  Because now the whole wide world can see and hear about how much…”  He paused here then promptly lept up onto one of the stone walls lining the little road, “I LOVE YOU ROSE MARION TYLER!”  He crowed at the top of his lungs. Rose flashed a bright red and scrambled over to him, pulling him down to her level. Of course he just smiled like the cat who got the cream, and all she could do for one frustrating moment was sputter as she caught the annoyed eyes a few stray people milling into the local grocery store and gas station.  Then with a defeated sigh she pulled him in and kissed him yet again. It was playful and happy as their lips slid against each other. 

His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling against the plushy fabric of her big winter coat, hers running up his chest and locking behind his neck.  She hummed at the feelings and he nipped at her lips, as if he would rather them to the banana bread anyday. He tasted of cake, sweetness, bananas, and just a barely there hint of something unable, but undeniably him.  She tasted of everything he would ever need in life, she was a unique and heady mix of what an old book smells like. If that could be a taste, that was Rose. Layered with something akin to happiness which was a flavour he knew was something like orange juice.  He broke away from her before things got too intense, and pressed their foreheads together. Their breath mingling, forming a fog in the chilly air of late Winter. The Doctor smiled, stole one more singular kiss, then tugged her hands from his neck to hold.

“Come on now, places to explore, steps to be taken, adventure to be had.”  Rose nodded in response.

“You never did say, where exactly are we going?”  She threw him a sideways glance, so he tugged her closer, pointing toward the horizon.

“There we are, Rose.  Second star to the right, and straight on until morning!”  He gestured at the sun, then at the little hill that could almost be called a mountain cresting in the distance. 

“What’s it called?”  She asked as they started walking again, eyes trained on the sight.

“ Mønstre-en-Eventyr.” Of course his Norwegian was flawless and Rose rolled her eyes at it.  She mulled it over though, having learned a bit of Norwegian over the last few years. Wondering was it the name, or just the pure call of adventure that had lured the Doctor to this particular location.  It’s not as if it was the only mountainish place around they could hike. Yet they walked steadily on, gently basking the others company and tiny ministrations. A kiss here, and gentle squeeze of the hands there.  “What have you been thinking about?” He mused at her, she just shrugged.

“Nothing important really, just trying to translate the name by myself.  Because, you know it sounds like  _ Monster Event _ , which is very you, but I also know Norwegian isn’t that direct…”  Her words drifted off and she looked at him for a clue. He gave her a sad little smile and went into his ‘teacher mode’.  

“No, nothing to do with monsters at all.  However if I had said  _ monstre _ instead of  _ Mønstre, _ then you would be correct.  The direct translation is  _ Pattern a Fairytale _ .”  He said this title with a waving hand of magic, and a voice of haughty privilege. Rose laughed and just shook her head.

“What on  _ earth _ does that even mean?”  She mused,utterly baffled by the revelation.  

“Mmm, perhaps that Fairytales have a certain pattern to them? Some sort of common trend?  A certain lesson to be learned? Transformation to achieve? Honestly, some Fairy Tales have better character growth than most modern novels and TV shows.  Between the Brothers Grimm and all the other various and sundry lore and tall tales stemming from not just the english speaking countries, but the entire globe?  The entire universe? Yeah, I’m sure if you looked there would be some sort of unifying… idea. One string to connect them all. The benevolent wizard. The last minute hero.  Deus-ex-machina! Who knows?” He ended by looking down at her, seeing her face scrunched up, deep in thought. She caught him staring and gave him a look that seemed to say he hadn’t quite solved it yet.

“There’s something more though… because it feels like it’s a hidden meaning.  You know, like  _ Dårlig Ulv Stranden _ , it isn’t an exact translation to Bad Wolf Bay?  In fact it was much more accurate to say Bad Wolf Beach… it was just when I asked a local to translate it for me, she said exactly what we first knew it as.  All this tittering about trends in silly lore and whatnot just doesn’t add-” 

“Rose! Say what you just said again! Exactly that!”  He was suddenly very alarmed, gripping Rose’s biceps, staring straight into her eyes.  Rose was sufficiently startled.

“Whatnot?”  She asked and he shook his head

“Before that!”

“Trends ‘n Lore?”  She questioned, so utterly confused that her London accent came out thicker.  The Doctor froze for only a second before continuing on in a cheerful manner.

“Nevermind.  Not what I thought.”  Then he turned, grabbing her hand again and set off at a quicker pace.  They were now only about a mile from the base of the mountain. The little town of  Våge had passed them by and now only a few scattered country houses were around them.  The Bay was to their right, the sun to their left. The day was perfect, if not crisp. 

“But, Doctor-” 

“Please Rose, Please.  Not now.” He glanced back at her, begging her to drop it, so she bit her lip and nodded.  Then she pulled sharply on their joined hands and kissed him again, purposely musing his crazy brown hair even more.  When they turned back to walk again they both had a slight flush to their cheeks. The wind picked up from the north, so it was hitting them square in the back.  Rose skipped on ahead of him and then turned, egging him to catch up as she tossed her hair out of her face. He ran at her, picked her up around the stomach and listened in glee as she squealed with pleasure.

Then they were there, at the base of the trail.  It was lined with greyish brown trees which would probably sprout new leaves again within the month.  The occasional dark green pine tree dotted the horizon and the gravel crunched under their feet as they ascended.  The Doctor prattled on about kinds of trees, the variations that were on other planets, and then he talked about the trees of his own planet.  The silver of them, and how when the wind blew it looked like fire. All that red grass and flickering leaves creating an illusion like a mirage that was his childhood. Some metaphors were more true than others with how wispy his memories of childhood seemed at times.  But once the floodgate had opened about his own, he couldn’t stop it. And Rose listened, asked questions here and there, added appropriate commentary. She was a great listener and he was so glad to have found the one person in all the universes that could truly understand and love him.  

He told her how he used to sleep in a shed, because the other boys made fun of him for being too sensitive.  He told her about his mother, who was human, which led to him being the first Timelord born of natural conception in over twelve centuries(though he didn’t know it at the time, and had always assumed he was loomed… which then led to the explanation of why Time Lords had been loomed and well… you know, once you fell down the rabbit hole).  Then he told her about how he was never supposed to know about that. How they never even raised him. How he didn’t really know them, he looked over at Rose and noticed her eyes shining and he cut himself off.

“I did meet them, once though.”  Then he swallowed thickly, stopped and turned to Rose, grabbing both her hands in his.  She nodded at him to go on. “She was ginger. This beautiful, bright, ginger woman. Absolutely barmy though.  Invented her own time machine in Victorian London. It’s how she met my dad, and me by consequence or happenstance depending on how you look at it…”

“She was human, though, yeah?” The Doctor smiled at her, a little twinkle in his eyes.  “Blimey. Well, when did you find out? That she was your mother I mean.” A look of hurt crossed his face, but he didn’t turn away. 

“I didn’t find out so much as realize it.  I had this friend when I was in the Academy.  Koschei we called him. He was the only person I had ever met on that stuffy old planet that wanted nearly the same things I did.  Oh, and he was brilliant. Way smarter than me at school but… he went mad.” The Doctor paused, remembering the last time he saw the Master.  Dying in his arms, shot by the woman he let stand by his side. He blinked the memory away and turned back to Rose. She didn’t need to know. “Anyway.  His father, blimey he was a tough bloke. Real important man, the Castellan of Gallifrey. Boy he was brilliant, I looked up to him while I was growing up.  And technically, my Tardis was his first. Before he retired her to the museum! Well, I suppose he didn’t retire her… that was partially why he was so mad-”

“Doctor!”  Rose interrupted, giving him an amused look.  And as interested as she was to know everything, they simply didn’t have the time to go over the Doctor’s near thousand year history in a few hours.  “What was his name?” The Doctor paused, and gave Rose the most gracious smile.

“Marnal.”  She smiled back at him, thankful that he had managed to slow down for a moment.

“And what does he have to do with you finding out about your parents?” The Doctor sighed and Rose squeezed her fingers around his tightly.  Encouraging him.

“Well, it was a bit… wibbly wobbly.  But, essentially? It was something he said, when he was dying.  He didn’t have any regenerations left, and he had just recovered from this terrible bout of induced amnesia.  So things were… fuzzy. I told him how he was my childhood hero, and he said… He was really worried about me when I was young, but in the end he was glad I turned out just like my parents.  Despite what they did to him. And well… it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.” The Doctor shrugged. Rose didn’t know what to say, so the Doctor went on. “He didn’t know… about me, when I was growing up.  In fact it was because he found out what I was that they put him under that spell. They were trying to protect me. After that I guess they dropped me off at the… boy’s home of sorts and made them promise never to reveal me as anything other than another one of Ullysses’ loom’s.”  They were quiet for a few minutes. The Doctor was subtly trying to catch his breath, the hike starting to feel strenuous on his weak human body. 

“Don’t you ever wish… that, you could have known her more?”  The Doctor met Rose’s eyes and stopped walking for a moment. He thought, and Rose watched all those little snippets of consideration flit across his face.

“Yes.”  He said simply, then he gave her a sad little smile, that spoke volumes of all the things he wished for but would never get.  It made Rose’s heart ache in the most hollow and horrible way. “But I think that in return, for all those sacrifices I made, consciously or not, I got something even better.”  Then he took their joined hands and brought them up to his heart. Single heart. That was beating unsteadily for the woman in front of him. 

“I don’t think I’m the equal for losing your mother.”  Rose said somberly. She would never have survived without her mother.  She knew that. In that way the Doctor was always going to be stronger than her.  As if he heard her inner musings, he continued on the quell her discomforts.

“It was different on Gallifrey, remember?  Everyone was loomed. None of us had parents that actually acted like parents.  So it never really seemed strange, or sad.” He watched her eyes, trying to garner if she could handle some more serious words.  Then he realized, it didn’t matter if she could handle them. He needed to speak them, and she needed to hear them. The clock was winding down.  “Do you know, I don’t think this ever would have happened like this is she wasn’t human? I think I needed to be half human for the metacrisis to work at all.  I’m not really half human, half time lord. That’s for him, the Doctor out there on the other side of that wall. I’m more… three quarters human and a quarter time lord.”  He stopped again, watching Rose’s beautifully pensive face, wondering what the point he was about to make. “I think my life needed to happen just this way, so I could end up here.  In these moments. With you. No one else but you, Rose Tyler.” 

Rose smiled and let out a breathy laugh as her eyes started to shine.  “I can’t help but hope that-” She started, but he interrupted her

“That somewhere, out there, in the vast wide multi-verse… that we got our ‘happy ending’?  Somewhere out there there’s a completely human Rose Tyler, and a completely ex-time lord, now Human Dr. John Tyler?”  Rose nodded and went on.

“And they’re thinking abou’ getting married?  And having kids? And building their time machine together, teaching the universe a thing or two about who’s protecting what.  Defender’s of the Earth, the Tyler’s!” Rose finished valiantly, even though a tear had slipped down her cheek and her accent grew thicker with sadness.  “They’re happy as can be.” The Doctor smiled at that, and put his hands on Rose’s cheeks. Rubbed at her tear’s with his thumbs and whispered,

“Aren’t we happy?” To which Rose just shook her head sadly, and put her hands over his on her face.  She gently pulled them down, and kissed each palm with as much sentiment as she could muster. Then she wrapped her arms around him and his went around her, but they stayed far enough back to see the other’s face.

“We’re sad.”  At that, a tear slipped down the Doctor’s cheek, his very soul was crushed, thinking he had failed her in these last few days they had together.  “But we’ve had moments of joy and ecstasy. We’ve loved all the minutes we could.” Another crystalline drop trailing on it’s way to meet the gravel.  The wind made the wet tracks on their faces feel almost as cold as their hearts. But their arms were warm and soft around one another, holding all the drops in the rain cloud together by pure pressure and heat and need. “But we’re sad, because it matters.  Because we know that nothing happy will ever be easy. For either of us.” A pained hiccuping noise rose in the Doctor’s throat, like a tidal wave. He didn’t deserve to cry right now. Especially not like this. When  _ he _ was the one who was leaving  _ her. _  His eyes squinted as the tears blurred his vision.  Rose’s face crumpled at the sight of his pain, but no.  He didn’t want that, couldn’t have that. He wasn’t supposed to go out like this. 

But oh, was his head hot now.  The pain was so blinding that it had turned cold in spots.  An icy killer death. Being boiled in ice water and needles.  Then his heart… it was erratic, irregular. All of that was physical though.  The hardest part was the non-physical stuff, invading his senses and pretending it was real.  He was grieving, for their lost future. That felt as if someone had stamped on every nerve ending in his body, trailing pains like icy fire of never coulds and never woulds firing through his synapses.  He finally knew how his once human counterpart had felt at the prospect of leaving Joan. He pulled Rose in and he hugged her. He knew she could feel how his chest heaved and laboured with breath, and prayed she would assume it was about the crying, not about his deterioration.  Her hug was the only thing holding him together, and he knew once she let go… it would all begin. 

“Promise me something, Rose.”  His voice was like the crunch of gravel beneath their feet.  She pulled back to look in his eyes and he kissed her, because right then he still could.  It was gross, tasting slightly of snot and salt, but it was perfect because it was her. The traces of vanilla from her chapstick, or mint from her toothpaste still lingered.  They pulled apart, and she looked regretfully into his eyes.

“I can’t promise anything.  But whatever it is, I will try.  As much as I’m able to I will. But the universe tends to force me to break our promises.  And I won’t let it get ahold of another one.” The Doctor let out a dark chuckle at that.

“Quite right, you are Rose Tyler.”  He brought his hand up and traced her hair out of her face, behind her ear, his fingers traveling down her neck, rubbed little circles in the soft tissue.  “I need you to try to find me again. I know that right now it seems… absurd. Considering what he’s done. But when we both get down to the bare bone of it, we know exactly where we both would rather be, don’t we?”  Rose bit her lip, and nodded. “But, even if you don’t, you still need to find a way to live? And hopefully to be happy.” She squeezed her eyes shut at the prospect. No matter how she felt now, which in fact was quite dreadfully like she could never be happy again, she couldn’t give up.  If it took her a thousand years… there was a Doctor out there… somewhere, who still loved her. 

“What if it takes me too long?  We both know you. You’ll want to move on, for the sake of the universe if nothing else.”  She sought out the answer in his eyes, but instead he shrugged lightly.

“I don’t know.  I can’t know what I’ll be thinking sometime in the future.  In a new body. New experiences under my belt. Different pains.  Different strengths. But I do know one thing.”

“What’s that?” 

“You.  No matter what happens, I know you’ll do right by you.  And by me. You’ll know just what to do and say.” Rose saw the utter trust shining in his eyes, and she almost crumbled under it.  

“But what if I change?  I don’t know who I’ll be then either.”  The Doctor leaned in, kissed her forehead, as if saying that he accepted that too.  He always would accept her. When he pulled back, she just nodded at him. “Okay. I promise.”  At that a few more tears slipped down the Doctor’s face. Even after she said she wouldn’t, she still did.  He couldn’t take it anymore, he had to see that smile again. Had to feel her radiate that sunny disposition that he loved.  He thought she needed it too. So he did the cheesiest thing that came to mind. He sang.

“ _ And I…. will always, love you… _ ” She did laugh, a wet giggly noise that erupted across his senses.  Then she attacked his face. Their lips melded together, slipping passionately.  His tongue caressed her mouth and she opened it to him. Her tongue rose to play with his.  It wasn’t a battle so much as an embrace on every level. An utter acceptance, passion, and  _ love.   _ It was pure and as sad as it was, it was meant to be.  She broke away and trailed down his face, under his jaw to his neck.  She tasted the slight sheen of sweat and lost herself in his heady scent that was hidden just under the collar of his blue suit.  He pulled her back up and kissed her again, slow and sweet. Then he kissed each cheek, each eye, across her temple, on her nose, then back to her lips again.  Each kiss echoed back every promise he had ever made to her, promised her everything. “Everything.” He echoed, pulling back to see her eyes, which fluttered open slowly.  The pupils dilated with a need which he desperately yearned to chase. 

But there it was, in the back of his head.  Like a light switch teetering between off and on.  A moment to spare, a moment to give. And he had been lent so many moments.

“What’s everything?”  She mused, a happy love struck smile on her face as she finally pulled away from him, and turned to start walking back up the path.  He followed, smiling back.

“You are.”  She shot him the most cheeky smile and a little giggle burst out of him at the look.  “You’re everything.” Then the famous tongue touched smile graced her features. She looked so happy, so full of life in that moment.  It was time to let her go. 

“Oh don’t stop now.  Mr. Compliment. Forget Doctor, I’ll just call you  _ Kiss Arse _ for the rest.”  He laughed and she did too. 

“Yeah, well, we’ll see who’s kissing what when I beat you to the top.”  Her eyebrows raised at the challenge. 

“Fine.”  She said, then just for good measure she leaned in and kissed him, pulling away with reluctance. 

“I won’t go easy on you Rose.”  He warned, wagging a finger at her, the action making his ribs ache.  

“I said fine! On your mark, skinny boy.”  

“Oi! All right!  Allons-y!” Then they were off.

The Doctor was in the lead, riddled with pain and desperately trying not to show it.  Rose was only a breath behind him. Easily gaining and he let her. Then she was passing him, blonde hair swinging in the breeze, cheeks pink from the effort and the cold.  She laughed with triumph as she passed him and it made him smile, a pleasant warm feeling in his gut. He loved her. Loving her didn’t hurt. That was the only saving grace in all of this.  

It was leaving her that did.  He could feel the heat trickling into his optic nerves.  The synapses misfiring. Black started to crowd into his vision.  He tried to shove it away. He began to feel desperate, search for anything in him that would let him regenerate and stay by her side.  But he was slipping. His feet were numb, his hands were flapping. His chin felt prickly and so did the back of his head. Down his neck, the feeling slipped.  It wasn’t slow anymore. No, it was like a ball of snow, rolling down a hill, gathering more snow as it went. But he kept her in his vision, she didn’t slip, or fall.  She ran with confident, strong strides. It made him happy. She was strong. She could be happy again, he knew it. Even without him. She might even find someone else.

He hoped, that if it did take her a thousand years, she would find someone else.  But he really hoped it wouldn’t take so long. Even if they were human. She needed someone.  Not just anyone though. She needed someone to give her everything. That kind of someone to hold her hand, not someone who would ever hold her back.  She didn’t need someone as much as he did though. No, he changed his mind, he could take care of himself. He had to now. Or did he? He wasn’t sure anymore.  The air was ripping into his lungs like razor blades, and a few more haphazard tears fell down his face. All he knew was pain and that he was running. He was hot and there was a crunching sound beneath his feet, but it wasn’t a steady rhythm.  Or maybe his hearts was where the unsteadiness was coming from. No wonder it was unsteady, there was only one! In fact, why had he thought there was two? That would be silly. There was one, and it wasn’t doing him any favours currently. Pain surged into his chest cavity.  He felt it in his ribs surrounding his lungs and diaphragm. 

Maybe he wasn’t alone.  Why did he feel alone? There was a girl in front of him.  He could only see the back of her, but he just knew she was beautiful.  Somewhere, it was an absent and dark place though, but in that weird somewhere, he thought he could love her.  He didn’t think he had time for that though. Didn’t know where that thought came from either. Why was he running again?  Seemed a silly thing to do when he felt so very much… not like running. Oh yes, the girl. She was running too. Maybe that was why.  She probably wouldn’t mind if he just...

He slipped. 

.

.

.

***

“No Jake!! Not the yellow one!  That’s-... No it just freezes! Yeah-... Just like that one time with the potato looking aliens, yes…..No, mate, you want the  _ green _ one.  Yes, I’m sure…. Look-, No.  I’ve got it. I can mark that you took it from inventory from here...Yes!  I’ve got my laptop, what do you think I am, stupid? I went flouncing across the very walls between universes and forgot  _ this _ ??... Oi!  You’ve got a job to do, stop griping about me… Yep.  Thanks. Now get it done!” With that Mickey ended the call with a prod to his phone screen and tossed it onto the musty hotel bed.  Pete looked on from the rooms only easy chair with an amused smile and a silent laugh shaking his shoulders. 

“Have you two considered marriage?”  Pete asked, and Mickey scoffed at him.  Rolling his eyes.

“Yes, but we decided the others atrocious sense of style would simply drive us to divorce.  So why waste the city’s time with paperwork, eh?” Pete actually laughed at that, Mickey gave a wry smile then began to pull up the Torchwood archives and add in the inventory check out.  Sighing to himself he wondered why on earth Rose had insisted on such a complex system. It made the weapons and technology check out process so difficult. Just then Jackie burst in the door, phone in hand, purse slipping off her shoulder.

“I just got a call from the local sheriff.  He’s… collapsed and they’re trying to resuscitate him.  We need to-” Her voice broke off but the men were already in motion.  Mickey shut the laptop and Pete set aside his own paperwork. They both put on their shoes and coats as Jackie managed to continue.  “I couldn’t even understand her Pete.” Jackie’s hands shook, and Pete reached out to hold her together as Mickey tied his laces. “H-he said to get there as soon as we can… an-and to notify anyone else.” Jackie pulled back from Pete, met both of their eyes, and continued.  “She needs us. And we need to do right by her. I’m not gonna let her struggle through this like I did.” Images of her husband’s death and the days that followed flashed in her mind’s eye. Mickey saw the emotions start to take hold of Jackie so he ushered them both out of the room.

“Come on now.  No time to waste.”  He said gently, then Pete took Jackie’s hand as they set off down the hall.  Everything else was a blur. Few moments stood out like a painted window frame.  Specifically the feeling of that ride. It was stagnant. Pete and Jackie were tense and air was thick.  It was a moment where you almost felt as if part of you would be trapped there forever. It was a type of purgatory on the mortal plane.  The rush of trees and houses, the quiet of the car, the greyness of late winter starting to creep in. But the sun still shone, people still drove their cars, shopped for groceries. 

Mickey sent Jake a text.  Telling him it was happening.  But he couldn’t check the reply, he was lost to that car ride.  Staring into a blank existence, praying for it to come to an end yet dreading when it would.  What would they do next? How would she deal? Would she want to keep searching for a way across?  Or would this be it? 

Thoughts of hope and heroism floated across Mickey’s mind.  Maybe if the car moved a bit faster they would get there before he passed.  Maybe Mickey would just somehow, by some weird twist of luck, be able to save the Doctor.  He’d wave his hands over his still form and some latent powers he’d never used before would suddenly be activated under this dire need.  He’d never wished anything more in his life. Not either time his grandmum died. She was old, and she’d had her time. Not like the Doctor wasn’t even older, but Rose… Rose needed him.  Sure she could survive without him, but she wouldn’t live. She needed to live, because Rose, the real happy one that had been hidden away for so long, was so full of life to give she brought those around her to their fullest potential.  She brought others to life.

But Mickey Smith had the most sordid feeling she wouldn’t be able to bring the Doctor to life.

The car stopped.  Pete put on the parking brake and turned off the ignition.  The engine rumbled into silence, the wind whistled by the car.  They were at the base of a trail head. There were 3 different police cars too.  Mickey wondered if Rose had called the police. Or if… when he had collapsed… someone else had seen them.  

Jackie was out of the car first, Mickey lept into action after that too.  Pete trailing to catch up with them as Jackie strode straight up to the sheriff.

“I’m her mother.  Where is she.” The man was mildly startled, but then turned those eyes on them he had seen so many times.  It was pity.

“She’s over by the bay.  We’ve got an officer watching her… just in case.  She was… volatile at first but then she just got so quiet.  We were worried.” Jackie nodded and her eyes went in search of her daughter.  Pete stepped up, a hand on Jackie’s shoulder but his eyes connected with the officer.

“Is he..?”  Pete couldn’t voice it.  The officer studied his eyes, then turned to Mickey.  He simply nodded. 

“The paramedics did their best, but they weren’t able to revive him.  I’m sorry.” Here he paused, as if searching for the next words. It suddenly hit Mickey that english wasn’t his first language, and he thanked their lucky stars that most Europeans learned it from a young age anyway.  “They think one of the primary arteries in his heart burst. He died instantly, probably painless in the end.” 

“Thank you.”  Pete said, Mickey looked over at Jackie, she had tears rolling down her face and a hand covering her mouth as Pete turned them both away.  They went off, towards where the officer had said Rose was… but Mickey stayed. He didn’t know why. The sheriff gave him and inquisitive look, but Mickey was just numb.  He had to call Jake, confirm to set the plans in motion. Maybe some place in the back of his head he was screaming about how unfair this all was, but he was utterly calm instead.  Pain was piercing his heart in bursts, it ached for Rose. A migraine began to form. Mickey swallowed and nodded at the sheriff, then turned away. Walking after the Tylers. He needed a moment, and so did they.  To be with Rose. Rose would want Jackie anyway, not him at first.

With every step closer to the water his heart seemed to beat again, but he wished it wouldn’t.  Cause everything hurt. Finally he allowed himself to think about how he felt. That was when the pain cascaded inside of him like a firework.  But instead of sparkles and feelings of joy, he was left with wisps of smoke, held together by only the dark sky and the awe of the situation. 

Mickey owed the Doctor a lot.  Despite whisking his girlfriend away, and calling him by the wrong names, he set off the catalyst that would change him into the man he was now.  And he was damn proud of who he was now. No longer would he cling to Rose’s legs, afraid of the unknown, but he would face it with her. Proud to have the face to do it, even if the child in him still quaked from time to time.  His time traveling with Rose and the Doctor, then fighting the Cyberman on his own in this world, it had hardened him. He was brave now. Rose kept him grounded and compassionate, sure. But he had everything to thank of the man in the body bag in the back of the white ambulance.  Stark contrast to who he was in life, it would never fill the real picture of him. He knew that really… the Doctor wasn’t actually dead. He was still off gallivanting somewhere, without a know or care in the world for what happened to Rose and his double over here. So for all it was worth, the real Doctor had ended up with him.  Now he was gone. And he hadn’t even gotten a full week. 

The smoke dispersed and a bubble filled him, threatening to pop.  It would leak up his throat, steal his voice and his vision. But no, no.  He wouldn’t lose it. He was strong. He unlocked his phone as he stepped onto the rocks by the beach, selected Jake’s name.  It barely went for a half a ring. 

“It’s happened.  Contact the local authorities.  Get it all sorted, all right?”

_ “Sure thing Micks.  Whatever you need...Are you guys all good?” _

“No.”

_ “Got it.  No other casualties though… right?” _  Mickey’s eyes caught sight of Rose curled up on the beach, face pressed into her knees, Jackie’s form lumped onto to the side of her.  Rose’s shoulders visibly shaking them both.

“It hurts.  But We’ll make it, I hope.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to contact you again but thank you.  We should see you in a few days.”

_ “Right yeah.  Hey Mickey?” _

“Yeah Jake?”

_ “I’m sorry, ya know.  I know he meant...a lot…. Tell Rose I’m sorry too.  We’re all just so damn sorry.”  _ Mickey nodded at the sentiment, even though Jake couldn’t hear him.  Tears started to leak down his face, and in a way it felt good. He hastily wiped his face and stopped walking about 30 feet from the little family. 

“Thanks.”  Then the call was over, the phone back in his pocket, and Mickey Smith starred on forlornly at nothing.  He hurt, all over. It felt like the smoke had take over his joint now, like he was held together so loosely someone could just come and blow him over.  There was one resounding thought echoing in his head:  _ this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. _

He approached Rose and lobbed himself onto the side Jackie wasn’t holding.  Rose was crying, wailing almost, hiccuping. It made him feel worse, but he didn’t cry anymore, just held her and kissed her head.  Nothing in the world could make this better right now. Only the eventual march of time would make this pain slightly more distant with each passing day.  

He supposed he better start counting the minutes now.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Cont: (Please feel free to NOT read all of this, and just leave some feedback! I would love to hear from you all, and will respond to you in turn.) I have been messing with this chapter for months, and I finally came to the point where I was absolutely done with fiddling, and knew no matter what I did it was never going to be perfect. This is hands down the hardest thing I've ever had to bring myself to write. So, I would love feed back but please be kind as it comes from a really personal place. You know I love you all dearly, and I love these two dearly so just know that I won't let them suffer forever. But I also am trying to bring a semblance of reality to this dysfunctional fictional world. Some of you may wonder why I wrote the end of the chapter from Mickey's point of view... and I wish I knew really why too. I think... eventually, when she's ready... Rose is gonna share what it was like for her, that moment. But for now... these 'flashbacks' to Rose's life right after the Doctor left her again, are more than just Rose's point of view. Because even though this story is VERY Doctor/Rose centric, we're eventually gonna be seeing a lot more characters that aren't them. Also, yes I know Mickey technically stayed in the Prime Universe after Journey's End, but as I hinted at in my story, we kinda broke into an alternate universe. Rose having been altered by Bad Wolf more than was ever shown in canon, Mickey is the only one who knows the extent of that. So he couldn't leave her yet. That's also why the Doctor and Rose were talking about, somewhere they got their happy ending. I have to firmly believe that they are completely happy, smitten little things in canon. I can't bare the thought of anything else.  
> Anyway, if you wanna come bug me on tumblr to keep updating my user is 4nticipati0n. (or on twitter SeralinaLyn) Please feel free to pester me with motivation. The next chapters should flow a bit easier, but this one was just so hard.  
> And if anyone of you would be interested in beta-ing this story, please DM me!
> 
> Thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart. I never thought I would find so much of a home in writing fanfiction.
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> Seralina


	13. More Minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I did a really quick edit on this one so PLEASE excuse any mistakes. I wanted to make sure I posted a month after my last chapter because... consistency is nice, right? Haha. Anyway, I've realized while making this that I've never expressed any of my face claims for the may iterations of Fable/Rose. So just to be clear, the current face she is using is Meg Foster. Somewhere circa her Hercules and Xena Warrior Princess days where she was playing Hera. If you don't know who that is... or if you do... you will understand why I so frequently reference her eyes after seeing her. God damn they are like LASERS OF BLUE PERFECTION. I think her and Peter Capaldi would have been a good match, lol. If the other faces of Fable pop back up I'll be sure to mention their FC's. I know it's not necessary, but some people find that stuff nice! Thanks to those of you who reviewed last chapter, ya'll are SERIOUSLY the best! This one is shorter than the last one, but it's finally getting a little bit more about exterior conflict instead of just all that interior angst I just love to stew my characters in. ENJOY THE READ!

 

_More Minutes_

 

The wearier looking, grey haired Doctor slammed the books he had been reading closed as he felt the slightest tremor rock the room around him.  He ran for the console and thanks to his double respiratory bypass he wasn’t out of breath when he reached the cavernous room. He just knew something was up and not just because they had suddenly taken off, or because it had taken hours for anything to happen.  He felt the ship land with a hum as the raven haired woman at the controls threw up, what he assumed, was the parking break just as he arrived.

“It’s funny how... when I don’t remember anything, my ship does it for me.”  The Doctor closed his eyes at the sound of the southern english lilt. She picked every word and formed every syllable carefully.  But her back was still to him when he opened his eyes. So he ascended the short steps, face looking harrowed and confused. “I was hungry.  This whole ‘reordering my thoughts’ thing, its put me at quite the energy deficit.” The Doctor looked on baffled. Her face was stoic with a hint of mischief in her eyes as she examined him closely.  His mouth hung open, unable to think of anything under the gaze of those piercing blue eyes, threatening to be familiar but only haunting him with the memory of chocolate. It felt wrong. It wasn’t like he didn’t feel the same about her since she looked different, because that would _seriously_ make him a hypocrite.  He had many friends and lovers over the years who changed their face.   His wife, his children, his best friend. But this was different. It felt like a thick pair of sunglasses over her beautifully expressive eyes.

It was at this point the Doctor realized she had been waiting for him to speak.

“Hungry?”  And it came out dry and strained.  “You want food?” He couldn’t help but wonder why she had to leave the Stardis for that.  But she chuckled drily, giving him a curious look that was closer to happy than anything else he had seen in her eyes since she had remembered.  A shadow over the truth. He wasn’t quite sure where that idea was coming from.

“No, course not.  I already did that.”  But she didn’t elaborate past that leaving him to balk at her.  She rolled her eyes at him, a smirk tugging at her lips as she crossed her arms over her chest.  The she pointedly looked at him them looked at the doors exiting the ship. The Doctor’s eyebrows furrowed in concentration.  “Penny in the air…” She said softly. The Doctor’s eyes moved back and forth between her and the door until finally his mouth popped open and a sound of understanding flew out.  “Penny drops.” She smiled, a real smile for the first time in a while, causing the few laugh lines around her eyes to crinkle more and the folds around her smile to accentuate its importance.  

“You mean an adventure.”  His eyebrows rose in excitement, waggling, and he pointed at her then the door casually.  She nodded, amused that he was the slow one this time, reminding her of their first adventure and the _great big round thing that must be completely invisible_.  “Oh.  Goody.” His scottish accent thickened as he took a step closer to her and whispered in a conspiratorial voice.  “But I don’t remember agreeing to this.” She gave him an annoyed look before turning on her heel ad walking toward the door.

“You can just stay here then.”  Just like that she was walking down the ramp and toward the door.  The Doctor hesitated for only a moment before scrambling after… her.  He really should ask what he could call her. He caught her arm just as she was about to slip out the doors.  She looked down at the contact confused but didn’t pull away. The Doctor tried really hard to not analyze how it felt.  

“That’s not what I meant.”  He spoke gently but she was still staring at his hand on her arm, so he let go and she eventually looked up at him.  That piercing blue gaze softened when it looked at him this time. They were close. On the fringe of adventure. His pulse increased marginally.  “I don’t know what I should call you.” At that she let out a breath, looking slightly dazed.

“What do you want to call me?”  For the tiniest fraction of a moment her eyes flicked down to his lips.  The Doctor swallowed thickly and searched her eyes. He wanted to call her, sure.  Every single day for the rest of time he wanted her around, just a breath away. So, to him, it didn’t matter if she wanted to be called Fred, or Sequin, or the entirety of Edgar Allen Poe’s _The Raven_ … he would recite it from memory and nevermore question her henceforth.  She took in his face as it lapsed into deep thought, it made a mirthful smirk twinkle in her eyes.  “Why don’t we just see what comes out first then?”

“Wait! Now.. that’s not fair!”  The Doctor exclaimed but she was already gone, leaving him to follow on the coattails of her laughter.  The Doctor dodged out the door after her but was surprised when it slid shut of its own volition. The door blended seamlessly with the bark of the Stardis.  He stood in awe for a moment before turning to take in the world they had landed on.

She was watching his face, which dropped into awe then opened into a giddy smile.  It was a forest of beautiful trees, branches drooping like willow trees with star-lits of multi-colored light adorning the curves and tips like pin pricks.  The bark was a faint grey like an overcast sky on Earth. Then the grass flowed between muted green and purple with one color on either side of the whispering blades shaped akin to crabgrass.  Just beyond the grove of trees where they had landed was a trading post. Large and small curving ships hovered in the air, dotting the dark sky with their sleek designs. Three moons shone brightly over head leaving no need for lights among the buildings or  people. Even the buildings appeared to glow from within. Then the Doctor’s gaze fell on her face and he took pause. The way the world around them glowed off of her fair features, the delight in her eyes, she glowed in all the ways the forest around them could never.  It was a picturesque moment, their first step together again and he was in awe, just like he had been the first time. He was sure the look on his face was reverent.

“What’s it called?”  The Doctor asked, taking in the beautiful sights with a breath of fresh air.

“Lunasolaris Alpha.” She responds smiling at the look of awe on his face.  She’d traveled the multiverse for so many hundreds of years with dozens of companions but none of that had quite given her the same feelings as showing the Doctor.  Her heart beat faster, her temperature rose. When the Doctor had turned to look at her, her breath caught in her throat. The glow of the surface casting a warm blue on his weathered features.  Yet he looked so handsome with that wild, curly, grey hair… those deep, sad eyes… the slight up turn of pouty lips.

“It’s beautiful.”  He tells her, eyes wandering her face.  She feels her cheeks heat and a little shy smile grace her lips.  Sure, the planet was gorgeous but the look on her face made his hearts stutter.  She would always be _it_ for him.  He smiled a tentative

thing, like the truce he could feel hanging in the air.

“Yeah, it is.”  She smiled and reached her hand out for his, wiggling her fingers in invitation.  The Doctor looked at it with shock and quickly slipped his fingers between hers.

There could have been a welcome mat in front of them declaring the truth of this moment, because he knew every step he took with her hand in his, he was home.

“Rose.”  He whispered, like a promise not to let her down.

“So… you’ve decided that I _am_ Rose?”  She smirked at him.

“Just like something else, that’s something that could never truly change.  No matter what face you wear.” Rose didn’t ask what the something else was, she could tell from his eyes and the squeeze of their hands together.

“Good.”  She says, then looks him up and down.  “Now let’s not ruin this with anymore mush.  Come on!” Then she’s tugging his hand and they’re moving out of the little woods to the trading post.  The place is bustling with beings and life. Not just humanoid shapes either. Rose leads the way, passing several of the smaller shops till she comes to one seemingly made of white granite, sparkles and all.  Rose ducks through the beaded curtain and a well dressed being in a tailored vest and flowing white shirt pops up.

“Hanstable’s Hansom Stables!  What can I do for y-” Then he pauses his droll welcome and warmth melts into his tritone eyes.  His skin is a pale brown and his hair is stark white which seems to glow blue from, what the Doctor can only guesstimate, is exposure to the planet.  

“Fable!”  The man greets warmly, coming around his little counter to give Rose a hug.  Rose drops the Doctor’s hand to return the embrace and they both kiss each other on the cheek at the same time.  Then the man giggles. “I’ve got the famous Fable back in my stable! Ooooh!” Here he shivers with pleasure. “That rhymes.”  Then he boops her on the nose and she smiles. He turns with a flourish to the Doctor and gives him a scrutinizing look. “And who is this chapless chap you’ve brought with you?”  The man’s eyes positively twinkle. Then he circles the Doctor like a vulture. For some reason The Doctor is reminded of a quartet of them singing about friendship.

“Hanstable, this is the Doctor… he’s an old...friend of mine.”  Rose answers, and Hanstable nods, turning back to the Doctor once before glancing at Rose with a curious expression.

“How old?”  He muses.

“Very old.”  She responds and he giggles clapping his hands together softly.

“Oh peachy!  I do so love drama.”  Then he finally leaves the Doctor’s personal space.  “And what about you deary? You don’t seem quite the same.”  He puts his finger to his chin and studies her, albeit from a further distance than with the Doctor.

“How do you mean?”  Rose says with a plastered on smile.

“Just… fuller.  Deeper. Heavier almost.”  He pauses and does a weird head tilt.  “Like all those fairy tales you’re in just got much longer.”  Then he giggles that trill little thing yet again, and the Doctor has to refrain from groaning.  “The Fabled Woman: Extended Edition!”

“Right.”  Rose drawls out, looks to the Doctor, then back to the strange being.  “May we have whatever your readiest transport is?” She asks much more politely than the Doctor would have managed in her shoes.  The strange little creature pouted. “Please Hans?” Then ‘Hans’ sighed.

“Yes, your greatness.  But I request a story as payment.”  The Doctor raises his eyebrows at the title, while Rose simply shrugs; acquiescing.  “Will Rhythm Bikes do?” Hans does a mock bow as he asks this, and a wicked excited grin plays on Rose’s lips.

“We’ll manage.” With Rose’s response Hanstable returns the smile, holds up a singular finger, then disappeared through a colorful tapestry.  With Hans out of the room the Doctor felt more free to observe the shop. Which, except for the bench like seating opposite the counter Hanstable had been behind… was empty.  

“So how long have you known…?”  The Doctor gestured to indicate who he meant, though how he could’ve possibly been asking about anyone else was beyond Rose.  She shrugged one shoulder.

“Over a few hundred years on and off.”  She crosses her arms then leans a hip against the counter.  

“He’s a bit… inquisitive.”  The Doctor takes two long strides to be able to lean on the counter as well with a playful glance at Rose.  She smiles her voice dropping into a whisper.

“He’s nosey.” They both laugh lightly.  Then Hans is back with a swish of fabric. There’s a gilded air as he checks his pocket watch and declares:

“They shall be ready momentarily.”  Then he slips the device back into his vest and smiled a haughty smile.  “And now…” He steeples his fingers together. “The payment.” The Doctor could swear he saw one of his teeth flash in a way Max Capricorn’s once had.  Rose sighs and drums her fingers on the smooth surface of the counter once.

“Well, there was this one time on a renegade asteroid tha-”

“Ah, ah, ah deary!  I don’t want just any old story.”  He wags a finger at her and Rose gives him a look of unrestrained, utter annoyance that clearly makes the tweaky guy uncomfortable.  He laughs nervously and pulls at his collar.

“What type of story, _Hanstable_?”  Rose says this through gritted teeth.  It’s a clear warning not to ask too much of her or she may smite him on the spot.  Like the howls in the distance of a hungry wolf pack. Despite Hans’ near sniveling hyperventilation the Doctor is impressed when he presses on.

“Simple, really.  Just the story of how you two met.”  He holds up his hands defensively, the air is quiet.  Neither the Doctor or Rose breathe. Hans looks nervously between the two while the Doctor watches Rose, hoping this isn’t too much to rock their boat, Hans’ antics aside.  Hoping against all hope that this isn’t the thing that makes Rose need space permanently.

“Fine.”  She growls, a tight smile on her face, her shoulders tense.  On instinct he reaches out and grabs the hand clenched by her side.  For a few seconds she doesn’t grab back. Her eyes meet his and he fears he’s overstepped his bounds.  But then her ice thaws, her eyes soften, and her hand squeezes back. The Doctor gives her a little smile then she turns back to their present company.  “He blew up my job. A long time ago I worked in a department store… it had been invaded by hostile beings. He blew it up to stop the threat. I almost died at the hands of plastic but instead he saved me and made me run for my life.”  Then she shrugged as if that was all there was to it. Hans looked ruffled, he opened his mouth to ask a question or demand more but he never got that far, the Doctor beat him to it.

“Then, to top it all off, I found her again by accident, she forced her help on me, which in the end was very needed because she saved my life and defeated the antagonists with a bit of acrobatics.  Then I asked her to travel with me… but she said no.” The Doctor spared a wary glance to Rose who was giving him a look he couldn’t read. Hans had his hand over his mouth as he ruminated. The Doctor could feel Rose watching him as Hanstable’s hand came off his mouth.  “No questions, please.” The Doctor held up a placating hand. So the white haired man turned to Rose, but she cut him off too.

“Are the bikes ready?  We have some fairly important business to attend to.”  Hans pouted but put his hand back over his mouth and nodded.  Then he gestured to the door and said pleasantly through his fingers.

“Your wheels await.”  The pair nodded and turned heel, the sound of plastic beads clinking behind them echoed in their ears.

In front of them were two sleek looking motorbikes.  One glowed red while the other gave off an ice blue. Both had helmets strung over the handlebars.  Rose approached the blue and snagged the helmet. The Doctor smiled at her, the light blue glowed in her eyes of the same color.  Her pale skin with raven hair looked exquisite and her excitement was contagious.

“You look beautiful.”  He told her softly as he too grabbed his helmet, fiddling with the buckle.  Rose flushed pleasantly and tucked her hair out of the way of her helmet.

“And you can’t even qualify that with ‘ _for a human_ ’ this time.”  The Doctor smiled, bashful, and looked down to affix his own helmet.

“I was quite the leather clad idiot back then.”  he swung his leg over his bike, Rose did the same and gave him a little shrug.

“Idunno, you had a sort of goofy charm back then.” She started her bike and revved it.  A warm feeling flooded the Doctor at the sight of her confidently astride the bike, “Oh and, by the way, these are controlled by your cardiac rhythm.  So I hope you’ve managed to conquer regulating your two.” Then she smirked at him the most devious thing and a visor of pure, glossy black shimmered into place over her face.  Rose sped off and the Doctor laughed.

“Oh, I am so buggered.”  Then his visor shimmered over his eyes as he toyed with the bike controls.  He revved the engine to test the power then took off.. At a much too quick pace that had him popping an unintentional wheelie.  He took his hand off the speed and grimaced at the giggling shoppers. He took a deep breath, regulated his pulse, then started off again at a more regular pace.  He was soon hot after Rose’s trail slowly ascending into the mountain pass.

***

Hanstable glimpsed through his beaded curtain as the Doctor finally managed his way.  Then he quickly went behind his desk and pulled out an elliptical shape similar to a laptop.  It was all flat and sleek silver metal, but a bit out of date. But so was the being who had given it to him.  A flashing green underscore appeared on the screen, and a small series of beeps indicated that the connection was secure.  He typed quickly, a nervous tick in the set of his frown. A sad grumbling feeling in the pit of his stomach. His finger hesitated over the glowing ‘send’ button.  Then he tapped it.

 _Message Sent_.

Only a few second later a smiley face was sent back.  Nothing else.

***

The little trading post was fading behind them.  The glowing lights were as mystical as ever, the only non mystical part of this adventure was the dust he was inhaling from Rose’s bike.  Her speed was fast and strong while he was dearly struggling to keep up. He couldn’t get his speed regulated, and he seriously suspected that had something to do with the bikes not being the most compatible with two hearted beings.  Which would just mean the Doctor would be having a few choice words with _Hans_ upon their return.

Rose glanced back and noticed the Doctor was still a few hundred feet behind her.  The front tire of his bike occasionally wobbling. She knew it wouldn’t be long until one of two things happened.  Either the Doctor finally got the hang of the bike and left her in the dust because, after all, he had two hearts and could easily be faster than her.  Or he cheated by whipping out his sonic and messing with the bike settings.

But after seeing the Doctor completely tip his bike after twenty-five minutes into the ride, Rose laughed and circled back to the rumpled Time Lord.  She was still laughing as she put her bike in park and left it against a tree. She took a moment to take in the gorgeous surroundings. Over the edge of the road she could see the post lit up by spaceships a few hundred feet below them.  Then the trees behind her sloping steeply up the mountainside, not just the same glowing kind, but all types of alien trees with interesting looking fruits, drupes, and seeds hanging from them. Then there was the Doctor, who looked absolutely discordant among all this symmetrical beauty.  Flopped on the ground like a sad pike.

The Doctor’s bike lay in the middle of the bypass, sleek chrome resting in the grey dust, lights blinking out the red hazard of an accident.  Although the error was completely due to operator, Rose was positive on that. The Doctor lay a few feet over from that on his back, helmet smudged and scraped, coated in a grainy grey all over, and breathing heavily.  Rose shook her head, still laughing quietly to herself as she deactivated her helmet and slung it onto her handlebars.

A few short steps and she was next to him, then she crouches and taps the button on his helmet so she can deactivate his visor.  Frustrated green eyes appear as the tint disperses like a puff of smoke. She chuckles at him and rests her elbows on her bent knees.

“Trouble?”  She wonders not-so-innocently and she is very amused to find his eyebrows can furrow even further than she originally thought possible.  

“I’m too old for this.”  he grumbles out and she can’t help but smile.  Turns out it’s contagious as the flu of her happiness catches on his face and eventually is cured with laughter.  They laugh together as the Doctor slides off his helmet. Eventually the mirth dies off.

“Alright, help me up kid.”  Rose is already extending her hand and grasps the Doctor’s as she stands then pulls.  She scoffs at him.

“I’m not a kid, we’re the same age.”  It’s only an off-handed comment, but it’s hit them both in an off-key way.  When the Doctor is standing fully he regards her remorsefully.

“Sorry, I keep forgetting.” Then he drops her hand as though he doesn’t deserve to hold it and looks down to his helmet in the other hand.  Rose swallows down the air that has quickly grown thick and awkward. It frustrates her.

“What would help?”  her tone isn’t frustrated, just tired.  Even though they’ve barely begun to have these types of conversations she already feels worn down and beaten.  His eyes come back up to her confused.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what would help you to remember that I’m not the same person you left on a cold grey beach twice.”  Rose notices her tone turning bitter and quickly takes a breath to calm herself. “I’ve lived over twenty lifetimes, Doctor.”  He sighs, frustrated with himself.

“I know that, Rose.”  She looks at him aghast, feeling slightly patronized and is at least slightly pleased the Doctor has the decency to look shameful.

“So tell me what to do!”  Her volume increases, control slipping, and the Doctor meets her eyes out of respect for the power he can feel beginning to emit from her.  “Because I can’t keep being around you if you keep acting like I’m made of glass.” She shakes her head and takes a step closer, the Doctor’s hearts are pounding into his ribcage.  “I’m not some fragile human anymore, Doctor! I’m two thousand years old, just like you. I’ve been widowed, just like you. I’ve lost children and my home, just like you! I’ve seen world’s fall, hell I’ve had a hand in it!”  The fire in Rose’s eyes is dark. So haunted and aching and old. Familiar. She takes another step closer to him and they’re so close now she can feel his heartbeats. One swift moment and she’s taken both his hands, his helmet forgotten even before the sound of it hitting the ground reaches their ears.  Rose places the Doctor’s hands on her cheeks.

This form of hers is only marginally taller than her true one, but she’s still craning her neck to stare straight up into his aged green eyes.  

“I’m not glass.”  She says softly, the momentary fury abated, there’s still a whisper of gold floating in her pupils like a sparkler that’s almost gone out.  His hands feel so warm against her face, held by her hands. His thumbs stroke her cheek bones, his heart constricts.

“I know, believe me I know.”  Then he sighs and places his forehead against hers.  Rose’s breath hitches, both their eyes fall closed. “But you have to understand, that even though I’m a being of time that this is hard to comprehend.  Not the fact that you’ve aged.” Here the Doctor starts to run one of his hands through her hair and pulls back so he can meet her eyes. Her hand slides to his wrist at the comforting action and her glowing eyes pop open to meet his.  “It’s that I feel like I’ve failed you. You’ve lived over here, without me, for centuries and I had no clue. Remembering that I’ve failed you so badly… hurts.” His hand carefully cards out of her hair and he places it on her neck. “You’ve got to know, that had I known you were over here suffering.  That you weren’t just over here living the perfect domestic life with a version of me… I would have come for you.” He loses himself in those eyes, he sees how hope starts to dance in them for the first time since they had clouded over, heralded by the overcast of a doubled lifetime in an instant. “But I’ll try harder, _I promise you that Rose Tyler_.”  Rose nods and hums to him something she thinks conveys that she’s okay with this as her eyes drop closed.

She feels him lean in, pulling lightly on her neck which feels unseasonably warm.  Her whole chest cavity feels tingly. His cool breath blows a tiny current of breeze on her forehead.  Then she can feel his lips pressing against that same spot. Her hand squeezes his wrist tight as he holds the kiss for a moment then pulls away.  His shoes scuff on the hard ground with the step he needs to control himself. Rose let’s her hands drop to her sides, eyes still closed she swallows,  then begins to open her eyes.

A branch snaps off to her left which makes her jump and swivel her head to look, curious brows drawing together.

“I think we should-”  She starts to say as she turns back to the Doctor, but instead she’s met with the stretch of dusty grey she had been admiring earlier.  

“Doctor?”  She calls doing a double and triple take.  Then she spins in a full circle like a dog chasing its tail.

“Doctor!”  She shouts, concern flooding her eyes.  His bike lays on the road behind her red lights still flashing, his helmet just in front of her on it’s side, her bike parked just a bit over.

“Bollocks!”  She curses and drops her head, thoughts swimming over what could have possibly just happened, how he just appeared to vanish from one instant to the next, when she notices the shoe prints.

The perfectly shaped, watery looking, size ten _shoe prints_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N cont: WELL WHAT DID YOU THINK? Do you like Lunasolaris Alpha? Do you enjoy all the random references? Who else really loves that vulture song? Anyway, please leave some reviews down below! Just like 'the wire', I'm hungry for reviews! FEED ME.


	14. Wavering World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I tried to get this posted before the new episode came out in the US... SO CLOSE!! Anyway, I'm now 3/3 for uploading once a month!!! Are you guys proud of me??? This chapter is a tad bit shorter, but it felt like a good stopping place, so I stopped! So enjoy your reading!! I hope you like all of my other fandom references... there's like... 3 or 4. woo! Anyway, please review when you get to the bottom!! I love any critiques, criticisms, or encouragements.

  
_ Wavering World _

Rose knelt down by the strange marks on the ground surely left by the Doctor as a result of whatever transport had caused him to leave.  She held her hand over the puddles and felt warmth surge into it. For a moment webbings of gold appeared in her periphery as her palm glowed.  The scene replayed what she had missed by looking away. A black shadow engulfed the Doctor only where he stood, then like a stone tossed into a still pond it rippled out of existence, taking the Doctor with it.  Her power receded and for a moment her raven hair flashed golden and her skin looked like sun caught dust motes. 

This form of transport wasn’t unfamiliar to her, but it was nasty and outlawed in 5 galaxies.  She stood and looked straight up. No ships immediately in front of her, or above her. Transport like that was limited to less than twelve kilometres so he couldn’t have gotten far.  

That aside, the big problem was  _ why _  the Doctor had been taken.  He wasn’t of this universe, had no unfilled ledgers with anyone, not to mention Luna Solaris was a peaceful level six planet.  A completely neutral territory for trading. Immigration was a bit tight, but tourist season boomed.

It wasn’t like any species was barred either, and it wasn’t like the Doctor had offended anyone (yet) that would cause them to be thrown in jail (again).  Rose tried to push away the panic and fear coupled with adrenaline that spiked her blood like a fruit cocktail. This was just like when  _ any _ companion wandered off or was held captive.  She just had to keep telling herself that. She’d dealt with this a million times. 

But she hadn’t… not really.

A few times a very long time ago, she had thought the Doctor wouldn’t return.  Sure, there were plenty of times where  _ she _ had wandered off… but that was always  _ different _ .  When he had been eaten by a reaper… it felt like shock.  Like this couldn’t be possible because he was too strong, too smart, too… eternal.  He would come back.

When he regenerated it felt like he was gone even when he was right next to her. 

Then there was the time she’d waited five and a half hours with Mickey, constantly defending an alien git who’d gone off to snog a french mistress.  That had stung with an aching hollow feeling. Rose remembered the metallic taste in her mouth and the tingling heat in her fingertips. When he had finally come back she had been so angry and yet he had been so sad it had all fizzled.

In retrospect those had been such small problems.

None of those times had felt like the utter dread, panic, and frenzy she had faced on Krop Tor.  She was forever grateful that little slice of hell had fallen into a black hole.

Then there were the times she had had to save  _ him _ .

That one time in Ancient Rome when he’d been a statue and all of the other crazy that trip had been.  Then the 2012 Olympics had really tested her strength and knowledge.

But she wasn’t that naive human girl anymore.  She’d been traveling on her own for years, she’d been the shepherd to the galaxy for many companions. Despite all that a type of worry she hadn’t felt in centuries entered her.  It assuaged all her senses and made her struggle to stay calm. The more feral parts of the wolf in her tried to bare their teeth all because she had come to the realization that this hadn’t ever happened before.  

Someone had taken the Doctor to get to her.  And only one person in this quadrant of the galaxy would have even an inkling that he mattered to her.

Hanstable.

Fury bubbled up inside her and the hairs on the back of her neck rose up with the feeling of someone watching.  She needed answers  _ now _ .  She re-mounted her bike and sped off.

* * *

The Doctor came to with the sensation of his whole body sloshing.  The kind you get when you drink a lot of liquids and your stomach feels like the ocean.  Except he could feel that sensation everywhere. From his eyeballs to his brain, his throat full of nausea and muscles all pudding.  His toes squished in his shoes.

He really was the pudding brains he had made fun of now.  He wiggled his fingers and got the distinct feeling of vinyl.  His eyes flickered open and the Doctor struggled to find what the last thing he remembered was.  All the while he could feel his body solidifying more and more till finally he was sure he was one regular Timelord again.  For what felt like the millionth time in his life he was glad he wasn’t a human whose body was 70% water or he would not have survived the H20port.  

The room that greeted him was sideways.  Only until he realized his head was still slumped over… at which point he pulled it upright and really began to examine the room.  Deep red walls with black wood floors, trimmed in equally black crown molding. There was no ceiling just an expansive view of the night sky which the Doctor suspected was a live projection rather than a window.  

Windows in rooms where you’re holding someone captive just screamed trouble.  Then he looked down at himself where he found he had been correct in guessing vinyl.  The chair he was in was a shiny black, high backed armchair. Now this would have been splendid accommodations to wake up to had he not been securely fastened.  He was held across his chest, biceps, forearms, thighs, and shins with vinyl arms steadfastly squeezing him to the squeaky material. The fingers interlocked together over each midway point.

So, overall, it was rather unnerving.  He shifted slightly and felt the arms grasp tighter; pulling on his flesh, surely leaving finger sized bruises.  

Ah.  Lovely.  His restraints and chair were alive.

The Doctor shuddered.

_ Creepy _ .

He couldn’t feel either of his sonic devices in his jacket so at present he was rightly screwed.

Returning to the room at large he noticed a phonograph.  The brass of it well polished, but still aged. It was merged with a cherry wood cabinet which was intricately carved with lattice work, vines, and rings that made target like shapes on each corner.  The table and disk portion currently held no record but the Doctor suspected that the cabinet would tilt open to reveal an interesting selection. 

The room smelled like manufactured air that was often found on 51st century spaceships.  It also had no visible doors or windows which probably meant the entire thing was an illusion.  He could very well be being watched at this very moment.

Time to use his trademark ‘get out of bad situations with no plan’ tool.

His gob.

“To the entity that has placed me in this room, I would like to converse!  Seeing as I am awake now and wonderfully accommodated. Who am I to thank for this?”  There was a hissing, like someone letting out air, then a response.

“The master will come speak with you when he wants.  You need not ask for audience, it is useless.” The whisper had a weird creaking sound to it and seemed to come from slightly above and slightly behind the Doctor.  A groan of realization came from the Doctor and he dropped his head. 

“Please don’t tell me I’m speaking to the chair.”  The Doctor whispered, eyes closed and now thoroughly uncomfortable despite how comfy the chair was.  A rumbling surrounded him and he got the distinct impression he was being laughed at but no verbal response came.  Just as well. A chair had just laughed at him.

So with no one to talk to but the chair, and the strong desire not to feel that rumbling voice vibrating his arse… talking was not his way out.  Or at least it wasn’t until this ‘Master’ deigned him worthy of address. A horrible shudder ripped through him making him desperately hope there wasn’t versions of  _ everyone _ from the prime universe in Pete’s World.  The Doctor couldn’t help but regret not asking Rose sooner how similar this universe was to their original one.  Specifically asking whether or not there were Timelords would have been a great question.

Not to mention there was still the question of how Rose had such an extended lifespan.  A quick stab of worry went through him as he thought about Rose. Had she been taken too?  Was she hurt? Was she looking for him? Was she worried about him? He was worried, that was for certain.  

Last thing he had said was that he promised to try harder, be better at remembering how far she had come.  He had kissed her. She had clung to him, squeezing his wrists, holding him to her forehead just a moment longer.  It had made his heart beat faster and his thoughts go rosey… then he’d stepped back because if he hadn’t he would have jumped right over their carefully drawn boundary line.

Her eyes were still closed when he started to feel like he was swimming.  His entire view of her was wavey and watery… then he’d blacked out. The Doctor could only hope above all other meager things that he had been the intended target.  

Even though that didn’t make any sense.  He hadn’t angered anyone on this planet and no one had kicked off at him...yet…besides Rose.  So if him being the target didn’t make any sense that only left one option.

Bait.

Something on this planet had been lying in wait for Rose.  She said she’d been here before, she even knew people here.  She even seemed like she might be a regular visitor. 

So then it was all up to her.  He had faith she would be able to find him and stop whatever was planned.  The only thing he was worried about was Rose getting hurt. He had no idea what the motive was, but people who stooped to kidnapping tended to be similar types of people.

A loud sound of air decompressing, then a sharp hiss broke the silence in the room.  Directly in front of the Doctor a section of wall about two and a half metres tall by one and a half metres wide moved toward the Doctor.  Smoke leaked from the edges, and then poured out of the opening as the door slid to the left leaving a dark opening shrouded in smoke. 

Whoever they were they knew how to make an entrance… or how to distract him while he was poisoned with with gas.  The Doctor gave a quick sniff of the air but determined it was safe.

Footsteps, sharp sounds of hard shoes met his ears, like high heels but the sound was… wider.

“Everyone told me I was an idiot for thinking I would ever find out anything about her past.”  The American voice was deep but cheery and achingly familiar. It made the Doctor’s brain itch just trying to place it.  “But I just  _ knew _ if I set things up right I’d get my answers.  I’d make the perfect trap.” The man stepped into the room, his hands deep in the pockets of his long dark blue coat.  The Doctor could feel the color leaving his face, his mouth and throat going dry. “And  _ boy.   _ Picasso couldn’t have painted a prettier picture!”  He had a big wide grin and soft brown hair styled perfectly.  Black dress pants, wing-tipped shoes, belt, and suspenders paired with a grey button down shirt.  The most out of place thing was the black and grey tie patterned with tiny circles within diamonds.  

The Doctor’s mouth was still void of saliva even as the name bubbled up his throat into his mouth, demanding to be said.  So when he finally spoke it came out cracked, dry, and full of disbelief. 

“Jack?!”

* * *

Sharp corners, tight turns, blinding speed, and a few dodged pedestrians later Rose sped through the beaded curtain, the little plastic pieces making a wave of sound barely heard over the squeal of tires as Rose swung the bike to a dramatic stop.  Then the engine cut and Rose whipped off her helmet.

“HANSTABLE!”  She yelled as she got off the bike, the beads still clacked in the background and Rose could hear a gurgle of voices outside drawing closer because of her spectacle. “HANS!”  She yelled again when he didn’t appear. She dropped her helmet to the ground with no regard and strode through the tapestry that led to the back of the shop. Heat flared in her eyes as she summoned the wolf in her.  She could smell him. Down the hallway in a large room. She went down the hall and threw open the door.

“It’s not wise to hide from me, Hans.  I can sniff you out like that.” She snapped her fingers for emphasis while stalking slowly into the room.  She could smell fear and guilt in the air and it made her angry. She could feel the heat in her eyes as she tried to control her anger coursing like molten gold in her veins.  She took in the room around her, it was an airplane hangar with converted stables along one wall that contained a variety of animals. Clear doored garages along the opposite wall stacked five levels tall filled with classic muscle cars and high tech flying vehicles alike.  There was a washing station in one corner, and a multi-variety fuel output in another. The center of the hangar had boats, planes, and boat-planes but mainly it had spacecrafts. One designed to be an exact replica of the Millennium Falcon. The ramp into it was open and an ornately designed purple and gold rug lay at the bottom.  

A clang echoed from inside a ship to her left.  The Quinjet, a perfect replica of the Avengers ship.  Rose’s quick strides carried her up the ramp then her eyes scanned the interior.  A curtain on a med bed was drawn closed on her left and with a snarl she pulled it back.  The quirky man behind it squealed.

“Don’t kill me Bad Wolf!”

“How do you know my name?” The fury leaking out of her voice and essence served to make the half human quiver.

“T-The strange m-man.  Thing.” Rose just glared, knowing there was more to the story.  Hans sat up a bit, using placating gestures, voice gaining a slight strength.  “Years ago when you first came to this planet and saved us. The stories of you were… explosive.  Every new-comer heard of the Fable. There was this one guy, he asked if you could change your face.  Everyone laughed at him. But I…” He trailed off and Rose’s eyes flashed with the memories. After the invaders had receded, their threat of enduring slavery gone, Fable’s rings had been damaged.  Her form kept flickering. Not long enough to really see the face beneath but enough for golden particles to slip out. Hans had seen the form underneath.

“You told him what you saw and that he wasn’t crazy.”  Her tone now calmer. She’d never told Hans to keep what he saw to himself.  So he nodded vigorously and continued. 

“He wanted to know what you looked like, said he was a friend.  But he… didn’t feel friendly. His energy was all wrong.” It was at this point that Rose remembered Hans was part Empathite.  He could feel emotions in the air like others could feel the wind on their face. So when Hans said his energy was wrong, it probably meant he could see the man’s intentions, whatever they were.  So far, this wasn’t looking good for her.

“Hans, what did he want?”  Rose demanded and stepped closer which made Hanstable jump.  In a timid voice he answered.

“He asked if you ever brought around ‘old friends’.”  Then he swallowed thickly, his eyes looking anywhere but at her face.  “He wanted to know if you’d ever traveled with someone you… love.” The hairs on Rose’s arms prickled and her heart thumped in her chest painfully.  Then she suddenly turned away from Hans with a yell and punched the thick metal. Her knuckles stung as the skin split. She could feel the fresh bruises forming.  She pulled away and saw the dent she had left. Her body tried to heal her injuries but she wouldn’t allow it, she needed to feel this pain. Everything had gone right screwy all because she couldn’t keep her emotions in tact.  She needed to feel the consequences of losing control.

“How did you know?”  She didn’t turn to look at him, she couldn’t right now, her eyes filled with a golden rage.

“They told me there were two men to look out for.  The one was a gruff, adonis like man with deep green eyes, light brown hair, and a heavy trigger finger.  They said he was human.” Rose clenched her eyes shut. A sadness flooding her system. How could someone of this universe even know about Dean.  “The other… was said to be an alien from another universe. An old friend, your oldest friend. H-He said the air around you two would be like static flashes of color.  Something even people not like me could see.” Hans paused and Rose met his eyes for the first time in a few minutes. “Cosmic.” He breathed out and Rose let her head drop to the wall.

“You need to focus and figure out why he squealed.”  A distinct midwestern American voice sent chills down Rose’s spine and filled her with dread.  Hans didn’t react to the voice so Rose didn’t look to him, even though she could feel his presence haranguing her, standing next to the pilot’s seat out of the corner of her eye.

“What did they threaten you with?”  Rose’s voice was hard and she glared at Hans, trying to concentrate on just him.  

“They said they’d kill me if I didn’t deliver!  If I let you just go by… poof, no more Hans!” Rose grunted at him, turning away.  Her mind was swirling thinking selfish thoughts.

“Find out how he contacted them.  You might be able to trace their location.”  A shiver ran down her spine, the voice was closer now, daring her to look.

“How did you talk to them?”  She heard shuffling from the bed, and then he was handing her something.  She took it, smooth and silver the tablet lit up when she tapped it. She walked away from him to the front of the Quinjet, sitting in the pilot’s chair.

“W-What are y-you doing?”  

“Tracing them.  They took the Doctor, I need to get him back.”  She plugged the device into the dash, quickly connecting wires as she fired up the interface.

“Voice recognition pass required.”

“Galactic Avenger.”  Rose spoke up so the machine would hear her.

“Welcome Fabled Woman.”  The mechanical voice responded, a few clacks of the keyboard and the tracking program was running.

“Now that’s not-...You’re an official Avenger?!”  Rose smirked at that tone of voice, warmth blossoming in her chest and settling right next to the ache.  The device began beeping indicating the location had been found. Rose jumped and unplugged the device, next moment she was walking out of the Quinjet.  She heard Hans scrambling down the ramp behind her. 

“W-What are you gonna d-do?”  Came his cowardly voice.

“Whatever I need to.”  She didn’t look back at him, surveying the hangar for the transport she would need.  “What’s the sneakiest transport you have?” Hans scuttled down the rest of the ramp, pointing shakily in the direction of the Millennium Falcon.  Rose actually scoffed and turned to give Hans an earful when he spoke up.

“Not the ship Ma’am… the rug.”  A few seconds of confusion flitted by her before…

“It’s a magic carpet?”  She asked in disbelief, next to her that deep timbre spoke up again with childish joy.

“Like in Aladdin?”  Rose couldn’t help but smile at his fondness for Disney movies.

“Oh this is gonna be a treat”  Rose said as a smile slid over her face.  Now… how did one exactly  _ fly _ a magic carpet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHat do you guys think??? Please review!! Reviews keep me fed and happy!! And maybe I'll post before another month has passed next time!  
> What have you guys been feelings about the New Doctor??? About the writing for the show?? The new companions?? Personally, I'm in love. I'm so happy the companions have actual lives and stories outside of the Doctor, so that really makes me commend Chris Chibnall after years of Moffat's circular writing.  
> Till next time! Tara!
> 
> P.S. ALSO I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION THIS. I'm participating in this auction charity project for Random Acts! Any spn fans out there should know what that is... but basically, its this thing called FicFacer$! We're writing and drawing fanfiction in exchange for a donation to random acts! So the highest bidder will win a customized fanfic! So if you're at all interested in having me make pretty much whatever you want into a story, and you're willing to give a few bucks to charity, then check it out!! There's over 55 talented people who are donating their time and effort to this project which is really fucking cool if you ask me!  
> So here's the link  
> https://www.juliahouston.com/fic-facers/  
> And if you're feeling inclined give it a browse, and maybe put in a bid on me!!  
> Anyway, love you guys!! See you soon!


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